It’s five answers to five questions. Here we go…
1. My boss insults us at the Christmas party every year
Every year, my company (150-200 people) has a company-wide Christmas party. I dread going because the president of my company has the same speech every year, which is basically a 20-minute tirade telling us we don’t work hard enough, we take too long breaks, and “some of you are winners, some of you are losers.”
I take offense to this because I believe we all work very hard and many people here have dedicated their lives to the company, working here for 40+ years.
Most people dread the party solely for the speech but it is rare for anyone to skip the party as he takes this personally and has, in the past, threatened to withhold compensation to those who don’t attend (at the party he hands out awards for those with no sick days, etc).
Is there any way to let him know how offensive we find the speech without losing my job? I’ve thought about sending an anonymous email. I don’t want to sound ungrateful for the Christmas party, I know many companies don’t have these, but I feel as though I’m stuck between a rock and a hard place: spend an evening being lectured or spend Monday being reprimanded for skipping?
You’re allowed not to feel grateful for an event where every year you’re subjected to an insulting rant!
Although if you’re going to be lectured at the part or lectured if you don’t go to the party, you might as well take the lecture that comes with monetary awards.
But is there any way you can see your boss as the ridiculous, over-the-top cartoon villain he is and find this at least mildly entertaining? He sounds like such an ass that there’s no reason to take him seriously, and ideally you’d derive some amusement from his tirades.
Also, is there any chance he is Tiger Mike?
2. Secret Santa gifts with a message
I am a teacher in a high school. Last month, one of the new special education science teachers, a white male, made a racially-charged statement about one of our kids, “Lee.” This came about because I was joking around with Lee in the hallway, and after he left, Sam said that Lee was problematic in class. I said that Lee was indeed very silly and immature, but wasn’t malicious and I thought he was going to be fine once he matured a little. That’s when Sam revealed to me that he perceived Lee as older because he’s black. I responded that it was a very racially charged thing to say, and he said that at he was admitting it and that it was a proven social issue (this part is true; there are several studies about this). I said that might be, but it’s our job as educators to rise above implicit bias to serve our kids. We parted, and after about five minutes staring into space at my desk, I marched into the principal’s office and recounted the conversation. I trust the principal will handle it.
Fast forward to a few weeks ago. Guess whose name I pull for Secret Santa.
So, my question is what the heck to get this guy. Do I take the opportunity for a teachable moment and present him with a book on implicit bias? Or do I play it cool and just get a normal gift?
I don’t think Secret Santa gift exchanges should be used to make a point, even a point as important as this one. It’s too likely to come across as mean-spirited, which lessens the chances he’ll actually read it and learn from it. So I’d do a normal gift.
But I think you can also give him a book on implicit bias as long as you do it separately from the office gift exchange! You could give it to him and say something like, “I kept thinking about our conversation about Lee the other day, and this is a book that really helped me challenge my own thinking around unconscious biases. I think this stuff is so important for us to read as teachers.”
3. I don’t know how to fit all the info about my job on my resume
I have sooo many responsibilities at my current job and I don’t know how to fit them all in to my resume or pick the most important because they are so different.
Currently I have the things I do the most on the front, with supplemental info on the back. Any way to make this easier to read / appreciate as a hiring manager?
You don’t need to list all of them! Your resume isn’t supposed to be an exhaustive account of everything you do / have ever done. It’s a marketing document, to market you. Pick the things that most strengthen your candidacy for the job you’re applying for — the four or five most important things about this job that you’d want a hiring manager to know — and leave the rest off. (That means you might choose different ones for different applications; that’s what customizing your resume is about.)
If I am understanding correctly that you have two full pages (or even one full page plus a bit on the back) to talk about one single job, you have way too much info. Edit that down considerably — more than a half a page on a single job is nearly always going to be too much.
What’s more, you should try to list accomplishments more than you list responsibilities. It’s okay to list a few responsibilities, but a list of the activities you’ve been assigned doesn’t excite a hiring manager; they’re excited to learn what outcomes you achieved. Focus there and cut most of the rest!
4. Can I require our admin to read Ask A Manager?
I am the director of a small auxiliary unit at a university. About a year ago, we hired a part-time administrative associate, “Stella.” Because of the part-time status and small salary, the applicants were mostly inexperienced, and Stella is young and working around completing her bachelor’s degree. I’m happy to be flexible with her schedule, and overall she’s been a good hire, albeit needing regular oversight. I’m fine with this, as I feel like it’s part of our mission in the campus community.
My concern: I understand that Stella’s very unfamiliar with office and professional norms. However, even after having a few coaching sessions and big picture pattern discussions, she’s still having trouble with the concept of “professional,” as well as norms relating to office hierarchies. About once or twice a month I’ll have to address things I overhear, or colleague interactions I witness.
I was brainstorming ways to try to help her, and thought about AAM — I’ve learned so much from reading over the years, and wonder if it would be appropriate to have Stella read and then discuss certain letters with me? Sort of a “case studies” approach? Or would this seem pedantic and be an overstep? I would be careful to choose letters that relate directly to office norms and what constitutes professional behavior.
Well … I think it could seem a little condescending, depending on how you do it. If you find a couple of letters that relate directly to something you’ve seen her struggle with, I think it would be fine to send her those and then later ask what she thought about them. But I wouldn’t assign her articles in an attempt to teach her professionalism more broadly; that does feel too heavy-handed.
Another thing you could do, though, is just suggest the site to her as a good place to absorb professional norms, and then leave it to her to decide whether to read it or not. Or you could even give her a copy of the Ask a Manager book and tell her it’s a useful guide to the sorts of things the two of you have talked about. Or, branching out from AAM, you could suggest an article or two each month from all sorts of sources (HBR is good), which would make it feel less like “YOU WILL READ THIS SITE I LIKE.”
5. Sending thank-you notes to former managers
I left my last job as a patent agent at a mid-sized intellectual property firm about 10 months ago. It was my first job out of school and several of the attorneys I worked with spent a significant amount of time mentoring me. This was part of their jobs, but I really appreciated it and it was invaluable for my professional development. I worked at that firm for two and a half years and left on good terms because I needed to relocate. Would it be appropriate to send them thank-you notes to say how much I appreciated them? If so, is there any particular etiquette for sending thank-you notes to former managers that I should be aware of?
Yes, do that! People really appreciate receiving that kind of thing — it makes a big impression and solidifies the relationship in ways that can be very helpful in the future. And it’s a lovely thing to do when people have invested in you!
Etiquette-wise, there’s not a ton to worry about. I’d say use professional-feeling stationery if you’re mailing it (not, like, a card with a cartoon dog on it), but email is also fine. Be specific about what they did that helped you (as opposed to a vague, general thanks). The more specific you are, the better. But it’s hard to go wrong when you’re thanking people.
my boss insults us at the holiday party, Secret Santa gifts with a message, and more was originally published by Alison Green on Ask a Manager.
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