It’s five answers to five questions. Here we go…
1. My mom says I’m not getting hired because of my weight
Frankly put: my mom thinks I’m too fat, and she says that’s why I’m not getting offered jobs even after advancing through a few rounds of interviews.
I’ve been job searching for a couple months, and I’m still working at a place I like just fine but has virtually no upward mobility, so it’s not like she’s supporting me or I’m struggling to get hired absolutely anywhere. I’m confident in my skills, resume, and interviews, and I’ve been told I’m among the top two or three candidates more than once, only to come up second of those two. It’s been disappointing, but not shattering, and I’ve gotten good feedback from some interviewers and others have told me (sincerely, I’m pretty sure) they’ll reach out to me first if other positions come up.
But the last couple times I’ve called my mom to say “almost, but not quite,” instead of offering sympathy or anything constructive, she’s told me it’s probably because of my weight. I’m a 28-year-old woman, and I am overweight. I’m also gay and mixed race (my dad is Black and my mom is white), so trust me when I say I’ve experienced a whole lot of prejudice and I know how crappy people can be. I’m sure there are hiring managers out there who would choose a skinny person with a comparable resume to mine, or even a worse one, but I also think that the quality of my work and my professional credentials would matter much more to any employer I’d care to work for.
That doesn’t seem to hold much water with my mom though. Her biggest piece of job-seeking advice seems to be “lose 30 pounds,” and it’s just not helpful. Do you or your readers have any perspective or advice?
I’m sorry your mom is being awful here, and I’m glad that she hasn’t shaken your confidence. It’s true that some interviewers are biased against people for all sorts of reasons, but it’s also highly unlikely that your weight is the dominant factor in your job search. Interviewing for a couple of months without an offer isn’t at all unusual or worrisome, and it’s obnoxious that she’s implying there’s something wrong with you that’s keep you from getting hired.
The best thing you can do is to stop talking to her about your job search. She’s not contributing anything supportive or useful, and she’s actively tearing you down. She’s forfeited her right to hear about how it’s going. Let her know when you have a new job, but until then there’s no point in discussing your progress with her.
2. Is my messy handwriting a problem?
As I’m sitting here addressing holiday cards to a few clients, I’m cringing a little at my messy handwriting. It’s not chicken scratch, but it’s not very neat and professional looking either. I’m also left-handed, so as much as I may try to blot the page or avoid it, there can sometimes be smudges and things where my hand smears the ink. In addition to holiday cards, clients sometimes see my handwriting when I fill in contracts or jot notes, so this comes up from time to time.
Does this matter? Is there a way to develop handwriting that looks more professional? Is it worth worrying about it? I don’t think about it much from day to day, but sometimes I see another person’s perfectly crisp handwriting and think about what a strong impression it makes.
For the record, I spent more than a decade as a newspaper journalist, so there was a lot of fast-paced note scribbling involved. While I’ve never had great handwriting, I think this experience degraded it quite a bit.
When I was in ninth grade and spent many hours a week writing absurdly long notes to my friends (for some reason we passed multi-page notes to each other between classes; I have no idea why), my handwriting was truly beautiful — even, perfectly rounded, entirely consistent, almost like a font. And sometimes I find samples of it now and marvel that I produced it, because for many years now my handwriting has been horrendous. I think that when we switched to keyboards and stopped writing by hand so often, a lot of us lost our penmanship skills.
All of which is to say that (a) loads of people have messy handwriting these days and (b) I think people care a lot less than they used to. As long as it’s reasonably legible and you’re not, like, a calligrapher, I wouldn’t worry about it.
3. Client’s employee talks all day long outside my office
I work at a relatively small company. We have about 60 employees, mostly warehouse employees. We have about 15 employees inside the office. I’m the inside sales manager and manage a small staff of four. We’re a small, quiet group.
About a year ago, one of our customers decided they’d like to have five of their employees work in our facility. Not the first time we’ve had this, and it’s quite common in our industry. They happened to choose the open cubicles right next to my office. I never thought it would have been a big deal. If anything, it would be great — if they had any problems, they could come and see me quickly to discuss.
Boy, was I wrong! One of their employees talks NON-STOP. I mean, non-stop. From the time I clock in until the time I leave, she’s talking. Whether it’s on the phone or to her coworkers, it never stops. She’s loud and obnoxious, and it’s ruining my productivity. At this point, I’ve gotten so frustrated that I just shut my door to drown out her noise … which I hate because I like having an open door policy.
How should I proceed? After all, she is my customer. However, it’s having negative effects on my work. Should I contact her boss? If so, I feel like I’m being cowardly, and being a “rat.” Should I just move offices? Should I continue to just keep the door shut? I’m desperate.
The obvious option isn’t on your list: talking to her directly! It’s not in any way rude to let her know that her voice carries and ask her to keep it down.
That said, since she’s talking non-stop all day long, her version of “keeping it down” might mean that she only talks 80% of the day instead of 100% of the day, which is still going to be disruptive. Given that, it might make sense to skip that step and simply relocate her. It sounds like you gave this group their choice of where to sit, but there’s no reason you can’t decide it’s not working where they are and you need to relocate them. You’re entitled to say, “This set-up isn’t working as well as I’d hoped because the sound really carries, so we’re going to move you into a space down the hall.” (Just make sure you don’t move her right next to someone else, of course — she/they need their own area where they won’t disturb anyone.)
If there’s nowhere they can move that won’t disrupt someone, you might need to decide how much of a stand you’re willing to take on this. It’s reasonable to speak with her about the noise, and then to her boss if that doesn’t solve it — but whether or not to do that will involve political calculations about how gingerly you need to treat this particular customer and her specific role on their team.
4. Can I ask my manager to stop texting after hours?
My manager has taken to group texting outside of office hours. Initially it was a non-emergency matter after work hours that should have been an email that everyone could have read the next day. Then it was something as simple as “drive carefully” during bad weather. My manager is a wonderful person and manager, but I find this all unnecessary. When texted, I assume it’s important and I have to stop what I’m doing, find my phone, and find my glasses, only to see it’s nothing. Then I have to be bothered with others from the group responding. Am I overreacting or would it be okay to say something and what would I say?
You’re not overreacting. Texting is an immediate medium; it interrupts what you’re doing to push messages at you, whereas email waits for you to check it. There’s no reason your manager should be interrupting your evening with non-urgent messages that could wait until the next time you’re in your work email.
You could say it this way: “I try to disconnect from work after hours, and the group texts make it harder to do that. Would it be possible to switch back to email for things that aren’t an emergency and don’t need to be seen and responded to right away?”
5. What to say when a coworker’s family member is having surgery
What’s the best way to express sympathy (solidarity?I don’ have a good word for it) when a coworker or direct report tells you that they will be taking time off because a close family member is having surgery or the like? “Good luck!” seems like it could be taken the wrong way. “My thoughts are with you and your family” seems a bit serious for more minor things, and maybe a bit too personal? This is an area where I am not well calibrated, and I’d love to have a better mental script for it.
Some options, depending on the circumstances:
* “I hope everything goes smoothly!”
* “Please let me know if you need anything!”
* “Of course, just let me know if you need more time.” (for direct reports)
my mom says I’m not getting hired because of my weight, does messy handwriting matter, and more was originally published by Alison Green on Ask a Manager.
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