A reader writes:
I was laid off from my position of 30 years 12 months ago. The woman who laid me off was fairly new to the company and a complete narcissist and elitist who thought only about herself and and made life pretty miserable for most of the staff. I was a very loyal and respected employee who just had a great review two months before the layoff (from my direct supervisor, not her). I truly believe she didn’t care for me for some reason and decided to “eliminate my position” when we were already understaffed.
At first, I was devastated. This was a job where I spent more than half my life, had many friends, and considered some of my coworkers family. After a few months, I realized that I was much happier away from there (and her) and now have another job that I love with a amazingly supportive supervisor.
I would love to write to her and thank her for letting me go. I would love to let her know just what I think of her and how she took an office of hardworking, dedicated employees and ruined it (almost half of her staff have quit in the last year — staff, like myself, who had been there many years). I have nothing to lose with this woman and letting her know just how much she is despised by me and others would be cathartic for me. What do you think? Do I write the letter or let it go?
Let it go.
By continuing to think about this to the point of seriously considering contacting her, you’re continuing to stay enmeshed in the situation. You’re allowing it to take up space in your mind and allowing your anger and hurt to live in your soul.
It does hurt to give your all to a job and be treated the way you were! But ultimately, regardless of how long you spent there and how much you liked your coworkers, this was still work — you were trading your labor for money. They let you go, and you landed in a situation where you’re much happier. By all means, consider her a jerk, a bad manager, a bad person — but don’t keep dwelling on it the way wanting to write a letter indicates you are. You won — you got away from her and are happy, while she is stuck with herself for life.
I think you’re feeling the desire to mete out some justice to her, and I understand that impulse. But you’re not the judge and juror here; justice isn’t yours to dispense, and you can do damage to yourself by trying (for example, someone you respect hearing about the letter and wondering why you haven’t moved on or what you thought you’d achieve … but even if it’s only the damage of not letting yourself fully move on, that’s not insignificant).
Personally, I believe the world will deliver its own justice anyway — not necessarily “she gets fired” or “she falls in a sewage drain,” but someone who’s truly a horrible person will be affected by that as she goes through life. (For example, do you really think someone who’s as awful as you described her can sustain long-term, warm, healthy, fulfilling relationships in her life?)
Besides, even if you dismiss all of that, the reality is that your letter is highly unlikely to make her see the error of her ways. The most likely outcome is that she’ll read it, roll her eyes, decide you’re a hothead, and maybe badmouth you in the future. It’s more likely to produce scorn than to force her to confront the errors of her ways.
Let this stay in the past where it belongs, and keep yourself in the present.
should I write a letter telling my old boss what a jerk she is? was originally published by Alison Green on Ask a Manager.
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