It’s “where are you now?” month at Ask a Manager, and all December I’m running updates from people who had their letters here answered in the past. Here are four updates from past letter-writers.
1. My boss trying to find out who wrote an anonymous sexism report
First, I’d like to thank the many kind commenters who reassured me that it is not my duty as The Female to teach my boss how to properly respond to reports of sexism. In the end, the comments about how a well meaning but bumbling man could actually make things worse for me were pretty convincing… And I chose not to say anything. As far as I know, nothing ever came of his email.
Not long after, I had a career planning meeting with grand-boss. I said that my goal was to be an executive one day, and his response was “well, not to point out the obvious, but you’re a girl in this industry and the company has a big equality initiative, so there’s no way that wouldn’t happen for you. Now, I think an X role [effectively a demotion] for the next two years would be a better learning opportunity for you.” That was… The nail in the coffin.
I wish I could say I gathered up my courage to rage quit on the spot and run out of his office yelling about girl power… But student loans and the job prospects in my state being what they were, a more strategic approach was required.
I posted for jobs outside of my business unit, and got one that was a big promotion, both in title and pay. Better still, my new grand-boss is a woman who believes strongly in sponsorship of other women. She’s given me many wonderful opportunities for high-level exposure, including helping me learn to craft messages in a way that comes across as competent but not… The other words strong women are often described as.
Part of me feels like a sell-out for sticking with this company, but it also feels like nothing will change if no one stays and fights the good fight. I can only hope that one day I get to go back to my original business unit as the big boss, and make some real big changes in the way they approach diversity.
2. My office has a mandatory feelings chart
Firstly, a big thanks for your great answer and to all the commenters for their amazing ideas for how to sabotage or destroy the feelings chart. The creativity and humour was a source of much joy during a stressful time at work.
The publication of the letter coincided with experiencing some things in my personal life of an emotional intensity that would melt any feelings chart they were taken near. As a result, I decided it was best to avoid drama as much as possible at work so moved my sticker into the okay box and left it there. With no-one putting their stickers in negative boxes very often, the singling people out to explain their feelings largely stopped.
Even with that mostly stopped, I decided recently I probably mention my concerns to my manager as we were still being requested to update our sticker placement. I explained in our monthly one on one meeting that while I understood that the chart probably had good intentions, it was uncomfortable to have to state our feelings and that it could be particularly unhelpful for people experiencing depression and anxiety. The manager seemed surprised that anyone objected and said that the chart was a mandatory part of the productivity practices certification our team has been working for so would have to stay. I am completely baffled as to how this fits into any productivity program, let alone why it would be a non-negotiable component but I suspect arguing this one any further is futile.
3. Who should I ask to nominate me for an industry award? (#5 at the link)
I did end up asking my boss if she would consider nominating me for the award. At first, she told me she had to think about it, which had me surprised and worried. She eventually emailed me to tell me she had to decline even though she holds me in high regard and thinks I am excellent at what I do (her words).
This apparent contradiction was bewildering to me, so I met with her in person to clarify. I explained that it wasn’t the award I was concerned about, but her view of my performance. My boss told me that she had only ever nominated one person for an award in her entire career, and that particular person had been extraordinary. She fully acknowledged that I do great work and that there are no concerns with my performance. After some discussion, I was able to see how she differentiates “high regard” and “excellent” from “exceptional.” Side note: it is rumoured that people at other companies have quiet agreements to nominate each other for these industry awards so that every person ends up winning at least once, and my boss wants to make it clear that she does not condone that.
All in all, it was a bit disappointing, even though I suppose this was like only achieving “Exceeds Expectations” instead of “Outstanding.” (Is my inner Hermione Granger showing?) However, I can certainly see where my boss is coming from, and I now have a better frame of reference for striving to be exceptional.
4. Our strongest job candidate talked non-stop
We ended up widening our search, and found a candidate with industry experience, a good resume, and interviewed well. We were very excited! His performance was strong initially, but rapidly declined around the 4-month mark – emails and phone calls going unanswered, texting/constant social media on his phone, arriving later and later, and refusing to follow some standard office procedures.
He continued to express that he did want to stay with the company, and he’d work on the problems My manager is known for giving people many, many chances, and she really didn’t want to go through the rehire and training process.
He then abruptly quit three weeks ago with no notice period. My last day before maternity leave is this Friday!
We later found out that he’d told one of the other temps that he was only planning on staying until after the Christmas bonus (!!!). It’s a niche industry, and we have every intention of being open about our poor experience, so…. good luck?
We pulled a superstar junior customer service temp we brought on a few months earlier that showed promise, and I’m happy to report she’s doing a fantastic job so far. She’s nowhere near ready to handle the full desk on her own, but with support from other coworkers and some meticulous instruction documents I’ve cobbled together, I think she’ll do fine.
An unexpected resolution!
updates: the mandatory feelings chart, the anonymous sexism report, and more was originally published by Alison Green on Ask a Manager.
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