It’s “where are you now?” month at Ask a Manager, and all December I’m running updates from people who had their letters here answered in the past.
1. My husband’s boss accused me of calling my mother-in-law a bitch
You were right, we ignored the rumors and they died down quickly. We moved past it easily and didn’t hear much about it in the following months. It seemed to become a non-issue.
I mentioned in my previous letter that the company was a chaotic unstable place, but that B couldn’t quit – we had bills to pay! We should’ve anticipated what came next. B took a Spring Break off to watch the kids (I needed to be at work) and in the middle of his PTO, big boss called to tell him he was no longer employed at the company. We were baffled! Three weeks earlier he had received a 15% raise and an excellent review. So many commenters warned us, but he was short on experience and was trying to stick it out.
Luckily, he found a new job quickly and is now a area manager for an established company (that has HR!) creating a division in our city. New company is a direct competitor to old job. I’m looking forward to seeing how things work out.
Also, some readers guessed that maybe my MIL started the rumor. This could’ve been true. We had just set some “you can’t watch the kids without us present” boundaries and she was angry. Thank you to the commenters who mentioned the grey rock technique. It has been a great way to neutralize interactions with my MIL. I don’t think I could’ve done the last two years without it!
This drama has also been somewhat resolved. Another family member has just placed strong boundaries on her and she isn’t as focused on us. I’m not thrilled that others are going through the same thing, but my inbox has been so peaceful lately!
2. My boss doesn’t believe I’m really quitting
You were right on the money with your comments on nonprofit employees feeling more obligated to help out when they quit. I had to let go of that feeling of obligation so I could fully commit to my new job. I was able to talk to my boss a little bit about wanting to focus on my transition. Part of my problem was because I had been in the position so long, I had a lot of institutional knowledge that I was worried would get lost when I left. After discussing that again, I was able to refocus my time on compiling several manuals about the position, the state of my projects, and the database used. I wanted to leave useful documents for my replacement!
Which is an interesting story in and of itself. I actually was part of the hiring committee for my replacement. We were looking for someone with experience in a particular database, so I reviewed applications and helped conduct interviews. When asked for my advice on who to hire, I gave my honest answer based on the applicants’ experience and familiarity with that database and non-profits in general. They ended up going with another candidate, who was able to start during my last week so I was able to cross-train her before I left. (I feel like this was part of the reason she was hired, but that’s just a guess)
Once I started my new job (which I am still in and love!), I got several emails from my replacement, which I was happy to answer for a few months, but after that had to tell her “You can find these answers in the manual I left for you!”
My replacement ended up quitting after a year – apparently because she found the job too difficult. One of my former coworkers that I kept in contact with said that of course it was difficult for her – she never once looked at any of the materials I left! The organization hired someone else, and I told my former coworker exactly where those documents were in case they could help this new person.
(Additionally, during a yearly fundraising event, the outside event planning contractors who I had worked with for several years ended up reaching out to me privately to do some writing and consulting on the event – because my replacement was too busy to work on the project, apparently. But since they paid me for my work, and I was able to do it over one weekend, I was happy to do it!)
3. How do you do layoffs the right way? (podcast)
First, I appreciate you answering my question! It was good to hear that the way we were doing layoffs was not so bad…at least logistically. For those who don’t remember my podcast episode (because it was part of one about a toilet situation, which is always WAY more memorable–ha!), I described that we pull those who are being laid off into a conference room to tell them, while simultaneously emailing everyone else to announce the layoff. We were a small company, with 20-25 people at a time, and I was basically the number 3 in the company (CEO, VP, and then me). So I usually knew the layoffs were coming, who it was going to be, and was asked to help answer questions for the remaining employees while the CEO and VP were in the conference room. Without a formal HR, the company’s management often didn’t follow traditional best practices for these kinds of processes, so I was relieved to hear that we weren’t being abnormally cruel to our employees in that regard. That being said, the severance was not very good (maybe 1-3 weeks, depending on length of employment), and I’m not sure how long the health care coverage lasted. There was no official job hunting help offered, though I told everyone I’d be happy to provide a reference and help with resume updates and/or point them here to Alison’s resources. Overall, Alison is right that layoffs just always suck, and I hate that we had to do them so often!
As for the commentators who focused on our hire-layoff-hire-layoff pattern, you guys are absolutely right. Most of us on staff were fully aware of the possibilities of project delays, and I was regularly suggesting we hire contractors, as were other employees. The problem was that our CEO strongly distrusted contractors. His reasoning was that they wouldn’t be fully committed/passionate about the projects and would be more likely to flake or check out if a better contract came along. So, his bias was the problem there, and even with as much influence as I had, I couldn’t convince him to hire contractors. It got to the point where I (and others) started to feel uncomfortable interviewing people, because we knew the projects we needed them for were high-risk. I tried to be transparent in the interviews by telling them how work tended to ebb and flow, answering honestly when they asked about why we were hiring, and telling them what the expectations were above and beyond the job description. (I was always a little proud, too, when excellent candidates turned down an offer, citing the need for more structure, work/life balance, or stability, etc.)
So where does that leave me and the company? Separated! A few weeks after my question was published, I applied to a new job and was given an offer! Like many of you, I was stuck in a job I loved, with brilliant coworkers who I loved, and management who weren’t bad people, but something just started to feel like my time there was coming to a close. I was ready to fight new battles and solve new problems. I was also ready to take my big-fish-small-pond skills to a bigger pond to see if I could swim! And unless I wanted to buy the company in two years when our CEO planed to sell it (I didn’t), I’d need to move on. My new company is amazing–a leader in our industry for being fun and caring about it’s people over anything else. And we have a proper HR department! It’s a huge change to go from 25 coworkers to 60,000+ coworkers, but I’m loving it so far! The industry is new for me, but the niche department I’m in is the same as my former company, so I’m well suited for the work while also growing my skills.
As for my now former company, I heard they laid off another few people at the end of this summer for the same reasons as always–project delays and financial cuts. I don’t think anyone will be able to solve the contractor hiring issue there, and I don’t know how this last round of layoffs went logistically, but since the CEO is retiring soon, I’m just hoping that those who remain are able to get out soon enough to find new employment. I’ve told them all I’m here to help them with resumes, references, and even recommendations if they find a position at my new company that they want to apply to!
4. My office refuses to buy tissues
I was the letter writer whose office wouldn’t buy tissues because they were a “personal item.”
This was one of those “tip of the iceberg” issues that put the HR/accounting manager on my radar as someone who didn’t actually know what they were doing but was willing to BS to pretend they did. Their version of the “official rules” seemed to always change, which is *not* what an accounting department wants from their manager, judging by the grumblings I heard thanks to our open floor plan. And again, this was a tip of the iceberg of dysfunction in that office overall. Someday I’ll share our microwave story.
But there was much rejoicing, because the manager was finally pushed out of their job! In fact, there was turnover in almost all of the upper-level management, which was very overdue. When asked if we could buy tissues for the office, the new purchaser didn’t bat an eye.
But as a personal update, I finally pushed myself to apply to other jobs and get the heck out already, and I’ve been in a new position at a new company for a year now – one where they buy name brand tissues. Oh, and they’re paying me over 20% more. Hallelujah!
5. I’m about to fire an employee — and we just hired her husband
Thanks for all your good advice! The situation worked out to be less eventful than I’d ever imagined. The wife was fired shortly before the husband came on board, so there was no overlap. The husband has been a model employee (he was recently promoted) and to my knowledge has never once mentioned his wife at work (I once saw someone ask him whether our former employee was his wife, and he avoided the question). If only all sticky work situations could work out so well!
updates: my boss doesn’t believe I’m quitting, we just hired the husband of the person we’re about to fire, and more was originally published by Alison Green on Ask a Manager.
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