It’s four answers to four questions. Here we go…
1. What to say to someone who keeps making an insulting “joke”
This is a hindsight question; the incident happened a few years ago, but I still think about it from time to time.
At a previous job, one of our vendors/consultants made a holiday gift of a box of gourmet cookies for each person on our team. It was a nice, simple gesture. However, in a couple of group meetings following the gift, this consultant made a point of joking, “I told [OP] these are for everyone, not just her!” or “[OP], you’d better not eat everyone else’s gifts!”
In the moment, I laughed it off and changed the subject, but it has always felt weirdly mean. The gifts in question were individually wrapped for each person — we’re not talking about a giant shared basket here — so the insinuation (out of nowhere!) that I would be pilfering my colleagues’ gifts is just so strange. For the record, I was slightly heavier than everyone else on my team — and everyone on hers, for that matter — so maybe that’s why it felt personal. If she’d made the joke once and never said it again, I’d assume that she realized it came off wrong and made a point to self-correct. But she made this joke multiple times, to multiple groups of people, always with an air of gearing up for a big laugh. What the heck?
Since it happened a long time ago, there’s nothing to be done for it now–but I’ve always wondered, what WOULD have been a good response in the moment?
When someone makes an offensive or insulting joke, sometimes the best thing you can do is to ask them to explain and let them feel the awkwardness of sharing their thinking. So in this case: “You’ve said that a few times, and I think I’m missing the joke. What do you mean?” Or, “I’m not following — you gave a box to everyone, didn’t you?”
2. Auctioning off lunch with senior executives
My company has entered its annual employee giving campaign, where they encourage people to make donations and sign up for payroll deductions that employees can then direct to the charity of their choice. This year they have added an online auction to raise money for charities. There are various items and experiences employees can bid on, including tickets to professional sports teams, ski days, spa days etc. Okay, fine, whatever.
But some of the items you can bid on are the chances to have lunch with senior executives and the president of the company. This is a huge company with tens of thousands of employees. We are not in the USA but it is one of the most profitable companies in my country (which is a large G8 nation). The lunch would have to be in a specific city even though our country is large with people across the country, so not even every employee realistically could attend this.
This seems super problematic, like people are buying access to senior executives now. It’s not like a raffle where the cost is the same, people are literally bidding against each they. Starting bid is $160 for lunch with the president, $75 and $50 starting bids on the others. Is this as problematic as I think it is?
Ugh, yeah, it’s not great. I mean, I get that it’s for charity and they raise more money for it this way than they would with a simple raffle. But it’s true that you don’t want the person who’s willing to pay the most to get special access to your leadership.
That said, since it’s a one-time lunch, I’m less bothered than I would be if it were something more substantial or ongoing. It’s still not great though! Maybe you could suggest that in addition to this, they also raffle off a few of these lunches so that people aren’t shut out if they’re not able or willing to pay. (That doesn’t solve it for your remote people, but sometimes that’s just how these things go.)
3. My employer told me to stop posting YouTube videos of my work but I don’t want to
I’m an arborist (I climb/care for trees). I make videos of my work (its GoPro/POV video). They are mostly educational/technical discussions related to climbing equipment. I work for a tree company and in the past I have been scolded/suspended for posting my footage on YouTube.
My boss thinks there might be legal ramifications for having footage of clients’ backyards or properties (usually from 30-90 feet in the air where faraway things are warped and very little detail is captured by the wide angle lens). I don’t post faces or any personal info (besides my own). The only voice that can be heard in the videos is mine.
The videos do not contain footage that is against company/safety policy or reveals the company’s identity (no logos). The videos all take place at height in the canopy of the tree.
Filming at work is not a distraction. The GoPro is easy, quick, and unobtrusive — it sits on your head, hit record, hit it again when you’re done. It does not interfere with productivity.
This is my hobby and I love it, but I also love the company I work for. I want to know if A) they are at risk somehow by my posting YouTube videos (outside of work) and B) if I were fired for posting my videos, would that be unlawful termination?
I can’t speak to whether or not they’re at risk by you posting your videos (that’s outside my area of expertise), but you absolutely could be legally fired for continuing to do it after they’ve told you to stop. You can be fired for doing anything after your employer tells you to stop, as long as it’s not activity that’s specifically legally protected (like unionizing or reporting harassment or discrimination). In fact, that’s generally true even if your employer doesn’t first tell you to stop; legally, they could fire you on the first strike with no warning (unless they’ve committed to following a different procedure in their own internal policies).
So yeah, you should stop if you want to keep the job.
4. Interviewer asked me to think about if the pay will work for me
Today I interviewed for a data manager position at a nonprofit. Towards the end of the interview, one of the interviewers brought up pay. It turns out they can pay $45,000 (at the most) and I currently earn $57,000. I would really like to get the position and I am unhappy at my current job, but this seems like a lot less.
At the end of the interview, they told me to think about the pay and if it would work for me. If so, they will still keep me in the running. Is this weird? I am not sure if I should stick to the amount I initially requested, $50,000. Also, I am really not sure if they have additional applicants. They called me for an interview after I followed up on my application 2-3 weeks after applying.
It’s not weird. They’re being up-front with you about the maximum they’ll be able to pay, and it doesn’t make sense for them to continue investing time in considering you if the salary is a deal-breaker for you. So they’re saying, “Think about it and let us know whether it makes sense to move forward or not.” It doesn’t sound like sticking to your initial salary request will be an option.
For what it’s worth, I wouldn’t advise taking that large of a pay cut unless you’re overpaid currently or you really want to move into nonprofits and know that this is market rate for the work you’d be doing (meaning anywhere, not just at this particular organization).
what to say to an insulting “joke,” I don’t want to stop posting YouTube videos of my work, and more was originally published by Alison Green on Ask a Manager.
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