It’s five answers to five questions. Here we go…
1. Coworker saw embarrassing content on my phone
I work in a small department library at a university, and came in to catch up on some work while the office was closed over the holidays. The office was totally empty, but there was one other person, a graduate student (who I do not supervise), who had also, unbeknownst to me, come in to work that day. I was listening to samples of audiobooks on my headphones while I caught up on some rote work, when the student saw I was there and came to ask me a question.
the cover in question
As she came over, I clicked on the audio player to pause so I could hear her and she caught a glimpse of the cover of the book, which was suggestive. There was no actual nudity or anything, but the book was a romance novel, and while the content was actually rather tame, the cover was … a lot. Of course she saw, however briefly, and was visibly embarrassed. I went to find her to follow up on her question just a few minutes later, and she was gone.
I don’t normally listen to audiobooks at the office, but I don’t feel like I did anything wrong necessarily? That said, I am mortified and feel terrible that she was embarrassed, and worse that this may damage our working relationship in some way. I think I know the answer to this, but do I need to follow up on this in some way, or should I just let it go as an embarrassing moment for us both?
Ooooh, that’s … quite a cover. Part of her embarrassment might be that it looks like it could be outright porn or erotica rather than a romance novel — in other words, at least for our purposes here, something where the major themes are graphic sexual content intended to arouse. (Although my husband insists he’d think it was an ad for cologne, so who knows.
As for what to do, you do have the option of saying nothing and just being scrupulously professional with her from here on. Personally, though, if it were me, I’d have more peace of mind if I said something. You could say, “I’m really embarrassed that you saw what I was listening to the other day — I was scrolling through audiobook samples for background while I worked and didn’t realize what the cover of that one looked like until I paused it. I wanted to apologize for it!”
2. My father keeps responding to my employee’s posts on Facebook
My father keeps responding to my employee’s political posts on Facebook. To make things even more awkward, my father is very conservative and my employee is very liberal, so you can guess that their opinions go together like oil and water. I feel that it is inappropriate for my father to be interacting with someone I supervise, and I asked him to stop. He feels that Facebook is a public forum, and that the fact that I supervise someone should not deny his right to respond to a public post.
(Before I was promoted to be his supervisor, I was friends with this employee on Facebook. When I became his manager I did not unfriend or block him, just stopped interacting or commenting on his posts completely, and let him know I’d be doing that. At some point, though, he and my father friended each other, but it was almost certainly because they were both connected to me. I realize now I should have completely cut the Facebook connection/unfriended this employee at the beginning. Lesson learned!)
While the posts in question are political, I would feel uncomfortable with my father interacting with any of my employees over Facebook, no matter how innocuous the topic. To me, it feels like it crosses boundaries. As I have asked him to stop without success, should I mention to my employee that I am aware of the posts and he is welcome to block my father if he wishes? Or should I stay out of it because Facebook is a public forum, and this is outside and unrelated to work?
For some context: The employee knows this is my father. My father is retired and has no relationship at all to my workplace. My employee has never mentioned my father’s Facebook responses at work.
Aggggh, what is your father doing?! Personally, if my parent were doing this, I would seriously consider sneaking on to their computer and unfriending the employee, but assuming that’s not an option and you know a harder line stance with your dad would be fruitless, then yeah, say something to your employee. I’d say, “I’m so sorry about my father’s comments on your Facebook posts. I have no idea how you two ended up connected, but it’s incredibly weird that he’s doing that. Please feel free to unfriend or block him with impunity.” If he says he doesn’t feel the need to, it might be worth telling him that you’re going to unfriend him so you don’t have to get riled up by seeing your dad do it and not to take it personally since you should have done that when you became his manager anyway. Say this all in a warm tone and it should be fine.
3. I found a perfect candidate — do I need to interview others?
I recently posted a position that’s a bit above entry-level. People from various backgrounds could do well in the role, but I had a pretty specific profile in mind when I wrote the job description. Basically, I was thinking I’ll never find someone who checks all these boxes, but I did! This person has the right education, the right work experience, lives in the right location, and comes with a glowing recommendation from a former colleague who I couldn’t respect more. Our first phone conversation was the professional equivalent of a great first date. We’re even on the same page about salary (I took your advice and gave our range up front).
I haven’t interviewed anyone else yet. I know best practice is to talk to several candidates, but I just can’t get excited about any of the other resumes in my inbox. Do I need to keep looking even though I think I’ve found “the one”?
In general, if you find a candidate who’s clearly head and shoulders above your other candidates, it can be okay to go ahead and make the hire without going through process for process’s sake. But not always — it depends on your circumstances.
First, are you not excited about the other candidates because they’re clearly not as strong as she is, or are you not excited about them because you’ve already interviewed someone who seems great and it feels easier/faster to wrap up here? If it’s the former and they’re clearly not as strong as she is, you don’t need to interview them for the sake of process. But if it’s more the latter, it’s worth talking to them. There can be more than one really great candidate in an applicant pool, and you want to hire the best of the best.
Also, have you hired for this position before? If so, you probably have the experience to know if this candidate is an unusually good match, and one that’s hard to find. But if you haven’t, you might be assuming that’s the case when it’s not true — and it’s more worth talking with other candidates before making a decision.
And last, if this candidate is like you demographically (same age, gender, race, and/or educational background) or you just like her a lot on a personal level, those are both notorious sources of bias. In either of those cases, it’s smart not to curtail your search after interviewing a single candidate; you’d want to expose yourself to more candidates and make sure she’s really the most qualified.
4. Chronic nail biting in meetings
I recently hired someone who I have since observed is a constant nail biter. I have been around nail biters previously, but I have never experienced it at this heightened level. It is constant and chronic. I am sure some of this behavior is subconscious and at other times it is a nervous habit.
It can be distracting in meetings because there are occasional noises. It is also not hygienic. The nail biting was not present during the interview process, which means the habit may be somewhat controllable. As this person’s manager, is this something I should address with this them AND, if so, how do I approach this sensitive subject?
Is it genuinely a problem? If it’s truly distracting in meetings or it’s making them look unprofessional in front of clients, then you an absolutely address it. But if it really comes down to “I think this is a mildly gross habit that people shouldn’t do, but it’s not really impacting anything at work,” then I’d leave it alone.
If there’s a real work reason to address it, though, then you could say, “I’ve noticed you sometimes bite your nails in meetings, and it can be distracting. I know that can be a hard habit to break, but I’m hoping you can work on controlling it during meetings.” (Do be aware, though, that it can be really tough for some people to stop this habit, and it might be more of a struggle than you’d imagine. If flagging it once doesn’t resolve it, I wouldn’t keep harping on it.)
5. When should I follow up about an interview invitation that I haven’t heard back about?
I applied for an internal position. I received an email yesterday about scheduling an interview, asking when I’d be available. I replied quickly but have not heard anything more.
I’m a usually anxious person and I keep telling myself that the person probably got caught up in meetings or a project and I’ll hear back from him today. However, if I don’t hear back, how long should I wait before following up and is there a good script to follow so I sound contentious and not insecure.
Give it at least two full business days, and possibly three. (Meaning that if you replied at 2 pm on Monday, the absolute earliest you should follow up is 2 pm on Wednesday, and maybe not until Thursday morning.) But if this was just yesterday, you’re definitely not at the point yet where you should be giving this any thought (although I realize anxiety doesn’t care about that). Whoever contacted you has other priorities to deal with, might be trying to coordinate schedules, could be out sick, etc. Plus, it’s an internal position so the chances of them ghosting you are lower than usual.
When you do follow up, you can just reply to your earlier email and say, “Hi, just wanted to check back in with you on scheduling. I’m really interested in talking more and would love to nail down a time.”
coworker saw embarrassing content on my phone, my dad keeps responding to my employee on Facebook, and more was originally published by Alison Green on Ask a Manager.
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