It’s five answers to five questions. Here we go…
1. My coworker is trying to manage me so she’ll get promoted
At my workplace, like at many workplaces, in order to be promoted one needs to demonstrate that they are already doing the work of the level they wish to be promoted to. A colleague with the same job title and level as me has recently made it known that she would like to be promoted. Without warning from her or from our manager, she emailed me an invite for a recurring monthly meeting for us to “discuss” my performance goals for the year and for her to “make sure I am supporting you in any way that I can.”
Am I right in thinking this is patronizing and obnoxious? I don’t have the kind of working relationship with her where we normally talk about work tasks, much less discuss individual performance goals. Is there a way I can get out of being her stepping stone to a promotion?
Yes, this is patronizing and obnoxious — and very much an overstep.
I don’t much agree with the “you need to already being doing the higher level work before we promote you” philosophy, but you’re right that it’s a common practice. But it definitely doesn’t work when you don’t have the authority or standing to take on that higher level work, as is the case with your coworker. She can’t just decide to “manage” you on her own, just like she also can’t decide to write company checks or fire the receptionist without being given the authority to do it.
I’d respond this way to her meeting invitation: “I’ve already got this covered with (manager) so am declining this invitation.” And if she pushes beyond that, say, “I’m confused. Jane is my manager. Why are you asking for this?”
And if you have a good manager who won’t mishandle it, you might also give her a heads-up about what’s happening, so your coworker doesn’t report that you’re welcoming her help or anything like that.
2. Can I report my husband’s coworker to their HR department?
My husband was friends with a coworker who became obsessed with him. While we were separated, she showed up unannounced where he was living because she needed “water” while out on a run, made numerous social media posts insinuating they were in a relationship, told people they were dating, made a Pinterest board labeled with his (unique) name with pins about love and boyfriends and such, and other alarming incidents. He has to work
with this person on numerous projects and hates conflict so he wanted to just ignore everything so as not to cause problems at work.
When I asked her about her behavior, she made false claims that he had picked her up from the airport and they discussed my concerns, then used sexual innuendos to suggest they had sex numerous times. She also told me that I needed to “move on” and “let him live his life” even though we are together. She seems unbalanced and brazen. Can I anonymously report her for behavior that is stalking/harassment to their HR department? My husband would not want that, but when he once asked her “what the hell?” she claimed that she had to rush off to a meeting and has never apologized.
No, you cannot report someone to HR at a company you don’t work with. Your husband is the only one who has standing to address this — and you definitely don’t have standing to override his decisions about how to best manage his own work life. You can talk to him about he’ll handle it, but it’s his to deal with (both at work and with this woman directly), not yours. (I’m assuming you’ve considered the possibility that the coworker isn’t actually lying, but if not … you do need to.)
3. Can I ask someone to stop tagging me on LinkedIn?
Almost a year ago, I interviewed someone for a position and ultimately decided to hire someone else. I let this person know, kindly, and figured that would be that. However, she’s been tagging me and others in these weird public LinkedIn posts about her skillset and experiences ever since. Is there an acceptable way of asking her to stop including me?
LinkedIn does let you turn off the feature that lets people tag you, but you can only do it site-wide, not for one person, and you may not want that. You could try blocking her on the platform; I haven’t been able to find anything indicating whether that’ll stop her from tagging you or not, but you could give it a try.
But you can also just ask her to stop. I’d say it this way: “Jane, I enjoyed meeting you last year, but could I ask you to stop tagging me in your posts on LinkedIn? I get a notification every time, and it’s a lot in my already crowded in-box. Thanks for understanding.”
4. Does everyone get fired at some point in their career?
I’m a long-time reader, in my 30s, great job, no issues at work. But the more I read AAM, the more I think about something I was told when I was younger. My mother’s twin sister had just been let go from a job and told me, “Everyone gets fired at least once in their life.” This hasn’t happened to me, but I’m wondering if you agree?
Nope. Lots of people have never been fired. But what is true is that being fired is very common, lots of successful people have been fired at some point in their careers, and it doesn’t indicate that you’re a failure or that you’ll be marked by it forever. I suspect that was more of what she was getting at — and, having just been fired herself, it might have been a bit of a self-pep-talk too, or even an attempt to put it in context for you.
5. My former employer says I quit, but they really laid me off
Earlier this year, I went through the hiring process at a new employer, which included a background check. As part of that background check, my former employers were contacted and my reason for leaving was verified against my application — standard stuff. I’ve gone through a similar check before, as recently as two years prior, without issue. This time, though, was different.
A couple of days into the check, a team member from my future employer called to tell me they had gotten ahold of Past Employer X and their records show I quit on Y date in 2017. But I didn’t quit; I was asked to leave and was given a payout upon leaving. My position was eliminated as a result of a merger that resulted in a full house cleaning of management six months post-merger.
I explained and all proceeded smoothly. I have now been with Current Employer for nearly 90 days. I wonder, though, if having the “quit” vs. “position eliminated” designation on my record at Past Employer X may cause issues in the future. If it is going to cause issues, do I need to just start saying that I quit? It feels disingenuous.
Don’t start saying you quit when that’s not true! Get in touch with the past employer and ask them to correct their records. This could be as simple as someone making one wrong keystroke when your departure was recorded, and it might be something you can get fixed with a single phone call.
If for some reason you’re not able to get it fixed, you can proactively explain the situation to reference checkers in the future (and I’d hold on to your separation paperwork for that reason): “I was laid out as part of a mass layout after a merger. I learned from a past background check that for some reason their records say I resigned, but I’d be happy to show you the layoff paperwork if you need it.”
my coworker is trying to manage me so she’ll get promoted, reporting my husband’s coworker, and more was originally published by Alison Green on Ask a Manager.
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