my boss doesn’t want my toddler in the background on work calls, coronavirus cancellations, and more

It’s five answers to five questions. Here we go…

1. My manager doesn’t want my son in the background on work calls

I work remotely for an insurance company as a nurse care manager, and my hours are from 9-5:30 pm. My son is a preschooler and is gone for most of my shift from 8:30 am until 2:30 pm. He has special needs but he’s a rather manageable four-year-old. I have regular coverage for him after school, but on one recorded line (all the calls are recorded) he came to me and the recording captured me telling him to remain quiet because I was on the phone. I got a call from my manager saying that the next time she hears my son in the background, she will get HR involved.

I’ve worked in many different areas and locations, and there has never been a time when I’ve had a completely background-free phone call. Even in the office where I used to work, you could always hear chatter, laughter, music, screaming/yelling, and a ton of interruptions. I’ve designated a secluded place in my home as my work area, but I can’t completely soundproof the place. I also can’t put a mute button on my son even when he’s talking in the background or push him away when he hasn’t seen me all day. What can I say to my manager to shed some light on this issue while still being professional and forthright?

Well … the thing is, background office chatter tends to read differently on the phone than a four-year-old does. Our brains tend to filter out the first as “normal, expected office noise” (unless it’s really over-the-top) but hear little kid voices as more jarring and unexpected for the context. For a lot of people it will read as less professional or like your attention isn’t fully on them.

So I don’t think your manager is wrong in wanting you to find a solution. That said, her approach is bizarre — she should have a real conversation with you about it, not just issue a threat. (And I don’t know why her threat is to bring in HR when she’s the one who should have authority here.) So she’s handling this badly, but the underlying point isn’t an unreasonable one.

Is it possible to take a scheduled break right when your son comes home so you can greet him, and then have his caregiver keep him away from your work space until the end of your shift? I know that’s easier said than done, but you could explore things like having his caregiver take him somewhere out of the house for most of that time, or erecting an additional barrier before the door to your office, or so forth.

2. Company wants employee who canceled trip because of coronavirus to pay for his ticket

An employee with my company has backed out of a business trip to a major city in SE Asia set to take place in 2 weeks because he thinks it is too high-risk with the Wuhan Coronavirus outbreak happening. Another employee has voluntarily taken his place. Administration is upset with his decision to stay behind, and is discussing making him reimburse the company for his ticket. This employee is otherwise stellar and regularly goes above-and-beyond in his role. I think it is a huge mistake to punish him over this. How can I relay that to management?

Try this: “Requiring Bob to pay the cost of his ticket would cost us more in employee morale and trust —with Bob, but also with other employees who hear about it — than it would save us in airfare. We shouldn’t penalize employees for making risk assessments about their own health and backing out of non-essential travel during a worldwide health crisis.”

3. Candidates research me and bring up their findings awkwardly

I’ve noticed a trend in recent candidates I’ve interviewed: they’ve started researching me. I find it odd considering I am not particularly noteworthy in my field and they are using the information in a weak way. For example, “I saw you wrote a paper titled X, but I didn’t read it” or “I saw you were a part of organization Y” – “Yes, I am” – (awkward silence). Then I’m left unsure how to respond or how to bring the conversation back on track.

Is this a thing? Do you have any ideas for a better redirecting response I could give?

Yeah, this sounds like candidates who have read advice that they should research their interviewer and try to connect about something in their background … but they’re executing it badly! The idea isn’t to announce a random fact about the interviewer, but to genuinely build rapport. If you can’t do it genuinely (“I went to school in Chicago too — I love the art museum there”), its better to skip it. It’s not a requirement, and it can just create awkwardness if you do it like your candidates have been doing it.

As for how to respond, you can probe a little — “I did work there! Do you have a connection to the organization?” — but it’s also okay to just move on like this:

Candidate: “I saw you wrote a paper titled Great Frogs in Literature, but I didn’t read it.”
You: “I did write that! I’ve always had an interest in frogs.”
(awkward silence)
You: “Well, let’s dive in! Tell me what led you to apply for this position.”

It’s not the smoothest transition, but you can only work with what they give you.

4. Self-assessment form asks if I’m planning to leave the organization

I’m in the middle of filling out my annual performance review. One of the questions asks if I’m interested in “other career opportunities internally or externally,” how soon do I see this happening, etc.

What’s the point of this question? It seems to me that people have the right to disclose their plans when they feel ready to do so, whether or not the topic comes up on a form in January.

I’m strongly considering a move abroad in the fall (as in, wheels are in motion), but I really don’t want to tell people this now, and I especially don’t want my manager to use this as an excuse to see me as disengaged and give me a lower merit increase. (I am disengaged, but she doesn’t need to know that.) So on a personal level, I feel like I have no choice but to lie by omission.

They ask that question because sometimes the answers are helpful or relevant for your employer to know, and not always against your interests to provide. But it’s not a court order to provide information! You should assume there’s an implied “if you’re willing to share” attached to that question. If there’s nothing you’re up for sharing at the moment, it’s fine to answer with “not at the moment.”

5. We have to repay our tuition reimbursement if we leave while enrolled in classes

I have worked for various colleges/universities my entire career. One of the major benefits of working in higher ed is the tuition remission that is traditionally part of the staff benefits package.

I just discovered that the tuition benefits rules at my new university require staff to repay their tuition if they leave the university or are fired while enrolled in classes. I am floored. I have never heard of an employer requiring employees to repay a benefit. Is this legal? Retiring employees are not required to repay tuition — only employees who leave the university for another position or are terminated for cause. The tuition payback is prorated, based on when the semester ends and when the employee’s last day was.

I can’t speak to universities specifically (because maybe they do it differently), but at least outside of academia it’s super common — far more common than not — for employers to require employees to stay for a certain amount of time (often one or two years) after they cover tuition or to have to repay it (usually prorated) otherwise. The idea is that they don’t want to fund education that won’t benefit them; if you’re going to let them pay for classes that you immediately use to get a job somewhere else, the investment doesn’t make sense for them. The part about having to repay it if you’re fired isn’t as common — typically it’s if you choose to leave — but otherwise this is a pretty standard (and legal) policy.

my boss doesn’t want my toddler in the background on work calls, coronavirus cancellations, and more was originally published by Alison Green on Ask a Manager.



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