It’s five answers to five questions. Here we go…
1. Will my lack of poker face stop me from being promoted?
I work in a conservative field, in one of the less conservative departments. Our team culture is that we have all conference calls via video chat, which I don’t mind for the most part because my team is spread across the U.S. and it allows us to know each other better than if we simply spoke by phone or Skype. However, I have a very expressive face: if I’m irritated with a decision or I think a suggestion is amusing, it all shows up on my face. I generally turn my video off if I know I’m going to have a lot of trouble; if I’ll be speaking with particular people about particular topics and I know my face will out me for thinking they are making poor decisions, I’ll mute my video. But on occasion I’ll be on a call and my face will give me away. The other day, our manager made an offer to a person who the rest of the team didn’t think would be a good fit, and when I had a separate call later with my manager, she said, “You didn’t look happy at the end of that call.” I explained some of my concerns and outlined some other (unrelated) bad news I had gotten that day, and it hasn’t come up again since.
Yet since that day, I’ve been wondering if my face will prevent me from getting promoted. I’m currently in a managerial role but don’t have direct reports, but I have reason to believe there will an opening in the next level up within the next 6-12 months. Is inadvertently looking like I think someone is an idiot is the type of thing that will really hamper my chances of moving up into a more strategic/people-facing role? Shy of getting Botox and effectively shutting off all communication from my face, what can I do? I am practicing keeping a neutral face, but really struggle with it, especially if anything unexpected comes up.
Yeah, that can potentially hold you back. Looking irritated or like you think a colleague is an idiot is unpleasant for the people around you and if it happens more than very occasionally (like once a year) it will indeed make people question whether you’re cut out for more responsibility. That might feel unfair, but the thing is … you’re showing obvious disdain for the people you work with! That’s a pretty big deal.
It has the potential to be an even bigger problem if you manage people. If your face shows impatience, irritation, or disdain for the people you’re managing, that’s going to carry even more weight and can seriously affect your team’s quality of life, as well as willingness to talk with you, suggest new ideas, etc. (Think about how you’d feel if your boss’s face conveyed those emotions while you were talking.)
This is one of those things that can feel very much like “this is just the way I am” — which makes it extra frustrating when you hear it’s a problem — but lots of people who have felt that way at some point have ended up finding ways to control it. There’s lots of advice in the comments on this post and this post that might help.
2. Coworkers won’t stop talking about my vegetarianism
I deal with a lot of anti-vegetarian micro-aggression at work. I’m a tech worker, but I work for a city department of public works and, culturally … it’s pretty old-fashioned. People seem to feel the need to interrogate me about my breakfast shake, or oat milk’s existence, or that they heard Tofurky is disgusting. And no, HR won’t care, and yes, I’m looking for another job. But putting a pin in those solutions, how would you handle these situations? One on one, people are generally respectful about it, but as a herd they tend to bottom-denominator. Also, I never bring it up. Ever. I know that being a vegetarian often triggers other people so I don’t say anything about it unless I have to.
Ah yes, people who insist on taking your personal dietary choices as implicit commentary on their own diet, which is what this is. These people are annoying.
You’ll never be able to stop it, but you can decline to engage by making it really boring for them and determinedly asking about something else:
* “Eh, I hate talking about food. Tell me about (your trip to Tahoe/your kid’s concert/your massive new computer monitor/that weird memo we got).”
* “I’ve taken a vow of silence about my diet at work. Tell me about (that play you saw/the puke in the conference room/that amazing hat).”
* “Diet talk is so boring. Tell me about (your weekend/the latest on Harry and Meghan/the fire in your car).”
If someone is really obnoxious, try: “It’s really weird that you’re so fixated on this when I never bring it up.” Or even: “You’re being rude right now, so let’s move on.” (Obviously you can only say that last one in certain contexts, and generally not with people senior to you, much as it might be deserved.)
For what it’s worth, some of these people might genuinely be interested in better understanding vegetarianism or even wondering if they might want to try it themselves; they’re not necessarily all obnoxious hecklers. You’re not obligated to be their source of education if you don’t feel like it, but you might feel less besieged if you see a range of potential motivations behind all the comments.
3. My coworker is dating a sex offender and there’s a daycare in our building
Someone I work with is in a relationship with a registered sex offender. She introduced me to him at work party. I am sure it is not a case of mistaken identity.
I had seen him once or twice before at our office, but I had no idea who he was or why he was there. Once I was introduced to him, I recognized him. When I was a student, I spent a summer volunteering at a nonprofit where the mission was to assist child victims of predators. The recognition of him came from my time there. An online search confirms it is him. I don’t think anyone else knows about him; it has never come up when I’ve been there.
Our work has nothing to do with children (education, social work, etc.) but our office is located in a building that has on-site daycare for workers of the many companies and firms who have space in the building. Him coming to our building is a violation because of his status. He isn’t allowed to come here because of the daycare.
Tell your local police department. They should be able to take it from there, and they’re equipped to investigate and enforce the terms of his release. That’s a cleaner, more direct way to go, as opposed to you trying to address it with your coworker or your company. You could also inform the daycare directly (but I’d do that in addition to, not in place of, informing the police).
4. What can I do when I’m bored at work?
I work in customer service for a hobby retailer. During our busy holiday season, phones will literally ring nonstop all day, but most of the time, we have two main duties in addition to answering phones and emails. Once those main duties are done (usually around noon), it is usually DEAD. 40 minutes between phone calls, no emails for hours, dead.
During that dead time, we are required to “look busy,” since we have an open-plan office that lots of other people in the company routinely pass through. I have been at this job for over a year now, and still struggle with looking busy. I’m very efficient at my job and like getting things done, and my manager has even jokingly told me to do things more slowly — not because of any flaws with the actual work, but so we won’t run out of tasks too early in the day. (She has been explicit about that reason.) At my last performance review, my manager said I’m doing great work and she wants me to have more responsibility, but the nature of our office is such that there just isn’t more for me to do.
I try to fill this time by reading blogs related to our industry (there aren’t many) and researching techniques that our customers have questions about, but there’s only so much of that out there. All of my other coworkers, including my supervisor, spend lots of time on Facebook, but I don’t feel comfortable with that, especially because my supervisor’s desk has a direct line of sight to my screen. Knitting in the office is explicitly forbidden, and I can’t leave my desk in case the phone does ring. Do you have any suggestions for generic office activities that I can do to make the most of my downtime? I know the idea of getting paid to sit in a chair and do nothing seems appealing, but the boredom makes me anxious and I would rather be doing something!
Two options are to propose your own work (figuring out if there’s a problem you could try solving or a project you could tackle) or to create your own self-designed program of study (learn to code, learn a new language, learn all there is to know about platypuses, whatever lines up with your interests). But if you can’t fill all your time with that and everyone else is on Facebook, an another is to read books from your computer (as opposed to bringing in a physical book, which it sounds like you couldn’t do). There are lots of e-readers for computers, not just mobile devices.
5. If I have a shorter work week, when should overtime pay kick in?
My employer has a 37.75 work week, with an unpaid half-hour lunch. Do I have to work 40 hours to start getting overtime? This means I am working 2.25 hours straight time and then start my overtime pay! Is it legal for them to do this?
Yes. Federal law only requires overtime pay (time and a half) for hours worked over 40 in a week. Even if your company has its own shorter standard week, the legal requirement for overtime pay won’t kick in until you go over 40. (A few states require overtime pay after X number of hours in a day — but all of this is based on the thresholds in the law, not your company’s own definition of full-time.)
I don’t have a poker face, coworkers are obsessed with my vegetarianism, and more was originally published by Alison Green on Ask a Manager.
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