It’s five answers to five questions. Here we go…
1. I’m applying for a job with my sister and think I was treated unfairly
I went for an interview last week for a role that would mean working directly for my sister. I declared on my application form that I was related to her, and when she saw that I had applied, she also declared our relationship. I fit all of the essential and desirable criteria and I was invited for an interview. I was informed via email that the interview panel would include my sister.
Upon arrival at the interview, just as I was sitting down, I was informed that my sister would not be part of my interview in order to “protect the integrity of the process.” She was, however, present for the interviews of every other candidate.
I believe that I was treated completely unfairly because of who I am and neither of us were given the opportunity to show that we can separate personal from professional. She would have been the third panel member had she been included in my interview, so surely any accusations of nepotism could have been easily quashed simply by the fact that there were two other people in the interview who did not know me, and a balanced view could have been obtained by all three.
I know it isn’t discrimination in the sense of me having a protected characteristic, but it does feel like discrimination as I was treated differently to all the other candidates and not given an opportunity to show my professional self to my sister. We don’t discuss work, ever, and so she really doesn’t know my work persona.
FYI, I do not know if I was successful yet so this isn’t a case of sour grapes or anything like that. I want to know if this is a company that I would actually want to work for if I have been successful because either way, I disagree with my treatment.
They actually didn’t go far enough! They shouldn’t even consider you for a job working directly for your sister! Most companies have policies against working for close family members, because the potential for bias and conflict of interest (or the appearance of those things) is too great. That’s not discrimination — that’s responsible hiring and responsible managing.
If they’re seriously considering letting your sister manage you, (a) they’re wrong and (b) of course she shouldn’t be included on the interview panel. Her input is too likely to be biased or to be perceived as biased (which is, of course, exactly why she can’t manage you either). If you were a different candidate and found out the hiring manager had also interviewed her sister, would you assume you got a fair shake? Most people wouldn’t, and the company would look terrible. (They will also look terrible to the rest of your sister’s team and other colleagues if they allow you to hire her.)
2. Can I ask my colleagues not to mime shooting themselves?
Occasionally, when things get stressful at work, colleagues will mime shooting themselves in the head. I completely understand that they are doing so in a lighthearted manner as a means to express their frustration, but it really, really bothers me.
I lost my youngest sibling to suicide, and whilst most of the time I can shrug off the mimed action and ignore it, sometimes it brings all the feelings of grief rushing back. Is there any way to politely ask them to show their frustration in another way without having to explain why it upsets me? I don’t want to come across as a complete stick-in-the-mud when they’re obviously just blowing off steam, but I also want to avoid the awkwardness of potentially crying at work and having to talk about a dead sibling.
Yes! You could say, “ Could I ask you not to do that? You couldn’t have known this, but due to some family history, that’s upsetting for me to see people joke about.” Or even just, “Please don’t joke about suicide.” This is a deeply painful topic for many people, and you’re not being a stick-in-the-mud by pointing that out.
3. I cried at work when my paycheck was short
Right before the holidays, someone made an error inputting my pay and I was short about $500 on my check. The solution offered was to have the difference put on the next biweekly check which, while not crazy, came at a super bad time of the year (holiday shopping, travel, etc.). I was so ashamed that I was in a position where $500 mattered so much and not having it on time would be stressful that I actually cried at work. I managed to make it to the bathroom and wasn’t loud (no sobbing) but my coworkers did see me tear up when talking about it/trying to sort it out. I feel really dumb and I’m hoping you can provide some advice/perspective.
Oh my goodness, you have nothing to be embarrassed about! Money is incredibly stressful, and hearing that you wouldn’t have money that you earned and that you were rightly counting on is frustrating and upsetting and stressful, and in many circumstances could be devastating. $500 is a lot of money. Lots of people would be stressed and upset by this!
You should not be embarrassed. Your office should be embarrassed that they put you in this situation, and that they didn’t offer to cut you a check that day to make it immediately right.
I promise you any coworkers who knew what was going on were sympathetic and not judging you; some of them may have been judging your company (and rightly so). Anyone who didn’t know what was going on but knew you were crying probably figured something else explained it — there are so many things that could legitimately cause tears at work, from illness to a family emergency to terrible personal news.
Don’t give it another thought.
4. All my emails end with “let me know if you have any questions”
Do you have any suggestions for an alternate phrasing of “let me know?” I was filing my emails the other day and noticed that this has become a catchphrase of mine. Since then, I have been pausing to consider other ways of closing emails when I’d usually just say, “Let me know if you have any questions or comments.”
Or, you could tell me that I’m overthinking things and I’ll just resign myself to updating my email signature.
Well, you’re probably overthinking it. But I wonder if you’re searching for a closing sentence when you actually don’t need one. Sometimes you really do need to say “let me know if you have any questions.” But a lot of the time, that’s understood to be implied by the context and you don’t need to say it explicitly every time. I would experiment with leaving it off and just signing off with, “Thank you” or even just your name.
If you really do feel the context demands it, though, there are other ways to word it: “Hope that makes sense! Let me know if I can clarify anything.” … “Glad to answer any questions you might have.” … “Happy to set up a call to talk further.” … etc. But I wouldn’t worry too much about it.
5. Should a company reimburse employees for personal financial loss for vacations tied to a cancelled off-site?
My partner recently started a job (in the U.S.) at a company headquartered in a major European city. Every year they send all their employees to the HQ for a week-long kick-off event. One of the perks tied to the trip is that they allow some employees (depending on tenure and availability) to take vacation before or after the event. Since it is a faraway destination for the U.S.-based employees, this planning happens months in advance.
This year, because of concerns about coronavirus, the company cancelled the off-site with a week’s notice, including all flights. So, the people who had planned vacation time around the event now either have to book new flights at their own expense or miss the trip and eat the cost of whatever is nonrefundable for hotels, tours, rental cars, etc. Do you think the company has an obligation to help offset the financial impact of the sponsored trip’s cancellation for these employees, or is it a risk inherently tied to the perk? My partner wasn’t impacted (he’s too new to be eligible) but I’m curious to hear your opinion.
Ugh. I think ultimately it’s a risk inherent to the perk, and it’s not realistic to expect the company to cover everyone’s canceled vacation plans, especially for a cancellation that was out of their hands. But it really sucks, and the company should make it clear they understand the difficulties it caused people. What do others think?
I’m applying for a job with my sister, my colleagues pretend to shoot themselves, and more was originally published by Alison Green on Ask a Manager.
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