It’s five answers to five questions. Here we go…
1. Can I tell someone they laugh too much?
I supervise an intern who tends to respond with short bursts of laughter at incongruous times, like when I am explaining something to her or when I am giving her directions (and I’m not trying to be funny!). It can be pretty jarring. I noticed it during her interview, but I chalked it up to nerves and hoped it would subside as she became more comfortable. One month in, I don’t think it has decreased. I am concerned that clients and colleagues will think she is mocking them or not taking them seriously. I also hate the idea of being the laughter police! How should I approach this?
Oh god, I did this on a first date once when I was like 21. I was not comfortable around the dude at all (largely because of his beautiful hair), and at some level I must have felt laughing a lot, even when it was unwarranted, would demonstrate how relaxed and cool I was. It did not. It came across quite strangely. I am cringing remembering it now. (We did, however, date for about a year after that, which says something about his standards.)
Anyway, it sounds like nerves or discomfort here too, but who knows. You’re right to worry about it giving a weird impression to clients and colleagues.
Unfortunately, I don’t think there’s a way to bring this up that won’t make her feel a little awkward, but it would still be a kindness to find a way to talk to her about it. I would say this: “Can I give some feedback on something? I’ve noticed you often interject with laughter when I’m explaining something or giving you directions. A lot of people do that when they’re nervous and don’t always even notice they’re doing it. I wanted to mention it because it could make colleagues or clients worry that you’re not taking them seriously, even when you are.” You could add, “It’s really normal to have little communication style things like this to work out when you’re early in your career. I had them too, and it’s not a big deal at all so I hope you won’t feel awkward that I brought it up. I think you’re doing great and this is just a minor thing that could help you do even better.”
2. I found our office manager’s pornographic bookmarks on my laptop
I work remotely and was having some issues with my work-issued laptop that required me to send it in to a main office for our office manager to handle repairs. At the end of that process, she needed to log in under my account to make sure everything was working before sending it back to me. I know this is terrible IT practice, but I’m very new and everything’s a mess with COVID-19 closures, so I didn’t push back too hard, just changed my login info immediately after receiving the laptop back.
Upon receiving my computer, I opened up a web browser and noticed her personal account was still signed in. I immediately signed out of her account, but after reopening the browser, there were still a bunch of personal bookmarks, extensions, and website passwords saved in the settings. It looks like she inadvertently imported them all from her account. I deleted everything (passwords, browser history, extensions, bookmarks) and tried not to look at anything more than absolutely necessary. Unfortunately, deleting a folder full of bookmarks requires clicking on it, and one folder labeled “private” had rather a lot of links to obviously pornographic content. I didn’t click on any of the links, obviously, but the names made it very clear what they were.
Everything is erased from my computer. I am planning to pretend I never saw anything and assume those links were accidentally ported over from a personal device, but is there any reason I should take a different approach? She could only have been logged in under my account for a maximum of two hours on a very chaotic day, so I don’t think she would have visited any problematic sites in that time. I do not have any access to confidential documents in my work.
Oooh, how embarrassing for her. I’d let it go. As you note, she could have inadvertently imported them all from her personal account; there’s no reason to think she’s saving this stuff on her work account. It doesn’t mean she’s not — but there’s enough room to give her the benefit of the doubt that I don’t think you need to worry about it any further. (And really, even if this stuff is on her work account, I don’t think that would obligate you to act unless you had authority over her or had other concerns about her conduct, like if she’d been leering at people or she was this guy or so forth.)
3. Eating and nail-biting during Zoom calls
I’m on Zoom calls three or four hours a day now, often during breakfast or lunchtime. Provide me a ruling: can I eat with my camera on? Can I bite my nails with my camera on?
Nails: No.
Eating: Probably, as long you’re talking to coworkers and not clients, and as it’s not an especially camera-unfriendly food like a giant meatball sub with sauce dripping everywhere. But pay attention to the culture of your office; if no one else is ever eating on camera, you should be more cautious … but also maybe point out that these meetings are scheduled at meal times and it would be good to cut people to slack on eating during them.
Also, you can get a lot of grace by just declaring at the start of the call, “I may have to eat during this call because I have back-to-back meetings today.”
4. Should I ask future job interviewers what their response was to coronavirus?
A meme has been circulating on social media where a potential employee asks their interviewer what their response was to COVID-19 and what steps they took to provide for the health and safety of their employees.
I think the response could speak volumes about company culture, existing or planned infrastructure, and job security. But as important as this question is, I also think it could also come off as adversarial, confrontational, or even upsetting to the interviewer. Do you think this is something that people should ever ask in an interview?
God, yes, ask. A company that bristles at that question is telling you a lot about themselves — things that it’s very useful to learn before you decide to work there.
Good companies will be glad to discuss this. This crisis is remaking every aspect of work right now. It’s not weird to ask an interviewer how they’ve handled it. And I don’t mean that in a moralizing way, like “they damn well should be okay with being asked”; I mean that good employers genuinely, sincerely will be okay with being asked.
Of course, as always, if you need a job more than you need a good job, you may prefer to play it safe and not risk screening out bad employers. But the most of the time, screening out bad employers is the goal.
5. Do I have to say no to a job offer because I’m newly pregnant?
I have been working at the same firm for the past several years. I have been intermittently job searching for the last two years after my boss has repeatedly not followed through on promises regarding bonuses, raises, etc. It’s even become a running joke with him that he promises me one thing and does another (not very funny!).
For the past three months, I’ve been in a hiring process with a great new firm. It would be a huge step up in terms of responsibilities and how excited I am to go to work every day. I really want the job and it seems like I could possibly expect an offer shortly … even amidst this horrible time of uncertainty.
Here’s my problem – I just found out I am three weeks pregnant with my first child. Do I have to say no to a possible job offer because of this? I don’t want to start a new working relationship on a lie but due to my family history of miscarriages, I really don’t want to tell anyone until I am farther along. I really want this job but I don’t want to put my integrity at risk.
You absolutely, 100% do not need to disclose your pregnancy until you’re ready to. It wouldn’t be starting a new working relationship based on a lie. It would be you protecting your private medical information until you’re ready to share it, which includes waiting until a time when you feel more confident you will carry the pregnancy to term.
I imagine you’re worried they wouldn’t hire you if they knew about the pregnancy. But that would be illegal. It’s against the law for an employer to make a hiring decision based on the candidate being pregnant. That’s because we want to protect the job opportunities of pregnant people and women in general. You’re not morally obligated to circumvent the protections the law gives you.
Plus, three weeks is very early. Most people wouldn’t expect you to disclose a pregnancy so early on — and anyone who does the math once you do announce will assume you might not have even known at the time you accepted the offer.
(That said, make sure to factor in that with the new job you won’t have been there long enough to have FMLA coverage for maternity leave, plus the other reasons that changing jobs right now can be tricky in some cases but not all. That doesn’t mean it’s not the right calculation — these are just factors to think about.)
intern laughs inappropriately, risqué bookmarks on my computer, and more was originally published by Alison Green on Ask a Manager.
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