It’s five answers to five questions. Here we go…
1. I was fired because my fiancee forged me a doctor’s note
With the coronavirus going around, my fiancee and I are high-risk. I have hypertension and heart health issues, and she has cancer and immunity issues. I was trying to get a doctor’s recommendation for PTO. I was going the legit route — no deception or misleading information. Well, my cardiologist would not give me a recommendation, so my fiancee created a fake doctor’s note with my medical diagnosis and emailed it to me as a PDF, which I sent to HR, not knowing it was falsified. Since my fiancee told me it was from my cardiologist, I did not question it.
I was fired. I had just been hired full-time two weeks prior. I even tried to get a valid note and plead my case that I didn’t know the note was falsified and was still fired. Is there anything I can do? My fiancee even spoke with my company’s HR and admitted what she did. It did not matter, they still terminated me.
I’m as confused as your company probably was! Typically a doctor wouldn’t give your fiancee a note on your behalf because of patient privacy laws, so the story sounds suspect. Even with an explanation (like that you’d given her medical power of attorney, or you didn’t know privacy laws would prevent this so had no reason to question what she told you), it still sounds suspect because most people aren’t faking notes for their partners without telling the partner that’s what they’re doing. Most people are going to assume you knew about it, even if you weren’t the one to actually create the fake note.
Submitting a fake doctor’s note is a really big deal; it would get even a long-time employee fired, because it’s such a significant violation of ethics and integrity. Add in that you were new, and they just don’t have enough track record with you to extend you any benefit of the doubt in a situation that looks so strongly against you. So there’s not anything you can do to get the job back, as unfair as that might feel if you really didn’t know. (There is, however, a lot of stuff to be resolved with your fiancee if she did this without your knowledge or permission.)
2. How can I get my company to continue its food perks now that we’re working from home?
My company pre-coronavirus provided daily catered lunches to all employees (or dinner for folks who worked evenings), in addition to a kitchen stocked with snacks and energy drinks. Folks literally could eat breakfast, lunch, dinner, snacks, and bring leftovers home to their kids/family. Now we are all working from home, but a big perk of the job was money saved for our staff in these meals and snacks.
Is it out of line to expect or ask that some sort of daily stipend still be provided for this perk? I feel like everyone is in this place where they “should” feel happy to still be employed and not push things, but I know this added expense, in addition to expecting internet access at home, is a huge and new financial burden for many (in addition to everyone’s new food insecurity as a whole and many dealing with so many new and unforeseen financial/emotional/physical burdens and barriers) and I strongly think it should be something the company now still offers (and had already had a budget for anyway).
I’m seeing some places (with far less revenue and job security) offering stipends for working-from-home equipment (chairs, desks, etc. that some folks don’t have) and some even offering a bonus payout for flexibility in this time or even money for at-home wellness options. I have asked at our company, and they only push our EAP (which in better times was subpar). I just want more to support my team. What can be done?
Well … employers who provide that amount of food are usually doing it to make it easy for people to stay in the office and not leave for meals — a point that’s now moot. But even when it’s genuinely just a morale boost, it’s a hard sell to argue they should be shipping snacks and meals to people’s homes. The logistics of doing that are much more complicated than stocking your office kitchen. It will also be perceived as a lot more … decadent than just stocking the office, and at a time when most companies are feeling very conservative about their budgets (with good reason — even “safe” industries are working in an uncertain environment right now).
You can certainly say, “If we’re looking for ways to boost morale and make these new conditions more comfortable for people, what about sending some version of the office food perks — sending snack packs or even gift cards for meal delivery?” But you’d want to frame it as a suggestion, not an entitlement. And if I’m reading your letter correctly, you’ve already asked and been told no; I would not continue to push.
That said, if your company pays wages that make food insecurity likely, that itself is something to address. If you have folks who previously could only feed themselves because of the company’s food largess, that’s a serious problem with your wages and you can push for specific help for folks at that pay level now.
3. My otherwise great boss makes me feel pressured to work while sick
I have a job I love at the employer of my dreams, and my supervisor is one of the two best bosses that I have ever had. He’s kind, sympathetic, understanding, and funny. Most of my job duties are highly time-sensitive. Soon after I started last year, I had emergency surgery that I though would keep me home for one day. I found out in the recovery room I would have to stay home in bed for at least seven full days. My boss made a few comments here and there at the time and since then about how tough that was and that it would have been nice to have advance warning. I was surprised because it was so out of character for him to say something that was not 100% understanding and supportive.
I now have been dealing with serious symptoms of what is almost certainly COVID-19 for over two weeks. We are all working from home for now. Following company policy made specifically to address the pandemic, I used up all my sick time and have been working as much as I can and using paid “release” time so that I am being paid for my normal full hours. I am not falling behind in my work. My manager is his kind, caring, and sympathetic self regarding my symptoms, and I know he is worried about my health, but he is also clearly stressing out over my inability to work my full hours or to adhere to a regular schedule. This is causing me stress and makes me feel guilty about using the release hours.
I don’t know whether to let this go or address it with him somehow. I’m a laid-back person and prefer to overlook minor things, but feeling guilty over something that is completely out of my control is tough and definitely not good for my health right now.
It’s okay for your manager to feel stressed by the situation, but it’s not okay for him to express that stress around you. It would make anyone in your shoes feel pressured to work when you shouldn’t be and/or concerned that you’re somehow disappointing your boss — both of which are real problems when someone’s dealing with a health issue.
Sometimes in a situation like this, the most effective thing to do is to address it head-on, because that can jog the person into realizing what they’re doing — or at least force the topic away from hints and toward clear, direct conversation. For example: “You’ve made several comments about your stress over my inability to work full hours or a regular schedule right now, which puts me in an awkward spot because health-wise I really can’t do more. Knowing that my health situation will probably will be like this for another couple of weeks, is there something you want me to be doing differently?” Sometimes posing that question will force the person to realize … oh, there really isn’t anything you can do.
Depending on how that conversation goes and on your relationship with your boss, you could add, “I feel a lot of pressure not to disappoint you so when you make comments like X or Y, it makes me feel really guilty although i know there’s nothing I can do.”
Alternately, you could skip this whole conversation and tell yourself that since he’s a good and caring manager, you’re going to assume these comments are just how he lets off stress, but aren’t intended or expected to change your behavior in any way. (And if you find you can’t really believe that, you’ve got to reassess that “good manager” thing.)
4. How do I tell references I’m applying to be an astronaut?
NASA recently opened its astronaut selection application (something they only do for a short window every four years or so) and I decided to apply. I can’t say it’s been my #1 lifelong dream, but I’ve seriously thought about it over the past few years and people close to me have been encouraging. I meet all the requirements and people in my field have become astronauts before, so it’s not totally preposterous. But over 12,000 people applied, so to say it’s a long shot is an understatement.
How do I tell the professional references I had to list about this? I’m confident they would all say great things about me and will probably be nothing but supportive. But I still feel a little silly! Do you have any advice on how to tell professional references about pie-in-the-sky career ideas? I want to be realistic about my chances, but it would also be odd for them to get a call from NASA out of the blue and probably wouldn’t reflect well on me.
I realize I should have figured all this out before submitting my application, but it was due in the height of pandemic confusion. The notes I drafted seemed extra silly in that context.
Is the thing that’s making you feel silly a worry about seeming over-confident to your references? Are you worried about a reaction of “Maggie Valentine sure does think highly of herself!” and/or “Maggie has no idea how competitive this is”?
If so, you might feel better if you just give a nod toward how competitive it is by saying something like, “Obviously it’s a really competitive program and most people aren’t accepted, but I’m excited to give it a shot.
Just make sure you don’t take that too far. Saying things like “I probably won’t get in” or “I know it’s silly” will undermine you. It’s competitive and you’re excited to try is a stronger message — and one that should leave people who are in your corner happy for you.
Good luck!
5. Drinking a mimosa in my company Slack photo
I work in an industry extremely dependent on relationship-building and interpersonal interaction. Part of our transition to work from home has been the institution of a company Slack channel. My organization is small (less than 10 people) and very informal. We were encouraged to use profile pictures, because several members of the team started work remotely and won’t get a chance to meet everyone in person for weeks or months. My boss (the CEO) chose a humorous picture of himself. I chose a formal picture (not a headshot, but something I would be okay with my grandma framing). I’d like to use my favorite picture of myself, where I’m sitting under an old fashioned hairdryer drinking a mimosa before a friend’s wedding, but I don’t know whether that’s appropriate.
Obviously, anything that would be easily branded a “party” picture is a no-go, no matter how flattering/funny, but does the mimosa alone make this a party picture? To clarify, the picture is take in daylight, I’m fully and appropriately clothed, and not drunk looking.
In a small office where the CEO is using a humorous photo of himself, it’s probably fine. The presence of orange juice with alcohol in it shouldn’t change that, as long as the drink itself isn’t the focus on the photo. (And what’s to say it’s not just orange juice?) But it depends heavily on your company culture. I’m using your CEO’s photo as a proxy for info on that, but a more reliable way would be to run the photo by a colleague whose judgment you trust.
my fiancee forged my doctor’s note, food perks when working from home, and more was originally published by Alison Green on Ask a Manager.
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