It’s five answers to five questions. Here we go…
1. Should I require people to leave their video on during team meetings?
I manage a team of 15 that holds a Zoom meeting once per week, like we used to do when we were in person. While they work independently most of the time, there are major projects where everyone has to be on the same page, and we get updates about processes and standing during these meetings.
I’ve noticed that the people who turn their video off (and I know they’re set up for video because it’ll be on at the start of the meeting) often end up reaching out to me to ask questions that we covered in the meeting. Sometimes they reach out hours later, sometimes a few days later. I’m starting to think that the ones with the video off are actually leaving the area, muting the team, or just totally zoned out. Can I require them to keep the video on? Do you think it would help?
There are lots of legit reasons for someone to turn their video off — like bandwidth problems (especially if they share a network with other household members), or they’re eating and don’t want that on camera, or they share space with someone who doesn’t want to be on their video feed.
So rather than a blanket requirement that people leave video on, I’d rather you address it case-by-case when someone seems tuned out. If someone misses something once, write it off as a fluke; even people paying attention occasionally will miss something. But if it happens more than once, then you address it the same way you would if these were in-person meetings: by naming the problem and talking about how to solve it. As part of that discussion, you could ask if keeping video on might help — but the missing key info is the problem, not the video.
(Also, make sure these aren’t super long meetings. Even conscientious people will start to zone out if a meeting drags on and on.)
2. How to politely decline buying a shirt when it’s about cancer
I was hoping you could shed some light on how to gently decline giving money when it centers around cancer.
A manager’s wife got breast cancer earlier this year. The office admin decided that it would be a good show of support to have t-shirts designed (pink with a phrase of support for the wife), so we could all take a picture together and give it to the wife. Office admin is now asking others if they are going to be in the photo and asking for money for the t-shirts.
Here’s the thing though — I don’t want a t-shirt. None of the money will go towards the wife’s care or anything of the sort. Its just money for a shirt that I will wear once and probably never again. Is there any way to gracefully say no? I’d be willing to donate directly to her or a charity, but getting a t-shirt for a photo seems wasteful. Or, is this an instance where I should just close my mouth and spend the money?
It’s okay to decline! And your reasoning is sound.
You could say, “Oh, I’m not buying a shirt! But I’f be glad to sign a card or do a charitable donation.” Or if you want to take it on more directly, you could say, “It’s so nice of you to organize something. Rather than us all buying shirts for one photo, what if we instead did donations in her name to a breast cancer charity? I’d rather direct the money to a place where it can really help.” If she vetos that, then say, “Okay! I feel wasteful buying a shirt just for the photo, but I’m happy to sign a card or otherwise send my support.”
3. Will not changing my name when I get married be a problem at work?
My (cisgendered male) fiancé and I (cisgendered female) are getting married pretty soon and the topic of last names in the workplace came up. I will be keeping my name, and I do not plan on being addressed as Mrs., but as Ms. My fiancé, on the other hand, plans on taking my name and dropping his last name due to his own personal reasons. He works for a major retail company in the warehouse, so they really do not care. However I am working in the healthcare industry at a major insurance carrier in a semi-entry-level position, hoping to move into a leadership role as my education develops. I haven’t seen many people get married in my department except a former supervisor who the company made change her email, and all her documentation to match her new legal name when she hyphenated it, and I remember all the hassle she went though.
I was discussing this with my family and my mother, who worked in the financial industry until last part of the 2000s, said not changing my name or hyphenating it with my fiancé’s will make me look like a divorced women and draw to much attention to myself. Since she is older and has been out of the workforce for over 12 years, I was wondering is this still true? Does it very by industry? Does it even matter at all? Can you give me your two cents?
Ignore your mom, who seems like she might have strange and very outdated ideas about women and marriage.
Her stance makes no sense! First, keeping your name or hyphenating it doesn’t make you look divorced. (Hyphenating it makes you look either married or like the offspring of someone who hyphenated when they married, and keeping it as it is just makes you look the way you’ve always looked.) But also, “looking divorced” isn’t really a thing in a professional setting. No one cares if you’re divorced, and no one looks for clues that are you are. And as for “drawing too much attention to yourself” — again, this is weird. No one thinks that much about your name. In fact, they think more about it when you change it!
People might ask if you’re changing your name, you’ll say no, and then life will go on as normal.
4. Telling someone we’re reopening but not hiring them back
Our company shut down during COVID-19, and our out-of-state corporate offices decided to shutter the company permanently. The regional manager in my area is taking over the trademark and leases, and is trying to keep the local locations afloat.
We are taking this opportunity to restructure the business and shuffle around some employees and responsibilities. To that end, my coworker and fellow department manager is not being asked back, for a variety of reasons, one of which is that they take a lot of things personality and have a very defensive relationship with their fellow managers.
Are we obligated to reach out to them? To my knowledge, they are still under the impression that the company is shut down, but they will obviously be able to observe that we’re still going in some capacity. However, I worry that it’s weird to essentially say “We’re starting up again, but you’re not welcome,” especially when it doesn’t affect their current job situation or unemployment benefits.
You don’t have to, but it’s a gracious thing to do. The person will likely notice at some point, and it’s going to feel pretty crappy to have to put it together on their own.
I agree there’s no great messaging though! The best I can come up with is, “I wanted to update you that after (prior corporate owner) decided to close down the company, (regional manager) decided to take over the trademark and leases for the local locations. We’re restructuring pretty significantly so aren’t able to offer everyone a job, but I wanted to let you know so you aren’t in the dark if you see some reopening activity.” (That’s not great, by any means, but I think it’s better than saying nothing.)
5. Can I ask a current coworker to be a reference?
I’m wondering how appropriate it would be to ask a current colleague to be a reference.
I work as a marketing specialist for a large company and part of my job is being the “business owner” of one of our marketing systems. In this capacity, I liaise between our marketing team and IT to provide feedback on the system, lead the process to request changes, manage access, train marketing users, etc. — any time a marketing person needs some type of support with this system, it flows through me. I really enjoy this part of my job and am targeting roles more aligned to this type of work.
Our IT team is otherwise fully separated from my immediate workgroup (my manager and peers do not interact with them unless I’m out of the office) and this has allowed me to build really strong relationships with the IT team. Since I’m targeting roles in that area and have gotten positive feedback from the manager of that team before, I’d like to ask her to be a job reference. How appropriate would this be? This is my first professional job so I don’t have former managers who I could ask.
That’s absolutely fine. It sounds like she can speak to your work with some nuance — and, even better, she’ll have a managerial perspective on your work, making her a better choice than a peer. My one caveat is to tell her explicitly you’re asking her in confidence because you’re not ready for your manager to know you’re looking yet (and to assess first how likely she’ll be to respect that request).
requiring video during team meetings, telling someone we’re not hiring them back, and more was originally published by Alison Green on Ask a Manager.
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