employee says “kind of” and “you know” constantly, requiring references at the application stage, and more

It’s five answers to five questions. Here we go…

1. My employee says “kind of” and “you know” constantly

I recently on-boarded a new team member who I’m very excited to have in a long needed role, “Jane.” Jane’s interviews went fabulously, with myself and other managers agreeing she was the best fit of the three final candidates. But one thing stuck out to me and our HR director: her use of verbal fillers.

Jane adds an abundance of the following three terms when she speaks: “I suppose,” “kind of,” and “you know.” By “abundance,” I mean practically every few words. She often strings them together, such as, “The data I have, I suppose, kind of, you know, is good enough, you know, to start with.”

I’d like to help coach her out of this habit as I think it will help her build more credibility and confidence and help her keep her answers shorter and people more engaged. Also, our team’s stakeholders speak different languages and though we do business in English, we have to be mindful of how we speak to ensure people can follow. Do you have any advice on how to approach her in a positive way and to help her follow through with practice, without offending her?

Name the issue, explain why it matters, ask her to work on it, and offer whatever resources you can. The “explain why it matters” step is really important and one people often skip. There are jobs where this kind of speaking pattern doesn’t really impact the person’s work, and making a big deal about it can feel like nitpicking or overstepping. But this is a job where it does matter, so make sure you explain the reasons why.

Sometimes just naming the issue — drawing the person’s attention to it as a thing to be more aware of and to work on — can lead to real progress.

From there, ideally you’d give her some room to work on it herself, rather than you formally coaching her and practicing with her. You’re presumably not a speaking coach and not equipped to do this kind of training —I’d rather you offer her other forms of support like public speaking classes or even a coach (who will do things like videotape her and play it back, help her practice, etc.).

2. Colleague keeps asking if I’m “comfortable” with work I’ve agreed to take on

I am a woman serving on a special committee at work. A senior male colleague charged with leading the committee keeps asking me in front of the group if I am comfortable taking on tasks I have just agree to take on (usually related to pulling information together and presenting my findings to the group). It really frustrates me, and it’s embarrassing. I don’t see this question asked of other committee members. I feel like he thinks I either don’t have enough experience “to be comfortable” or I am not willing to speak up if I need help. Neither are true. Am I being overly sensitive? I feel like there are better questions he could ask, like “is there enough time allotted,” “is there anything you need from the group to complete the task,” etc.

It’s possible that he’s asking because you seem hesitant in some way, but unless you are sending out clear signs of discomfort, this is obnoxious and very likely rooted in sexism.

One option is to just respond in the moment and say in a tone of dry amusement, “Yes, I’m perfectly comfortable” (ideally your tone is politely conveying, “Why wouldn’t I be?”). Feel free to throw in a slightly befuddled look that he’s even asking.

But another option is to talk with him privately after the next meeting and say, “You’ve asked me multiple times whether I’m comfortable taking on the tasks I’ve just agreed to, and I’m wondering why. Do you have concerns about my ability to do the work I’m committing to?” Unless he responds with something that changes your assessment (like that usually that work is done by much more senior people or people with a background in X), then you could say, “I’ll speak up if I have concerns about any work I’m taking on, but otherwise I’d ask that you assume I’m as comfortable as any other committee member.”

3. Employers that require references at the application stage

I am mid-career, recently unemployed, and applying to new jobs. I’m finding more and more companies using application forms with required fields, including expected salary and reference contact information. I don’t want to provide references before I’ve even had a first interview, and I don’t know why employers would possibly need them at this stage. These forms require name, email address, phone number, and relationship, so it’s not as if I can fill in a “references on request” line and call it a day. Should I prepare my references for the possibility that they will be contacted by an employer with whom I have not even interviewed? Should I take this kind of rigidity in the hiring process as a red flag?

It’s obnoxious, but it’s not necessarily a red flag. Lot of companies that are decent places to work have ridiculous application systems. (Which is frustrating! It would be much easier if it were a reliable sign that you wouldn’t want to work there.)

Be aware, though, that most companies that collect references at the application stage don’t call them until you’re a finalist. They ask for them early on because it saves them a small amount of time later — they won’t have to wait for you to supply them later because they already have them. It’s still a terrible practice; people want to know when their references will be contacted so they can prepare them, and they also should have the chance to decide if they even want the job before consenting to reference checking. But the majority of the time, employers who collect references early won’t contact them until the end of the process — reference-checking is hugely time-consuming and it doesn’t make sense to do it until you’ve interviewed people and have some idea of who you want to hire. (Some fields can be weird exceptions to this practice, though.)

As for what to do, most of the time it’s safe to assume your references won’t be contacted until after the interview stage, and so you don’t need to alert them every time you apply for a job, just when you’re later in the process. But if you do get an odd employer who contacts them early, you’ll still be covered by the fact that you (hopefully) touched base with your references when you kicked off your job search and gave them a general heads-up then that they might be getting calls. (Generally when people agree to be a reference, that covers you for at least a few months; you don’t need to provide separate alerts about every individual job that might contact them.)

4. We returned after a layoff — but our benefits re-set to new employee level

I was part of a mass layoff due to COVID-19. They have slowly began the re-hiring process, which luckily I was a part of, which is great. However, on the morning of my first day back I received an email stating that for all full-time employees, our seniority would be set to zero. This means we have no PTO for 60 days, then we would receive three days. After a year, we would be eligible to begin accruing our full benefits again.

I am an hourly employee and I have worked for this company for 12 years and had been earning four weeks of PTO a year. As a part of the mass layoff, they had to pay out unused PTO.

My main issue is that this was never discussed in the rehiring phase. I feel like it was a bit sneaky and dishonest. Is it okay for me to ask my manager why it was never brought up?

You can ask that, and you can also push back against it, ideally with a group of coworkers so your voices carry more weight.

It’s reasonable that you don’t still have the accrued benefits that they earlier paid out in cash (because they paid them out so you’re squared up there), but it’s supremely crappy to say you’re essentially brand-new employees who will begin accruing benefits at the stingy rate that new hires do, when they are benefitting from your institutional knowledge and lack of training time/ramp-up time. You should be accruing at the same rate you were at when you left.

5. Can I ask to leave early when work is slow?

I work in a very small architecture firm with about six people total. Since COVID-19 started, there has been less and less work coming through our office. I am a somewhat new employee and have been here 9 months. Due to not having new clients, there is very little work that need to get done. So today I came into the office knowing I had no projects to work on, and it has been two hours and I haven’t done anything — just sat at my desk on social media until my boss thinks of something for me to do. Is it okay for me to ask him to go home today because I’m getting paid for nothing at this point? (I’m hourly and would take the time unpaid.)

In theory, yes. On occasion it’s fine to say, “Since my projects are very slow right now, would it be okay if I left early today?”

In this situation, though, it doesn’t sound like it’ll be any different tomorrow or the next day or next week. And if you do this regularly, you risk highlighting that there’s nothing for them to pay you for, which increases the risk of them deciding to lay you off. So it’s arguably in your best interests to stay, continue to get paid, and not inadvertently make the case that they don’t really need you there.

employee says “kind of” and “you know” constantly, requiring references at the application stage, and more was originally published by Alison Green on Ask a Manager.



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