It’s five answers to five questions. Here we go…
1. My boss is mentoring my employee
I am a director at a government agency. I’m recognized at work for being highly inclusive and engaged in the success of each person on my team. I regularly meet with my employees and coach them in real time.
With that said, one of my employees has set up a mentor relationship with my boss. She also happens to be my boss’ assistant. When my employee first talked to me about setting this up, I thought it seemed like a great opportunity for her, but then I started to question whether or not it was odd for my boss to mentor one of my employees. The two of them work closely every day, considering she is her assistant, and they could even be considered friends.
Today my boss spoke to me about the new arrangement and said that I should expect to see major changes in my employee professionally and personally now that she was being mentored by her personally.
I have encouraged my employee to find a mentor in the past and advised her that often the best mentor is outside of your immediate organization. I understand her reasoning in asking my boss. She’s a strong, female leader in the organization. I think I’m questioning whether or not my boss agreeing to the arrangement is a good idea. Am I being close-minded? Do I need more education on mentoring?
No, it’s a little weird. Certainly a boss (or grand-boss) can be an informal mentor — I’d say I’ve mentored some of the people who have worked for me, and most good bosses do — but the nature of the relationship limits the ways a manager can truly act in that capacity, especially formally.
You share things with a mentor that it might not make sense to share with a boss, at least not as candidly — things like areas where you’re struggling, frustrations you’re having, thoughts about moving on, etc. You might share some of that with a boss, but the boundaries are a lot more narrow than with a mentor; with a boss you need to consider how the info might factor into her thinking in ways you don’t want or intend. And there are some topics where a boss often won’t be the right sounding board, such as if the mentee wants to talk about when it’s time for her to move on or whether the organization is a healthy one to stay in (since a manager may be swayed by her own interests, even just unconsciously).
In your case, where the boss/mentor is two levels up, your employee may want to ask for advice about you in ways that can be very tricky for both managers to navigate. It can also lead to her circumventing your authority in ways that normally wouldn’t happen.
Now, maybe your boss doesn’t mean “formal mentor.” Maybe she means she’s investing in your employee’s development because she’s talented and the two of them have good rapport. That’s fine! But without a better understanding of exactly what she means, I can see why the framing makes you uneasy.
2. We’re only allowed to wear a single, company-provided mask
I am currently working from home. We have been told that when we go back to the office, (1) masks will be required and (2) the only mask allowed will be the company-provided mask.
I fully support the masking policy, of course. But we are a company with a dress code, not a uniform, so I find this pseudo-uniform requirement kind of weird. I have a handful of masks so I don’t have to wash them every day (as they get gross after hours of wear). Now I will have to wash a mask every night, which is annoying at best. I’m also waiting for the day masks get mixed up, further spreading germs (I have already figured out how to mark mine). I would understand if HR banned masks with words or political statements or some other narrow categories, but the explanation I was given of “so we all look the same” feels like bad policy.
I will follow the rules but I’m wondering if I’m right to be kind of annoyed by this.
Yes. Masks are supposed to be worn once and then washed (they can spread the virus otherwise, rather than containing it), so it’s ridiculous to give you a single mask and expect you to wear it every day. Plus, different people find different types of masks more comfortable; it’s unlikely that every person in your company will find this specific model the most comfortable for themselves.
I’d address it from the washing angle, though. You could say, “The CDC says masks need to be washed after each use in order to be effective; otherwise they can spread germs rather than preventing them. If the company doesn’t plan to supply everyone with a week’s worth, we’ll need to supplement them with our own masks in order to use them safely.”
3. Holding doors for coworkers during COVID-19
What is the etiquette for holding the door for coworkers in COVID times? In normal times I will hold open the door for the next person if they’re nearby, and I will graciously go through if someone else holds it (assuming they’re at an angle where I can actually get by). Lately I haven’t been holding open the door (though I may push it wide if that will mean they can catch it before it is close to slamming), but some people have been holding it open for me. Is it rude to wait for them to stop holding it since it is physically impossible to go through the door without being close to them?
Potentially relevant info: I’m male and make my decision to hold it open based on how practical it is for the other person to get through, regardless of perceived gender. Also, I work at an essential employer as an employee who physically cannot work from home, though my employer is very careful (gave us masks to use on campus, is preparing to test every single employee for COVID-19, switched to a team A/B schedule, etc.) and our county only has had a dozen confirmed cases, with testing capacity increasing constantly.
You can’t physically distance yourself if you’re holding a door for someone, so I would stop doing it for now. If you feel weird about that, you can always explain why you’re not (“I feel rude not holding the door, but I want to leave you some space”).
If someone holds the door for you, you can pause at least six feet away and say, “Oh, thank you! But I’ll let you go through first so we stay distanced.”
4. Calling out bigoted conversations as a volunteer
There’s been greater discussion at my work about resources and training on handling divisive conversation and microaggressions within the company, as well as a general push to be more open about what we hear, see, or experience. But I’ve been bothered for some time by a conversation I heard while volunteering at a workplace in the past year.
The conversation was between another volunteer (from a different volunteer group than me, who I knew in passing) and an employee. We were in an open office, though they were in a separate work area, maybe 20-25 feet away. The volunteer was wondering aloud in a can-you-believe-it way why someone got angry at them for asking about a trans person’s surgery, because it (paraphrased) “wasn’t a secret or anything.” The employee seemed to just be nodding it along. It was maybe five or six sentences exchanged total.
I felt very taken aback and angry hearing it, but I also tend to just mentally freeze or shut down in situations I find emotionally charged (I am working on this). The only saving grace of freezing was realizing that nothing I was prompted to say in the moment was appropriate, helpful, or — frankly — coherent.
Since then, I’ve been trying to rehearse ways to approach similar scenarios. But a lot of scripts focus on approaching peers or coworkers, and I still feel stymied thinking back on this because: I was a volunteer in someone else’s workplace, not an employee; the employee was letting it pass; and the conversation wasn’t directly next to me. Was there a good way to say something in the moment, or to approach the other volunteer, or anything else? Or is this an overreach?
Actually, being a volunteer gives you plenty of standing to say something! You’re there volunteering your time to help for free, and they presumably care about you returning. But you don’t really need “standing” to speak up on this kind of thing anyway — you get to say something regardless.
In this specific case, it might make sense to go with something like, “I couldn’t help but overhear you. I don’t think you’d want to unintentionally be rude, so I wanted to let you know that asking about a trans person’s surgery is considered rude and a violation regardless of how open they are about their transition.” (You could also use this if you approached the person later rather than in the moment.) But even just a “whoa, that’s not cool” can be enough to call out the issue and make it clear that their views aren’t as broadly acceptable as they seem to think.
5. Should I tell my manager about a bad online review about them?
I work for a large franchise, and I recently came across a negative review of the manager at our location, who is my boss. The review is not wrong about the manager’s behavior, such as being patronizing toward employees. I would like to think that if our manager knew about this review, it could lead to some self-reflection and improvement. Then again, an equally likely reaction might be to get defensive. Either way, if I read this review and it was about me, I would find it very hurtful so I don’t know what would be the best way to gently bring it to their attention. Or is it none of my business? I would think that the franchise would be monitoring these reviews and pass the feedback along, but judging by recent remarks directed from the manager to customers, that seems unlikely.
It’s currently the top/featured review on the website for our franchise, and it does single out our location so there is no question who it’s about.
Nah, it’s not yours to address. An exception could be if you’re this person’s second-in-command or in a similar role where you help manage the staff and you have a strong rapport with them and they’ve shown a willingness to self-reflect and admit mistakes in the past. But if that were the case, you wouldn’t need an online review to broach the conversation; you’d be able to bring your concerns up on your own.
It sounds like the review is accurate. If it’s something warning prospective employees about the manager (like Glassdoor), that’s a good thing.
my boss is mentoring my employee, holding doors for coworkers, and more was originally published by Alison Green on Ask a Manager.
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