It’s five answers to five questions. Here we go…
1. Should I take my (expert) mom to work?
I am a first-time duty manager in my mid 20s, one year into my job at a small museum, with everyone at my level at least 10 years my senior, and most of my staff 10-20 years older too. As part of my side duties as a manager, I’ve taken up the position of Health and Safety Officer to represent on behalf of staff to senior management. This has meant a lot of work during the shutdown, including re-designing the layout of exhibits and introducing new ticket times to cap our capacity, as well as installing shielding, sourcing PPE, and devising back-to-work safety training for our staff.
My mother is a medical expert, part of the COVID emergency advisory council to our government. She has offered to come in on her day off to do a safety walk-through of our exhibition, to provide an expert voice on re-opening procedures. I’ve been lucky to have her advice regarding my work leading up to re-opening, but obviously she hasn’t seen the space or the set-up and it would be really beneficial to have her cast an eye. She thinks it would go a long way to instill confidence in our staff, but I am worried about extending her offer to our CEO, as it might look unprofessional to be following my mom around the place!
We’re a close-knit team, and most staff regularly have their spouses/children come in for a visit and tour the museum, but I expect it might feel different to have “the boss” bring her mother to work. Do you think I’m overreacting to turn down her help, or would it “baby” me a little to my coworkers?
This isn’t like bringing in your mom to check over your Excel calculations or something else you or someone in your office should be able to do! Your mom has very specific, impressive credentials in an area that most people don’t, and I suspect your coworkers would appreciate having this type of expert assess the office right now.
That said, when you’re young and managing people older than you, I understand why you’re concerned about doing anything that would make you seem like less than a full-fledged adult or like someone who brings a parent in to help with work! But I do think that given the situation and her credentials, this is an exception. Just make sure that you keep things professional when she’s there — introduce her as “Lucinda Mulberry, a COVID advisor to the government,” not “my mom” (you can still acknowledge she’s your mom, just don’t lead with it), don’t fall into parent/child dynamics while she’s there, and basically treat her like you would any other colleague) and ask her to do the same.
But I think your coworkers will be grateful for the expert help.
2. Should my company have warned us about triggering content in a meeting?
Once a month, my company has meetings that the whole company is invited to. Some are meetings to update everyone on company strategy, and some are panel discussions on a variety of subjects (previous months have been about empathy training, career development, etc.).
Last month was mental health awareness month, and the most recent meeting was centered around mental health in the workplace. An outside speaker started the meeting and was speaking very openly about his personal experience with mental illness and his own suicide attempt. While it was very brave for him to be so open with us, it was actually quite triggering to me, having experienced my own mental health struggles in the past. I would have appreciated a content warning before the meeting started in order to assess my own mental well-being and decide if it was a good idea to attend this meeting. I looked back in all the communications advertising the meeting, and there was no mention that potentially distressing things may be discussed. Am I wrong in thinking that should have been communicated ahead of time by the meeting organizer? And should I say something to the meeting organizer or just let it go?
Yeah, ideally they should have let people know ahead of time that the topic was mental health and would include discussion of suicide. You can’t always know ahead of time what might be triggering to people, but suicide is a pretty common one — and isn’t a topic someone would otherwise figure they should expect at a work meeting. I don’t think it’s outrageous that they didn’t realize that, but it would be helpful for you to say something that nudges them to think about content warnings in the future. It doesn’t have to be framed as trigger warnings specifically — it could just be about letting people know what to expect in these meetings, since some of them are on fairly personal topics.
You could frame it as, “Mental health and suicide can be difficult topics for a lot of people, whether because of their own experiences or experiences with loved ones. Would you consider announcing ahead of time when meetings will be focused around potentially difficult or sensitive topics so people aren’t surprised and can decide whether to opt out?”
3. My company is making everyone re-interview for their jobs
My employer is reopening in July with a new manager and assistant manager. The new manager told an employee that they will have an open interview day and all the former employees can come to that to see about getting our jobs back. Is this legal?
Yes, it’s legal. It’s crappy, but it’s legal.
To be clear, I’m not saying it’s crappy for employers to decide they don’t want to bring everyone back — it’s their prerogative to decide some people won’t be returning. But if that’s the case, they should decide that and let each person know their status. Making everyone interview for their position again — in the middle of a situation that’s already highly stressful and upsetting — is a jerk move, and it pretty much guarantees people won’t feel any loyalty to this company.
4. Can I give myself a better title on my resume?
I was laid off from the mobile app start-up where I worked in March. It’s been tough particularly because the job was not only challenging but gave me the opportunity to take on projects that I never expected. I was hired as the social media manager but anyone who has worked for a start-ups knows that you end up wearing many different hats. The work was actually in line with that of a brand manager since it extended far beyond social media. I had planned to ask my boss for a title change during my one-year evaluation but unfortunately I was laid off after only being there eight months.
The brand manager title in my area means more money and career opportunity. Since the duties I performed were in line with that of a brand manager, I thought it made sense for my resume and LinkedIn profile to accurately display what I believed my job to be. My former boss was always very supportive of me and the rest of the marketing team. When I was laid off, she had said she’d help with references, etc. I discussed changing my title with her — I wanted to be honest so she wasn’t caught off guard (another team member who was laid off with me did the same). She agreed that I was doing the work of a brand manager and understood why I wanted to change it. She said it was fine if I called myself that but if anyone called her she wouldn’t lie. I’m not lying about the work that I did, I just want my title to accurately reflect my job so that I can compete for better paid opportunities. Is it wrong to be annoyed that my former boss is being inflexible about this? Or is it a bad idea for me to change my title?
It’s a bad idea. You can’t just decide on your own to change your title and you shouldn’t be annoyed that your boss won’t lie about it — and it will look really bad to reference-checkers if you give yourself a higher-level title that your employer says you didn’t have.
I do get that you want the title to accurately reflect the work you did. But you can’t lie about the title. If you performed the responsibilities of a brand manager, you can make that clear with the accomplishments that you list. You can even have one of your bullet points for that job say something like, “Responsible for brand management, including X, Y, and Z.”
In cases where your title is something confusing or misleading, it’s okay to give a more accurate title in parentheses (next to the official title) for the purpose of clarity. But in your case it’s more about wanting a higher-level, broader title than the one your company gave you. You’d be sort of … promoting yourself on your resume. You really can’t do that.
5. Do I need exact dates for my resume?
Now that lockdown is being reduced, I am dusting off my resume. With two of my previous jobs, although I remember the month I started, I don’t know the day. I don’t think my employers remember either because originally I was just helping out when they were short-staffed and I was asked to help out on other occasions and ended up as a zero-hours contract employee. Would employers accept if I just put the month and year I started and ended those jobs rather than the actual date?
Just the month and year are fine. No one cares about the exact day of the month you started! In fact, even if you knew the exact date, it doesn’t belong on your resume. Just the month and year.
Separate from your resume, some applications will ask for exact dates — but it’s fine to just put the first of the month or the 15th or so forth. Employers just want to know the basic timeframe, which the month and year provide.
should I bring my (expert) mom to work, we have to re-interview for our jobs, and more was originally published by Alison Green on Ask a Manager.
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