It’s five answers to five questions. Here we go…
1. My coworker won’t stop talking about the bible and the end times
I have a coworker, Loretta, who is an older and very religious woman. I only know this because she talks about church and uses what I consider “religious language” in her speech. She often says things like “praise the lord” and “his will” and such. I’m an atheist and our company has nothing to do with religion, but Loretta’s comments have never bothered me. I know she talks like that because it’s what she believes, and she’s not hurting anyone (plus I live in a religious region and am one of the few people who is not religious, so I imagine others feel similarly to her).
That said, over the past couple of months, Loretta has continuously talked about the “end times” and “what the bible says about this.” This is due to everything that’s happening in the world, including the coronavirus, the racial injustices that are being exposed, police brutality, etc. Loretta swears that this was all prophesied in Revelation, and that it “won’t be long now before we go home.”
I…have gotten to the point where I’m very uncomfortable with her comments. Obviously there are a lot of tragedies happening right now, but I don’t believe it has anything to do with any religious prophecies or the end of the world. I’m definitely in the minority here, as my coworkers seem to mostly agree with Loretta (although none of them are nearly as vocal about it).
The last thing I want to do is get into a religious argument with Loretta. I have never told her that I’m an atheist (because I didn’t feel like I needed to), so she often talks to me like I’m just as religious as she is. Is there a way I can ask her to tone down all the mumbo jumbo about the “end times” when she’s around me? Or is that crossing a line? Or should I just suck it up because she really isn’t hurting anyone?
It’s not crossing a line. In fact, Loretta is the one crossing a line by pushing this level of religious talk on a captive audience at work. And really, there’s a difference between someone saying “praise the lord” (which is their own expression of religious beliefs) versus urging religious prophecies on you (which asks for some sort of conversational engagement from you).
The next time Loretta talks about end times, you could say, “I’m not one for religious talk at work — thanks for understanding!” or “You couldn’t have known, but I try not to discuss religion with coworkers — thanks for understanding.” Say it warmly and/or matter-of-factly (two highly effective tones for delivering slightly uncomfortable messages), and then follow it up with an immediate subject change.
You don’t need to declare your atheism if you don’t want to (although you can if you want). And keep in mind that lots of people who aren’t atheists would feel the same way you do … and for all Loretta knows, you might consider your spiritual beliefs so deeply personal that you don’t want to casually chat about them at work.
2. Is it ever okay to lose it with an annoying coworker?
Some years when I was a contractor on a several-month assignment, one of the client company’s direct employees was engaging in some extremely irrational, exasperating behavior. I was having to use a great deal of will power not to start shouting at her. If I had, I suspect the onus would have been on me for losing it, not on her for provoking me, even if we had had the same amount of capital. Is it ever okay to lose it with an annoying peer?
Nope. You’re expected to exert some control over your emotions when you’re at work, and losing it and yelling at someone — no matter how annoying they’re being — isn’t okay, and will overshadow whatever annoying thing they were doing (unless they’re, like, physically assaulting you or setting the room on fire, both of which are well beyond the “annoying” category).
If someone is testing your patience to the point that you’re genuinely worried you might lose it, excuse yourself from the situation before that happens.
3. How do I decline a promotion because I’d be managing someone I’m dating?
I have been romantically involved with Fergus, my peer who does the same job on a different team within our section. We keep our personal lives away from work and, as far as I know, no one knows. However, the leadership position on Fergus’ team is likely to open soon due to some very unexpected events, and I am likely to be asked to take it and would then be Fergus’ direct supervisor and responsible for his performance evaluations.
These leadership promotions are internal decisions that often occur without application by the promotee. They are also not an opportunity that comes along often.
I do not see a way to accept the position ethically (asking for Fergus to be moved off of that team is not an option). However, I am also concerned about the optics of declining the position, or if I could even do so without getting into my personal life. I am concerned that I will appear uninterested in professional growth or timid about accepting more responsibility (not true!)
I am hoping there is a graceful way to handle this while minimizing the negative impact on my career. When things began between me and Fergus, the possibility of this situation was vanishingly small. It has been a very unusual sequence of events that pushed me into a promotion fast track I had not planned on.
Have a discreet conversation with your manager and explain the situation. Say you’d normally hope to be considered for the promotion, but in this case it’s not possible because of your relationship with someone on the team. You can say you don’t want to be presumptuous by assuming you’d be the pick, but you also want to avoid the awkwardness of explaining this if it turns out you are. She’ll either be able to handle it herself from there or tell you how to. (Alternately, if you have a decent rapport with whoever is heading up the selection process, you could speak with them instead.)
I know you’d rather not have to disclose the relationship at all, but it sounds like now the situation is such that you can’t really avoid it. The other option would be waiting until someone is selected and then turning it down if it’s you — but that’s likely to make it a bigger deal than if you take yourself out of consideration earlier on.
4. Emailing on the weekend when you don’t expect a response before Monday
I’m wondering if there’s a good way to signal that you don’t expect a response to a communication on the weekend when you’re communicating with your boss. For example, I’m a teacher, and as I write this email, it’s a Sunday and I’m working on entering grades for summer school. Attendance and enrollment have been inconsistent (because it’s summer school and it’s remote), so I need to communicate with my principal to verify who is supposed to be enrolled and who is not. She has a young child and has previously indicated that she wants boundaries around working/not working time to be respected, but she also set today as an explicit deadline for grades for the week to be entered.
I typed an email. Then I added a statement saying, “Don’t worry about responding today; it’s not urgent.” Then I wondered if that sounded like I was giving her directions on how to use her time (obviously not my business). I took a couple more passes but kept not being satisfied that the tone and message were appropriate. Am I overthinking this? Is there good language to use? Should I just send it and not worry about it, or else save it as a draft and send it in the morning?
To some extent, it depends on your office culture; in some cultures, it would go without saying that of course you didn’t expect a response until your recipient was back at work. In others, it wouldn’t.
If you want to make sure it’s clear, you can open your email with, “For whenever you have time” or “For when you’re back at work” or “No need to answer over the weekend” or “For Monday…” Or in your specific case, if you need an answer from your boss before you can complete work that she asked to have submitted today, you can be explicit about that — like, “Normally I wouldn’t email over the weekend, but I know you wanted grades submitted today. I have everything taken care of except X, which I need Y from you on first.”
5. New job wants us to pay for COVID-19 test to be hired
My husband has been interviewing at a company and is at the final stages of the hiring process. The job involves working with seniors and the company is requiring everyone to have Covid-19 tests. The hiring manager has been getting the test every few weeks just to be sure that, along with standard precautions, he is creating the safest environment possible.
While my husband is happy that the company is taking this crisis seriously, it is assumed that we will pay for the Covid-19 test to be eligible for hire. The hiring manager said, “Your insurance will pay for it, no problem.” But it appears that our insurance will only cover tests for symptomatic patients, not for patients returning to work.
I am hoping that this will go in a different direction once he talks to someone in HR, but if the company really does assume he should pay for the Covid-19 tests himself, how should he move forward? Get the tests and ask if the company will pay for it if insurance does not cover the expense? Tell the company that they need to pay for it up front and risk not getting the job? Fake a cough to get our GP to order a test?
Normally, I’d say to walk away because the company must be shady, but I really believe that this is a smaller company that simply hasn’t had the time to catch-up with the crisis and how it impacts hiring. Normally, the company is a pillar in the community, but they seem frazzled by needing to operate during the crisis
Legally, employers need to pay the costs of medical tests that they require, and this legal interpretation says COVID-19 shouldn’t be any different. Your husband should say, “It turns out my insurance won’t cover the cost of the test unless I have symptoms, and it will cost $X. Since the law says employers should pay for any medical tests they require employees to get, how would you like me to proceed as far as covering the payment?”
coworker won’t stop talking about the end times, is it ever OK to lose it on a colleague, and more was originally published by Alison Green on Ask a Manager.
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