It’s five answers to five questions. Here we go…
1. Can I send an anonymous note to my wife’s job about her awful manager?
My wife’s boss has moved on to a new role, and instead of the boss being replaced, everyone on my wife’s level now reports to the manager who her boss reported to. The reason the boss moved on was because the manager had unrealistic expectations in terms of what needed to be done and when (like sending emails at 4:30 in the morning asking for deliverables at 8 am).
Now this manager is expecting the same things of my wife. Even as I write this at midnight, she has gone back to update some work because at 4 pm, the manager asked my wife to complete a piece of work, she finished it at 7 pm, and logged off and went downstairs. Then when went upstairs at 11 to go to bed, she checked her email and her manager had said it wasn’t what she had asked for and wanted it changed by 9 am (I’ve told my wife to not check her emails but this is a battle I don’t win).
My wife defines herself by who she is at work and is tremendously good at her job (she has received the highest performance ranking for the past seven years straight) and will not rock the boat. She also is dealing with mental health issues and I don’t think this scenario is helping at all. She loves the other people she works with and most other aspects of the job, so isn’t thinking about getting a new role.
She would kill me if I fought her battles, so I can’t do anything in the open but I’ve been thinking about sending an anonymous email to the manager’s superiors explaining what a piece of work she is, and how she’s effectively bullying by setting unrealistic expectations (but I expect this to be fruitless, as I would think they would ignore such baseless, anonymous claims). Is there anything else I could do for my wife in this situation?
Do not under any circumstances send an anonymous note to your wife’s employer. That’s hugely overstepping — your wife is an adult who is entitled to manage her own career, and if she chooses not to speak up about this situation, you cannot overrule her and go around her to speak up about it yourself. What’s more, it could have consequences for her that you don’t foresee, like if her employer suspects someone connected to her sent the note (or even thinks she did it) and she suffers professionally for it. (But otherwise, you’re right that it probably wouldn’t matter; anonymous notes are far more likely to stir up drama than they are to have real impact.) Truly, don’t do this.
What you can do is be a supportive partner! Help her evaluate her options, support her emotionally, and reinforce for her that this isn’t reasonable or sustainable (for either of you, probably). But respect for your wife demands that you keep a firewall between yourself and her employer.
2. Internships and equity
A colleague who works for my organization in another location just called me. She was wondering if she could put me in touch with her daughter who is looking for an unpaid internship. (The daughter would get college credit through her school.)
I have mixed feelings about this and am not sure what to do. I think I am willing to take on an intern and like the idea of mentoring someone who is interested in my field. I also have some appropriate projects in mind that would be good learning experiences for an intern. I am struggling with all the questions of equity that arise around situations like this. By agreeing to this internship, I would be participating in perpetuating systems of privilege and power. The internship would be taking place through family connections, and apparently the intern can afford to work without getting paid. That rubs me the wrong way from an ethical perspective; I want internships to be available to all — especially those without family connections and money and those who come from under-represented backgrounds. (All of us in this scenario are white.) On the other hand, I don’t have the budget to pay an intern and I don’t have the time to set up an organized internship with a fair application process. I could only pull this off as a one-time, ad-hoc deal. I’m not sure what to do — my options are to agree to this, which would help one privileged intern, or not do it, which would help nobody. What are your thoughts?
I vote no. You’re right that unpaid internships — and internships that are only available to those with connections, whether paid or unpaid — perpetuate inequalities. (Unpaid ones also take a huge amount of time if you’re doing it legally, since unless you’re at a nonprofit, you can’t derive much real benefit from an unpaid intern’s work.)
It’s reasonable to tell your colleague that you don’t have the time you’d need to invest to do it legally, or that you don’t feel you could offer it to one person without opening up a broader application process.
3. Am I wrong for rejecting a candidate because of their email address?
I am currently hiring for a new position and have received a high number of resumes. It’s entry level, so I’m aware that we can’t be too picky about finding the perfect candidate for the pay. However, we had one candidate who possessed some of the basic skills we are looking for, but her email address was ridiculous (think sexibunny69@hotmail.com). I told my director that I wasn’t interested based on that — it shows poor decision-making abilities to me. It isn’t difficult to sign up for a free email address. He laughed but said that while it was my decision, it was also a high hill to die on. So, am I being petty to expect an adult (in her 50’s, based on her school years) to make a professional, standard email account, even for the sole purpose of landing a job?
Noooo, you are not being petty or unreasonable! This person has terrible judgment, and your director is strange if he really thinks “have an email address that doesn’t reference sex when applying for jobs” is a high bar.
4. Charging for hours spent learning or fixing mistakes
For the past 20 years, I’ve been the kind of teacher who happily spends thousands of dollars out of pocket and thousands of unpaid hours working. Thanks to you, and the teacher version of you, I’ve been slowing that down. I actually approached my principal and told him he should hire me over the summer to roll out a new computer program for the school and I was approved for a certain number of hours of paid work!
I have a question about how something would work in the business world. I spent about four hours watching training videos about the new program. I spent about three hours trying to solve a problem (eventually learning it was because I spelled a word wrong on one of the many, many CSV files I uploaded). Do those kinds of situations count as hours that should be charged to an employer? (For context, I am pretty sure that my employer will approve me to work more until the job is finished.) If it was framed as something like, “It should be a 20-hour job” and I spent seven hours not making progress, and the job can’t be finished in 13 hours, what does a regular kind of worker do?
If you were an employee being paid by the hour, legally you’d need to be paid for all of that time — those were activities that you were doing for work and which you wouldn’t have been doing otherwise. But you’d also be expected to flag for your boss early on that the project was taking a lot longer than you originally estimated, so your boss could weigh in about how to proceed — like whether to proceed anyway, or someone else help troubleshoot, or change your approach, or abandon it entirely.
In practice, people in your shoes will sometimes decide that it’s in their best interest to fudge that a bit, like not logging the full amount of time spent on the training videos or the error-fixing (figuring that ultimately the pay is less important to them than being seen as able to deliver in the original amount of time, or sometimes feeling uncomfortable charging for hours that were a result of their mistake). But legally, it should all be reported — and decent managers know that making some mistakes and tracking them down is a normal part of work, especially when taking on something new.
5. How wary should I be of a job that was re-opened after only nine months?
I work in a fairly niche field that, due to the pandemic, has suddenly become very in demand (moving in-person instruction to online). I’ve been considering new opportunities for some time. My work environment is amazing, my salary is nice (but could be higher), and my benefits are wonderful (for example, six weeks of vacation). However, there really isn’t any room for advancement, which is why I’m considering other options.
I came across a job that I think I would be perfect for. Everything they say they want are areas I am very strong in, except one which I still have experience with but am not a rock star in at the moment.
I looked up the previous person to have this role, and it looks like she only started the job nine months ago. Plus, she has significantly more experience and credentials than I do.
I am worried about a job with such high turnover (it looks like this person originated the position, so I can’t look up previous people who have had the role). Also, given how incredible the previous candidate was, if even she didn’t meet the requirements, I don’t want to set myself up for a work situation with impossible standards.
One person leaving after nine months isn’t high turnover; it takes more than that for a pattern you can draw any conclusions from. Someone might leave after nine months for all sorts of reasons — they got a better offer, decided to move, had a family health crisis, can’t stand the commute, were fired for making meth in the break room, etc. Or, yes, there could be a problem with the work situation. But the mere fact that she’s leaving after nine months doesn’t really tell you anything.
Apply, and if you end up getting interviewed, ask why the previous person is leaving and see what they say. Do your due diligence, as you should with any job. But this in and of itself is not a huge red flag. (It could become redder, though, if you start to see other things that do form a pattern, like if you start getting a vibe about unrealistic expectations.)
sending an anonymous note to my wife’s employer, internships and equity, and more was originally published by Alison Green on Ask a Manager.
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