It’s five answers to five questions. Here we go…
1. Should I talk to my managers before I ask out a coworker?
I’ve recently been working in person with a colleague again after a long period of only having phone and video interactions while we were working from home due to Covid.
I’ve always found her attractive and we’ve always got on well at work. Seeing her in person again made me realize I’d missed her quite a bit. I’d avoided asking her out previously, as during her first few months I was trying to show her the job and support her as our line manager was off sick for a long period.
We work within a small team of five within a larger service and although I’ve been there a year longer so am further up on pay scale we are in the same position job wise so neither of us manages the other. Our staff handbook says that the charity we work for respects interpersonal relationships but that they can be a matter for disciplinary action if they interfere with business.
Given that our staff handbook doesn’t ban relationships, I was considering asking her out. What I’m a bit stuck on is whether I should speak to my team lead (my direct line manager) or my head of service (my overall boss) regarding this first?
Don’t speak to your managers about this. You don’t even know if your coworker is interested, and it risks creeping her out if she hears about you talked to your managers about asking her out. And even if she says yes and you end up in a relationship, you still don’t need to run it by anyone. Your organization doesn’t prohibit dating among peers; you’re fine in that regard as long as you stay out of each other’s chain of command.
The bigger issue is that you shouldn’t ask out someone at work just because you like them. You need to first see active signs that they return that interest. Most people are at work to work and aren’t necessarily open to dating colleagues. Women in particular (who as a group deal with far more unwanted overtures than men do) generally want to be able to do their jobs without feeling like their coworkers are assessing them as potential dates and putting moves on them. They may not want to deal with the potential awkwardness of rejecting a coworker (and the potential ramifications of that for the professional relationship — because even if you know you’ll be cool about it, they don’t know that).
If you’re not sure, you can make a few warm, friendly overtures to try to get to know her better, and pay attention to see if they’re reciprocated. If they are, you can ask her to hang out outside of work sometime. But that part about reciprocation and paying attention to her cues really matters. If you don’t see those things, you shouldn’t move forward, since you have an obligation not to make work weird for her.
2. Should new grads forego the bad job market by doing service fellowships?
My question is about the perceived and real value of experience gained through Americorps fellowships and similar postgraduate opportunities — and, especially, the relative value of such an experience given the state of the job market at present.
Like many of my fellow 2020 graduates, I’m looking for work connected to my field of study/interest and hearing nothing but crickets. I’ve had a great job this summer as a research assistant (social sciences) doing work connected to my academic interests, but it’s a grant-funded temporary position and time’s almost up. I’ve only been applying to other positions for about a month, but I’m already beginning to wonder if my perception of my chances at this time is wishful thinking and it’s time to begin considering other options. One such option has just presented itself in the form of an email from a former internship supervisor, letting me know the organization has an Americorps service fellow position opening up for the next 10 months and thought of me. Sounds great, but here’s the rub: these fellowships pay a “living stipend” of ~$12,000/year. I’ve been able to establish pretty decent savings through part-time and summer jobs over the past seven years and don’t have student debt, so I’m blessed with a certain degree of flexibility, but that stipend would still mean living with my parents for the next calendar year, plus doing work that’s not quite the field/focus I had in mind for between now and grad school, and which feels like something of a lateral move. I don’t truly want to apply, but I also realize that I very well may not find my way into anything better anytime soon.
So, considering the state of hiring right now, should recent graduates consider very low-paying service and experience-building opportunities like these when we would not have done so otherwise? Are these experiences valued outside the nonprofit sector? Am I being incredibly naive if I try to hold out for a salaried job in my field of interest in the next few months?
Americorps and similar programs can indeed give you useful experience and help your resume and they’re generally valued as real work experiences, so you shouldn’t have worries on that front. But if you don’t want to do them, they can be tremendously frustrating — particularly because of the low pay (which is close to no pay), but also because the way the programs are set up can be more challenging if you don’t buy into the ethos in the first place. Also, the quality of your placement can really vary … although in your case, already knowing the organization and the people working there gives you a big advantage in assessing how much you’d be able to get what you want out of it.
Whether you’re being naive in trying to hold out for other options … it’s impossible to say from here. On one hand, you can’t draw any conclusions after only a month of looking, especially right now and especially as a recent grad. On the other hand, the job market is bad and you’re competing with people with more experience. I don’t think you should apply for something you actively don’t want to do unless it’s truly your only option … but of course that’s the whole problem, that there’s no way to know yet if it’s your only option. I wouldn’t decide it is after only one month of looking, though.
3. Is this company offering me a job or just being confusing?
I just went to an interview for a part-time job. I’m confused because near the end, they kept saying things like “you’ll have to let me know what you think” and “you’ll have to let me know what you want to do.” I wasn’t sure if they were offering me the job, so I asked if they were doing more interviews, and they said they already had one no-show and had more scheduled but didn’t know if they’d show up.
So do I follow up in a few days? If I want the job, what do I say? I feel really awkward about this since I don’t know if I’m misinterpreting what’s going on. I’d feel better if they just sent me an email offering me the job.
I’d follow up right now — don’t wait a few days — because it does sound like they might be saying the job is yours if you decide you want it. But … do you want it? Don’t fall into the common job seeker trap of thinking that your goal is to get this particular job offer; your goal is to learn enough about the job, the manager, and the company to decide if you want the job at all. The answer here might be yes! But make sure you’re factoring in whatever you’ve learned about their communication style (unclear?) and overall organization (not terribly rigorous?).
If you do want the job, contact them right away and say, “I really enjoyed meeting with you and am excited to talk further about the job! I’d love to move forward with next steps at whatever point you’re ready.” However, have they named a pay rate yet? If they just start talking about start dates next, you’d need to say, “Before I can formally accept, can you let me know about the pay you’re offering, as well as any benefits?” (Leave off the benefits part if this is clearly a job without them.)
4. Should I give advice to internship applicants about professional norms?
I work at a mid-sized nonprofit with a great community reputation. Because of this, we get a lot of internship requests from local college students. While I am not in a supervisory role for our interns, I am the first point of contact for any interested applicant. My responsibilities in this area are administrative — passing along resumes to the correct supervisors, completing orientation paperwork before interns begin, etc. I do not have a say in the interview or selection process.
This is my second year in this role and I have noticed an alarmingly high number of students who are ignoring what I believe to be basic norms when contacting organizations for jobs or internships. I’ve received multiple emails requesting a response ASAP, students becoming rude when I inform them that positions have already been filled (information that is also noted on our website), and many poorly organized resumes.
I respond to every person who reaches out, either to confirm that I passed along their resume to the internship supervisor or reiterating the information posted on our website confirming that we do not have positions available at this time. Would I be within bounds to offer further feedback to these students? I am only three years out of college myself, and again, am not a decision maker when it comes to who is receiving internships. I don’t want to pass up an opportunity to be helpful in what I know to be a stressful process, but I also don’t know how much weight my feedback would carry.
When I first started hiring, I passed along this kind of feedback to people, but I mostly don’t do it anymore. It’s just not a good use of your time. In any given hiring round, there will always be a huge amount of feedback you could offer to applicants if you wanted to. But it’s not what you’ve been hired to do.
That doesn’t mean that it’s never worth doing, but I wouldn’t start doing it as your default — especially as someone who’s not involved in selecting candidates for interviews. Plus, even if you think you’d be providing this feedback as you, you’d actually be representing your organization while doing it — and your organization probably doesn’t want someone who’s not making hiring decisions sending applicants opinions on how well their resumes are organized.
That said, if someone is rude or pushy, you can absolutely respond to that. I just wouldn’t go beyond that to general resume or job search tips.
5. T-style cover letters
I am teaching a class that I was given last minute, and one of the things in the class that I’m teaching is how to write a cover letter. I love your blog and trust your advice. I actually refer my students here for guidance in all things concerning cover letters or resumes, which is why I decided to ask you this question.
I was given a format to teach called a T Cover Letter. It seems simple enough. List out what the would-be employer wants next to your qualifications to highlight how well you fit their position’s needs. However, the more I look at this format and the more I see my students use this format, the more I dislike it. It seems too heavy handed and blatant to me while not being enough of a formal, professional letter.
Am I being too old fashioned and rigid? How do hiring managers and recruiters view a T-style cover letter when they receive one? How would you view one?
Yeah, this advice has been floating around for a while. Please don’t teach it! It misses the point of a cover letter. A cover letter should add additional info that’s not on the resume, and it should show how the candidate communicates. Using a chart comes across as a bit unsophisticated. (Plus, I’m going to see what your qualifications are when I read your resume! I don’t need a second page where they’ve been arranged on a chart. I know the idea is to make it super easy for the reader to match qualifications with job requirements, but it’s just not necessary.)
That said, there are hiring managers who like that format, or don’t mind it. But it’s inherently limiting, and I think it’s a disservice to recommend it to your students!
asking out a coworker, the value of service fellowships, and more was originally published by Alison Green on Ask a Manager.
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