It’s five answers to five questions. Here we go…
1. My coworker got angry at my minor prank
I am a man and I had a strange incident with a female coworker. We both have had a very playful, joking relationship. We constantly make jokes, playful insults, and talk about a variety of topics, especially when we are in our circle of friends.
One day at work, they were passing out “remain six feet apart” stickers to everyone. As a joke, I placed a strip of tape on one and gently placed it on my coworker’s back. The tape happened to stick pretty firmly after she turned around. Another coworker and a supervisor noticed and smiled. I left the room shorty after. A few minutes later, another coworker texted me and said she had blown up in anger. Using several choice words, she stated, “The next person who touches my body, I will report.”
I went to her later and apologized. I said I didn’t mean anything by it and it will not happen again. She said it was okay but was still very clearly upset. She continued to be in a bad mood the rest of the day and uncharacteristically walked a different way back to our cars than the rest of our group at the end of our day. How can I better handle this? Is this something I should bring to management’s attention?
Whoa, no, this is not something to report. It sounds like she’s fed up with people touching her, as she has a right to be. Apologizing and telling her clearly that you won’t do it again were the right things to do. (And to be clear, putting a sticker on the back of someone you’re friendly with isn’t a major offense! But it sounds like this might have been a last straw for her.)
But it’s worth reflecting on whether you might have unknowingly violated her boundaries in other ways in the past. You might think, “No, we have a fun, joking relationship!” … but it’s not at all uncommon for people to put up with behavior that makes them uncomfortable because they don’t want to cause tension with colleagues, even to the point that they’ll smile/laugh and seem to be enjoying themselves. I have no idea if that’s what’s happening here (maybe she was just in a bad mood that day, or maybe her ire was directed at someone else) but she’s given you a really clear indicator that something in your workplace is going too far for her. It’s worth taking a fresh look at how people’s boundaries are or aren’t being respected in this friend group. (Also, if you’re at all handsy in your joking relationship, assume you should cut that out immediately.)
2. Recruiters called me non-stop all day (and maybe they’re still calling)
I was contacted today by two recruiters working together about a job opening — one via email, the other via LinkedIn. I responded that I was interested and asked for more information since all they had told me was the job title.
Immediately I started getting phone calls from two numbers about every 30 minutes. I was in a seminar, so the calls went to voicemail, and then my phone would immediately start ringing with a call from the same number again. This continued through the afternoon, a couple times an hour. This is before I was even sent the job description. We had not discussed a phone call, and they never left a voicemail — just continuously called me while alternating numbers.
After a few missed calls, they sent me an email asking for a time to speak today. I responded that I wouldn’t be able to do a phone call today, and asked for the job description again. They sent me the job description and continued calling at the same frequency, still not leaving a voicemail.
Because I was in seminars all afternoon, I never picked up. I didn’t want to take time away from what I was doing to deal with these calls, and the lack of respect for my time demonstrated by the continuous calling made me feel like a quick “I have already told you now is not a good time” call back would not have been accepted.
Upon receiving the job description, I saw that I hardly met any qualifications, expressed my disinterest, and wished them luck in finding the right person. They read and responded to my message … and are still calling me. At this point I’ve blocked both numbers, because it is incredibly frustrating to be contacted like this, especially after clearly expressing that I was not free today (and later, not interested in the job). Is there anything else I could have done? I really need a job, so blocking recruiters or any potential connections feels especially drastic, but I wasn’t sure what else to do. The only other time I’ve been in this situation is after breaking up with an ex-boyfriend, and dealing with recruiters should not feel remotely similar!
What on earth? Some recruiters are indeed bizarrely aggressive, but this is nonsensical (and very rude) behavior.
Blocking them was the right move. You’d tried to communicate that you weren’t available and then you communicated that you weren’t interested, and they still kept blowing up your phone. Don’t worry about blocking recruiters like this; these aren’t recruiters you’d want representing you anyway!
3. Resumes without any dates for work history
I work in education and am in a coaching role that is seen as a stepping stone to management. I was looking over resumes for a couple of open positions a few weeks ago when I saw one resume that was organized in a way I had never seen before. This person had organized her resume by role, but without any dates attached to her previous work. The first job she had listed was with our organization, but with a department that has since undergone some major reorganization. In fact, the work she has done with us hasn’t been part of that department in 3-4 years.
It is a red flag in my industry to see people moving around between companies every year or two, and my concern with the organization of her resume was that she was trying to hide a work history like this. But is this actually a valid way to organize a resume? I don’t want to penalize someone unfairly, or to see red flags where none exist. We ended up not moving forward with this candidate because we had better options, but I anticipate being asked to participate in the hiring process more and more often as I move up in our organization. What do you think?
It’s a red flag. It usually indicates the person is trying to hide something — a spotty job history or a very old job history. And it of course makes it impossible to really evaluate the person’s candidacy, because you have no way of knowing if the work they listed was recent or 20 years ago, or if they performed a role for four years or four months, or if they’ve never kept a job for longer than a year.
If the person seemed to have impressive experience, I might write back and ask them to submit a resume with dates attached (“so that we’re clear on your work history”) or ask them to run through the chronology at the start of a phone interview, but if you have other strong candidates, it’s reasonable just move forward with them instead. This is someone who’s going out of their way not to include info that’s typical on a resume and which you need to evaluate their candidacy. (To be fair, some people do this because they got bad advice. But they’re still not giving you the info you need to assess their candidacy, and you don’t need to spend extra time tracking it down if you have other good candidates.)
4. Can an employer require you to buy a new work wardrobe?
I work in healthcare. While most people in my field do not wear scrubs, some do, though I believe they’re in the minority. Some of my coworkers have been wanting to wear scrubs for a while, but this request was denied, as some thought we would not look as professional and a literature review did not come up with anything to justify the switch from an infection control standpoint.
Enter COVID. Suddenly scrubs are approved. To be fair, we are given a choice between dress clothes (plus lab coat) or scrubs (plus lab coat). The catch: each of our locations has to pick one by consensus.
While I agree scrubs could be comfy and simple, I’ve been working in this career for a while and already have built up a work wardrobe. We’d be required to buy specific scrubs through our company, so I couldn’t search for deals elsewhere. Also, I don’t have my own washer/dryer, so this would involve spending more money on laundry each week (as I believe I’d have to wash them separately). Plus I’d need to buy tennis shoes (since I normally wear dress shoes to work). And either way I have to buy a lab coat. We were recently told we’d each get a stipend, but it would just cover one set of scrubs; I’d still be spending a couple hundred dollars, at least.
I’m not dirt poor, but I am frugal, and prefer to be in control of what I spend my money on. I also think this puts us in an awkward position of having to negotiate with our coworkers on a matter of personal finance. Isn’t it a bit tone deaf to potentially make staff buy a new work wardrobe in the midst of a global pandemic and nationwide recession? I tried asking our manager if we could decide on an individual basis but that didn’t go far, so it seems my only option is to try to convince my coworkers against scrubs — but they’re pretty interested in them. Is there anything else I can do?
Your employer does have the right to change its dress code, even if that means you need to shell out money for new work clothes. But have you been direct with your manager that it would represent a significant financial burden? She may not have considered that, and if you can estimate the amount of money you’d need to spend, that may drive the point home more. If that doesn’t sway her, are you comfortable sharing the same info with coworkers? If they’re essentially letting people vote on which way to go, those might be your only real options.
But if it goes forward, you could try asking that there be a longer transition period, that they provide a stipend to fund the change, or that people who find it a financial hardship be given exceptions.
5. How to follow up after a final interview
I have been through five rounds of interviews with a company, with a total of seven people. The fourth round was billed as the final round, and then two days later, I was contacted for an additional round.
Communication throughout the process has been inconsistent. After the first interview, I was scheduled for the second round after 10 days (pretty standard). After the second round, I heard nothing for three weeks, then had the final three interviews in the span of three weeks. Now it has been two weeks since my final interview and I have had complete radio silence.
You have tons of advice on the site about following up after an interview, but most of that advice seems like it is geared toward following up after a first round interview. Is there different advice for after a final interview that isn’t “let it go”? I know in my head that they are moving forward with another candidate, and I’m just waiting for a rejection at this point, but this seems like a really long time for radio silence after a final interview, even for a rejection. I’m okay getting ghosted after an application or a first round interview, but after five rounds? it is maddening.
Silence for two weeks after an interview isn’t particularly long! I wouldn’t conclude anything from that. (For that matter, the rest of the timeline doesn’t seem terribly off to me either.)
When you last spoke to them, did they indicate when they expected to next be in touch? I’d wait one week beyond that (because hiring always takes longer than the people involved think it will) and send one follow-up email, saying that you’re very interested in the role and wonder if they have an update on their timeline. After that, yes, you should mentally move on, assume you’re not getting it, and let it be a pleasant surprise if they do contact you. But it’s reasonable to send that one follow-up.
And if they didn’t indicate anything about their expected timeline and so you have nothing to peg your follow-up timing to, I’d pretend they told you 10 days or so and calculate based on that.
coworker got angry at my minor prank, recruiter called non-stop all day, and more was originally published by Alison Green on Ask a Manager.
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