It’s five answers to five questions. Here we go…
1. I don’t want to work at a Hogwarts event
I work in a public library, and every year we do a Hogwarts-related event. Since the author has revealed herself as a transphobic bigot, I am not comfortable participating this year, not least because I’m genderqueer (pronouns TBD, she/they is fine for now). However, since I’ve been an enthusiastic participant before, I’m anticipating some confusion and questions from my supervisor, manager, coworkers, and other fans of the series who have listened to me happily gush about it before.
This event is after normal working hours but requires staffing to get it to go smoothly, and they’re probably counting on me as a volunteer. (“Volunteer” meaning we get paid for the hours, but it’s not required that everyone be there.) I haven’t responded to the email asking for volunteers yet because I honestly don’t know what to say. This is in addition to anticipating the crowds of small children who will almost definitely not distance properly, but that’s honestly a whole other letter. I guess I’m looking for a script that doesn’t require me to out myself to my workplace, but also isn’t technically a lie. (I’m not swamped with other projects, for example.)
I’d just not respond to the call for volunteers and see what happens. If you’re then approached individually, you should be able to explain your discomfort with the author without outing yourself — lots of cis people are deeply disappointed and disturbed by her statements too. It wouldn’t be outing yourself to simply say, “I’ve enjoyed participating in the past but am not volunteering this year because of the bigoted statements the author has been making about trans people.” But if you don’t want to do that, you could instead just say “I won’t be available on the date of the event this year” (it’s after hours, after all).
2. Job candidates are sending me questions about global politics
I hope you can give me some advice about something I’ve seen recently from candidates/recent graduates who are job hunting.
I have a degree in International Relations, which is in no way related to the work I do now as a hiring manager, but it is still on my LinkedIn profile along with my work history from before I graduated. Recently candidates have reached out to me through LinkedIn, asking about available opportunities and including a paragraph at the bottom asking my opinion on a global political issue. To give an example, this morning I got a message asking me my opinions on the developing issues in Belarus, I’m assuming because they’ve either read my LinkedIn profile or are trying to make conversation. From what I read on their profile, there wasn’t an obvious reason why they chose to bring this up.
I find this strange coming from someone I’ve never spoken to and since it isn’t relevant to what they’re really asking for. Is this something candidates have been told to do to enhance their application? My initial reaction isn’t to completely discount someone just on this, but how should I respond?
That’s incredibly bizarre, and yes, it’s almost certainly stemming from advice to try to make a personal connection with the person they’re contacting or to express interest in some particular detail in their background. But it’s being horribly misapplied! You’re presumably not seeking to discuss global political issues with random strangers, or people who are using it as in for what they really want. This is an awful tactic — they’re asking you to invest your own time in writing out a response to a nuanced issue for no reason other than to advance their own potential candidacy.
As for how to respond, I’d just ignore that piece of the message. Frankly, you’re not obligated to respond to messages you receive on LinkedIn at all, but if you’d otherwise answer them, go ahead and answer and leave the comments about Belarus, etc. unremarked upon. (If that feels rude, I’d argue it’s ruder of them to expect a stranger to invest time engaging on an unrelated topic so they can advance their own job search, and that in some ways you’re being polite by just ignoring it, the way you’d ignore a fart in an interview room.)
3. Who pays for coffee?
I started this year as a PhD student. My advisor and I are not comfortable going to campus, so we recently scheduled a meeting in person but off campus. My advisor offered to make this a lunch meeting. I’ve met with my advisor before during my undergraduate degree over a cup of coffee, etc. and she always pays even though I offer to (etiquette says that the more senior person should pay, right?). I was so caught up with the actual contents of the meeting that when the bill came for lunch I forgot to even offer to pay. Of course, I thanked her for the lunch when I realized that she picked it up. Is this a faux pas and do I need to bring it up again?
Nah, she was probably expecting to pay. Someone who doesn’t want to cover both people will usually say, “It looks like we both owe $X” or so forth. And you’re right that the more senior person usually pays (although there are some exceptions to that, like if you’ve asked someone to meet as part of a favor you’re requesting from them). Ideally you would have offered to pay because that’s polite and you should always be ready to, but you thanked her once you realized and it’s not something you need to bring up again. (To be totally honest, there is a 60% chance that I personally would bring it up again and be like, “I zoned out on paying when the bill came the other day and then felt so rude, thank you again” but that’s because I over-think this kind of thing and it’s not necessary.)
Still, though, I would make a point of offering to pay in the future (and be ready for her to take you up on it, which she might do at some point if these meetings are frequent).
4. I keep getting fired but can’t get feedback on why
I am a private tutor (more than seven years now), but I keep getting fired by certain students, with no feedback given by the parents or agency, beyond “not being right for them.” It’s frustrating, as many of my students have progressed amazingly and have enjoyed lessons with me on a weekly or more regular basis for one or two years.
My feedback is always great, but then parents or agencies will inevitably fire me for “not having the right vibe” or “not being the right kind of fit.” How do I face up to these criticisms, and how do I improve?
Ideally you’d seek feedback from your agency, stressing that you have a sincere desire to learn from the experience and improve, and that you’re not looking to debate the decision, just to avoid something similar in the future. A good agency will give you feedback. If they won’t, it’s likely that (a) they’re not a good agency, or (b) the problem is something they’re very uncomfortable talking about (like if you’re coming across as creepy in some way), or (c) something else is going on that’s more about them than you (for example, racism).
It’s also true that with some contract jobs, it’s part of the gig that you’re not going to get any feedback or coaching — part of what clients, and even agencies, are paying for is the ability to say “it’s not working, we’re going to try something else” without having to get into why. I don’t know if this is one of those fields or not, but it could be interesting to talk to others who do similar work about what their experience has been.
5. How do I ask about pay for a job that doesn’t quite exist yet?
I recently applied for a job that’s similar to mine but at a more stable institution (think large university instead of tiny nonprofit). The manager got in touch immediately and was up-front that the job would be more procedural and detail-oriented than originally advertised. A position that would better fit my skills is likely to open up within the next year and we planned to talk then. It was a great conversation, we had a good vibe and agreed we would like to be colleagues, I’m not in a rush to change jobs (or relocate), and I appreciated both her honesty and her accurate, non-judgmental assessment of my strengths. So far, so good.
However, my behavior in the next year depends at least a LITTLE on what this job would pay—and the range is almost impossible to guess. If something else comes along in the meantime, or if I have an opportunity to move to a different city than the one I’d move to for this job, I will deal with that differently depending on how good of a prospect this is. I don’t think those things will happen, but they might! We are past the “thanks, that was great, let’s stay in touch” email stage. Is there a way to politely pop back up and say “and also, how much money do you have”? Is that normal?
It’s not really the time to do that. This is a job that might open up in the next year or might not. You really shouldn’t be changing your behavior in the next year based on a possibility that might never come to fruition — and even if it does open up, you might not be hired for it or it could be configured differently at that point, etc. If I were that hiring manager and I got the sense that you were counting in any way on (a) a job that won’t be open for months, if ever, (b) that you hadn’t even been interviewed for yet, and (c) which there was no certainty you’d be hired for … I’d be alarmed. When I tell candidates, even strong ones, about a position that might open up in the future, it means “if that happens, we’d be glad to consider you as part of our candidate pool, which will almost certainly contain other strong candidates too,” not “if this job opens up, we’d probably hire you for it.”
The only sensible thing here is to proceed however you would if you’d never heard about that potential job. Definitely don’t let it influence things where you do or don’t move!
With all that for context, you shouldn’t contact her again to ask for a salary range. She may not even know one yet, and it’s going to come across a bit strangely considering where things stand.
not feeling the Hogwarts spirit, who pays for coffee, and more was originally published by Alison Green on Ask a Manager.
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