It’s five answers to five questions. Here we go…
1. I don’t want to be friends with my coworker
I work in a bookshop. It’s the sort of place that hires pretty much only graduates, and an obsessive interest in reading is an absolute must — for a retail job, it’s much more of a career than is typical. Their hiring practices mean that generally the shop ends up staffed by a group of very like-minded people with a lot of common interests, and as with a lot of retail jobs, there’s a lot of fraternizing outside of work. We live in a pretty cool, artsy city with a lot going on, so it’s not uncommon for us to get drinks or see gigs or art shows together as a group.
I have one coworker who is making quite insistent offers of us spending one-on-one time together outside of work, such as inviting me over to his house. He’s also over-familiar in a way that makes me uncomfortable — for example, he’s met my husband once at drinks and now continually asks me about him, what he’s doing and how he is, to the point that it feels a bit bizarre and intrusive. I don’t want to be closer friends with this guy. I enjoy the dynamic of a casual group of my coworkers, but I don’t want to get into anything this intense. Additionally, this coworker is pretty dramatic, and although it sounds heartless, I just don’t want to get caught up in another person’s mess! I want to keep my head down, enjoy my job, treat everyone professionally, and stick with the group of friends I have outside of work.
How do I rebuff his continuous offers to hang out without seeming rude? I’ve been laughing them off, but he just brings it up more and more. For what it’s worth, there’s definitely no romantic assignations going on here — I’m a straight gal and he’s a gay guy.
It is hard to say to someone, essentially, “I do not want to be friends with you.” In some ways, it’s almost harder because it’s not a romantic rejection! If he were expressing romantic interest, we have established norms for turning down would-be suitors … which can come with their own issues, certainly, but our culture has very few templates for “I don’t want to be your friend.”
Sometimes in this situation, the easiest approach is to blame your schedule. The fact that he sees you at the group activities makes it a little harder, but you could still say, “I don’t have much time for much socializing other than the group stuff we do with people from the store.” Or, “My schedule is so awful these days that outside of these group hangs, I’m usually just collapsing on the couch with my husband.”
But if you think he’s someone who won’t get the hint, you could go straight to, “You’re so nice to ask, but I try to stick to group stuff with people from work — it’s been drilled into me to keep boundaries with anyone I work with!” Feel free to say this in a “it’s just my own weird thing” tone if it makes it easier. If he pushes after that, then he’s officially A Problem and you’d need to move into a different mode entirely, but hopefully it won’t come to that.
(Based on all these activities, I’m assuming you live in an area that hasn’t needed continued Covid protections — in which case, kudos to you and your government — or are writing to me from a time machine.)
2. My two weeks notice only counts as one week?
I’m currently a secretary at a hospital. I had been searching for a new job for over a year, and my current supervisor knew that. I had kept them informed of the promising interviews I had and that one organization expected to make their decision last week, while I was on my honeymoon vacation. The organization did offer me the position and I accepted and emailed my supervisor my formal resignation and two weeks notice. They texted me “congratulations.” Today, I’m back from vacation and they emailed me that since I was on vacation, my two week’s notice is only one week’s notice, and that I need to ask my new employer to move back my start date.
My new job is in line with my master’s degree, and is pretty much a dream job for where I am in life right now. I feel sick to my stomach at my supervisor’s request, especially with how the hospital treats employees who are not doctors or nurses. It’s a very toxic work environment. How can I say no, I’m not starting my new job off on a negative note, without burning any bridges at the hospital?
If they’re committed to being unreasonable, you might not be able to prevent the bridge from being burned. All you can do is be professional and reasonable, and from there it’s up to them.
What they’re asking for is not reasonable; there isn’t some general rule that the clock only starts ticking on your notice period once you’re back at work. And if they really thought there was, presumably they would have spoken up last week.
I’d say this: “Unfortunately there’s no way for me to move my start date, so I do need to stick with the last day of (date) that I gave you when I gave you my two weeks notice on (date). I’m sorry I don’t have any flexibility to extend it beyond those two weeks, but I’m of course ready to do anything I can to help with the transition between now and my last day.” That’s you being pleasantly helpful, while also repeating “two weeks” twice to reinforce that that they did in fact get two weeks. If you want, you could also say, “I wasn’t aware of an expectation that my two weeks notice wouldn’t start until I returned from my honeymoon; I’ve always understood it to start from the date it is given and didn’t see anything different in the employee manual. Unfortunately I’m not able to move it.”
3. Attendance contest
I work for an answering service, and they have just announced an attendance contest. One wins points for working one’s full shift, filling in/picking up extra shifts, and the like. Points are docked for being late for shifts or late back from lunch/breaks, leaving early, and calling off sick. There are cash/gift card prizes. Am I overreacting, or is this as icky as it feels to me? Is there a professional way to say “polite pass, attendance contests are for fifth graders, not professionals?” This is just one more thing in a long list of things that feel juvenile, but it’s the only one that I feel is really walking a fine line.
Yeah, it’s not great. They’re no doubt looking for ways to incentivize reliability and I’m glad they’re doing it with rewards rather than with something punitive, but they’re incentivizing people to come in when they’re sick — which is bad at any time, but especially bad in a pandemic.
Whether or not to formally opt out depends on how much capital you have and feel like spending, but the lower-key option is to just ignore the whole thing.
4. Applying for a job in another state when I don’t want to move
My job, and the two industries it straddled, was hit extremely hard by COVID and my type of role no longer exists. Although it was fairly prestigious and carried a lot of responsibility, I have skills in a pretty narrow sector and am struggling to find remote jobs that I am even 75% qualified for.
I am receiving some well-meaning but pushy advice from acquaintances, none of whom have worked in either of my industries, that I should be applying to some adjacent jobs with some major national companies. The problem is that every single one of these companies (and these jobs) are located in other states, and I am not interested in relocating.
Their response to me saying “but these jobs aren’t in my area” is “every job is remote right now! Just apply! Get your name in the system!” But it feels disingenuous to me to apply to a job in another state, not knowing how long that state will have remote work restrictions, and expect to work remotely indefinitely. I’m not willing to lie about my location, and I can’t imagine that any interviewer would green-light a candidate who is unwilling to continue the role once it becomes an in-person one. I consider these job postings (which clearly state the location, and do not explicitly state remote work) as roles that I am not qualified for, simply because I am not in the area.
Am I wrong? Should I be applying to these roles regardless, and hoping that the shift to remote work will buoy me into good standing despite my distant location?
There seems to be a category of job-searching advice that’s basically “doing something is better than doing nothing.” And I mean … maybe? But it makes for weird advice when there are other things you can do that work much more often.
Applying for a job in another state when you don’t want to relocate and have no indication they’re open to remote work is not usually a good way to “get your name in the system.” It’s a good way to annoy whoever’s doing the hiring. Yes, lots of jobs are remote for now, but for most of them that’s temporary, not a permanent plan.
That’s not to say that there’s no room to apply if you’re really interested in and really well qualified, and ask up-front if they’d be open to someone remote. Sometimes they are! And some companies are becoming more open to it than they used to be, simply because they’re seeing remote work go well for some jobs. So it’s better advice than it would have been a year ago. But it’s still something of a long shot.
That said, your chances go up when you’re very well matched to what they’re looking for, in which case they might be more willing to compromise on their original vision. But if your match for the job isn’t really strong, it’s not going to be a great use of your time.
5. Answering questions about family when you’re estranged from them
I’ve been estranged from my family since high school due to a particularly painful set of circumstances, and I was homeless as a result of it. More than a decade has passed and it is no longer something that affects me in my daily life. I’ve made peace with it and am happy to have moved on.
However, I don’t know what to say when someone asks me about my family. This is usually innocent small talk in the contexts of the workplace, university, networking events, etc. It also comes up with people I am friends with, but still within a professional relationship. I find that it becomes a harder thing for me to respond to when the holidays approach. (“What will you and your family do? Are you going home for the holidays?” etc.)
I obviously don’t want to spill too much personal information or cause an emotional burden. But I also want to answer honestly. What would your script be for these situations?
One option is to sidestep the question about your family entirely and just reply with what you are doing for the holidays: “Oh, I’m staying in town and celebrating with friends. What about you?” (Ending by asking about them will help move the conversation on, too.)
But if someone asks more directly — like “What’s your family doing this year?” — it’s okay to say, “We’re not close — it’s a long story. What’s your family up to?” Again, ending by asking about them will help — and to people paying attention, it will signal that your family isn’t something you want to get into.
I don’t want to be friends with my coworker, attendance contest, and more was originally published by Alison Green on Ask a Manager.
from Ask a Manager https://ift.tt/31m6Sya
0 Comments