It’s five answers to five questions. Here we go…
1. Did I mess up by muting my boss?
I think I might have messed up by muting my boss. Last week my boss and I were co-presenting to our team in Zoom. He was speaking to the team about important updates when his cell phone started to ring. He stopped talking to the team and answered the call without a word to us and didn’t even mute himself. We could hear the entire conversation. After about a minute of awkwardly trying not to listen to his personal call, I muted him. I figured he didn’t realize all of us could hear him. I did this to give him privacy, but afterwards he reamed me out, saying it was not my place to mute him and i he wanted to be muted, he would do it himself. Was I in the wrong to mute him? If this occurs again on Zoom, should I just let everyone hear his business?
You weren’t wrong to mute him. That was a normal and reasonable action that most people would have taken — and most people in his shoes would have wanted you to take. Your manager apparently wanted your whole team to have to listen to his call? He was being rude.
He was also rude in how he handled it afterwards. If for some reason he didn’t want you to do it again, he should have just explained that to you without all the drama over it.
But yes, it seems like a clear indication that going forward you should not mute him.
2. My boss told me to “toughen up” about the election
Each week my small team (four of us) has an informal Zoom “coffee chat” — intended as a non-work-related time to catch up and connect as we are all still working from home indefinitely. Often my manager can’t attend due to conflicting meetings, but when she does she tends to monopolize the conversation, and tends to share her thoughts on COVID and politics ad nauseam. Which sucks if you’re already stressed and anxious and just want to have a nice chat without focusing on the world like the other 23 hours of the day…
I’ve been able to deal with this okay, have generally tuned it out, and still really like these chats with my team, but recently I finally reached a boundary. My manager joined the call a few minutes late and immediately asked if we had watched the debates. I made a joking-ish response like “Oh boy, I can’t even talk about that!” Then, she immediately started talking about the election, saying something like, “We can hope for the best but need to prepare for the worst…”
I finally hit my wall with this. I said that I don’t think I can talk about this at work right now, and I felt like I might cry (I wasn’t really on the verge of tears, but things are really scary right now and I just couldn’t spend 20 minutes of my workday thinking about it!) Thankfully, my sweet coworker immediately jumped in to share a knitting project.
Afterwards my manager sent me a message saying she was sorry for bringing it up. When I replied to say thanks and explain that I find it hard to deal with talking about the current situation at work and admitting that things feel scary (because they do!) she replied, “People like you who are sensitive need to toughen up.”
I just … don’t even know how to respond to this. She is a very compassionate and kind person, and I think she means well with this and wants to act as an older mentor, but now I’m worried showing a little vulnerability at work just leads to her thinking I’m “too sensitive.” (For the record, I’ve never cried at this job and consider myself to always be calm and professional with everyone). I’m at a loss here. How can I get through the next weeks and months at work? Is there any productive way to talk to her about this?
Your boss’s comment was rude, whether she meant it kindly or not, and it suggests that she’s oblivious to how many people are deeply, profoundly upset by current events and have every reason for genuine fear about everything from health care to police violence to the stability of our democratic structures. It’s a privileged remark from someone who can’t have grappled seriously with some of these issues.
But if it was the only thing like this she’s said to you, I’d write it off as a clumsy remark that you don’t need to dwell on. If you see further evidence that she’s prone to thinking you’re too sensitive, I’d get more concerned.
3. Company wants to throw a lavish virtual holiday party
I work for a huge multi-national company that has been working remotely since early March, and will continue to do so well into 2021. We have been very fortunate that the pandemic has had almost no impact on the business’s finances, and in fact has meant that we have saved an enormous amount of money that is normally allocated to staff lunches, happy hours, and other in-person team building activities. I have gotten wind that my department’s event planners now want to use these extra funds, and we’re talking about tens of thousands of dollars, to throw a lavish virtual holiday party complete with VR headsets for every attendee so that we can “interact” as if we were in person.
I think this is an obscene and incredibly pointless waste of money. I don’t typically attend holiday parties during normal times, and I certainly don’t want a $600 toy shipped to me so I can sit alone in my living room when Zoom would suffice! Not to mention the optics of doing something so over-the-top during a recession, I’m sure I’m not alone in thinking these funds could be far better spent as employee bonuses, gift cards, or even donated to a local food bank. Is there any way I can push back on this even though I am not involved with event planning?
Yeah, that’s really oblivious and out of step with where people are right now.
In a huge multi-national company, unless you’re pretty high up or in a position with a lot of influence, your ability to do anything about may be limited unless you’re willing to spend a lot of capital organizing fellow colleagues to push back. But are there opportunites to bring it up with people with decision-making authority — virtual town halls, avenues to submit feedback, etc.? Or do you have the ear of someone who has the ear of someone with some influence? If the answers to all of that are no, your options are probably pretty limited. (In a smaller company, you’d have more avenues for sharing input.)
4. How should I explain why I was let go?
I have been let go from my job and am not sure how to handle it in interviews going forward. I was hired to do accounting for a small marketing company, which went well. Then another person in the office was let go, and I had to absorb some of that person’s duties. I did not mind, because it gave me the chance to learn some new skills.
At the same time, it was decided that “accounting” – meaning me — was supposed to reach out when a new client was signed. I was to let them know that an email would be sent with the accounting details, etc. I was also charged with following up with clients who had not paid, to find out why and when payment would be coming.
Cold calling and doing collection calls is not my strong suit. It has been a struggle, but I have tried my best, even as I dread the calls. My employer told me today that I was not working out in the position, because I needed stronger marketing and communication skills. It is frustrating because the other parts of my job I was doing well. If I had known at the beginning that this job would involve cold calls and collections, I would never have taken it.
When an interviewer asks why I was let go, what should I say? I was not laid off for any other reason than the fact I could not satisfactorily do two parts of a job that are not my strong suit.
This kind of situation actually lends itself well to a straightforward explanation: “I was hired to do accounting and did well at that part of the job, but they realized they needed someone to do cold calls and collection calls, which is not my strong suit.” You could even add, “I agreed with the decision, based on how the needs of the role had changed.”
That’s going to be perfectly understandable and, assuming you’re not applying for jobs that involve cold calls or collections, it’s not going to be alarming to most interviewers. You signed on for a job that was X, it turned out to be Y, and you parted ways.
5. My background check is taking forever
After being laid off from my full-time job due to COVID-19, I began the job hunt and accepted a part-time job in my field. Originally, I only applied to get interview experience since I knew I was seeking full-time work, but after none of my full-time interviews panned out I decided to accept the position so that I could begin working in the field again. Plus, I really liked the interview and the work I’ll be doing. I currently live with my parents so rent and bills are not an issue right now, though I would like to move out when I can.
But my background check is going so slowly, I feel as if I’ll never start! I accepted the job over a month ago, and submitted all the required background check documents four weeks ago. The results from one county I’ve lived in is holding up the whole process, and even when they’re in I still have to schedule and wait for a drug test to be processed. As I’ve been waiting for so long, I have been casually browsing job sites for full-time work in the field and have since applied to a full-time dream position. I’m at the point where I almost don’t mind the background check taking forever if it means I can have some kind of interview process for the full-time job. On the other hand, I would feel awful withdrawing from the part-time job if I were to get offered the full-time job since I know the position has been vacant this whole time. But, I don’t feel like it’s unreasonable that I’ve continued looking for work with this process taking so long! I don’t want to ruin my reputation by leaving my accepted employer in the lurch or count my chickens before they’ve hatched since I don’t even have an interview for the full-time position, but I’m so unsure of what to do. The full-time job would allow me to move out and get more experience that I’ll need down the road for certification. Full-time job listing aside, I have no idea what to do with this process. I’ve followed up consistently and just feel stuck.
Yeah, some background checks (not all) take a really long time. There’s no reason you can’t keep interviewing meanwhile. They’ve presumably made your offer contingent on you passing the background check, and even if you’re sure that you will, it’s reasonable to keep talking to other employers that interest you until this one has removed your contingencies and set you an actual start date.
If they lose you because their process is so long and a better offer emerged meanwhile, that’s not on you.
muting your boss, lavish virtual holiday parties, and more was originally published by Alison Green on Ask a Manager.
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