It’s five answers to five questions. Here we go…
1. My company wants me to Photoshop our customers
I am in my early 30’s and have floated from job to job my whole life. I finally have a career that I love, pays well, and offers room to grow. Part of my job consists of editing photos in Photoshop, and my boss has even paid for online classes for me. My company pays for an ad in an online magazine and each month we take photos of my boss’s boss with different customers of ours. My boss’s boss has given his full permission to make him “look great” by editing the photos however we see fit.
But my boss also makes me edit the customers in these photos, who have not given permission for this. The edits are mainly removing wrinkles from their face, making their teeth whiter, thinning out their face and neck, fixing their hair, etc. I am good at what I do and make the edits with the subjects still looking natural but I have some moral discomfort with them not knowing they are going to be edited. I have brought this up to my boss before and she is of the mindset that since we pay for the photographer and the ad, we can do whatever we want. I have suggested taking a release form with us for the subjects to sign giving us permission but she brushed it off, saying that’s not necessary and that if anything ever comes up, she will take full responsibility and blame. But still … I am the one editing the photos. I like my boss and job very much and don’t want to cause problems. Is this wrong?
Yeah, it’s not great. It’s one thing to fix a flyaway hair, correct lighting imbalances, or fix red-eye, but removing people’s wrinkles or changing the size of their face or neck is problematic. Some people might appreciate it, but others will not — and to the latter group, it’s going to come across strangely (and insultingly) that your company decided they’d be more pleasing if they were slimmed down or younger.
Can you just … not do those things? If your boss questions it, can you plausibly say there’s no way to do what she’s asking without it looking unnatural to the person? If you can’t, you can’t, but I’d try just pulling way back on the editing you do of customers and see what happens.
2. My manager spends our meetings venting about her job
I started a new job about a year ago, transitioning from a contractor into a full-time employee. My manager was my champion throughout this process and we have a great working relationship. I came aboard during a massive transition in the department and the team was dealing with high work volumes and stress from all sides. I learned to lay low and listen as my coworkers vented about the situation.
Unfortunately, these stress rants have bled into my 1-1s with my manager, with her spending a considerable amount of time de-stressing about her job or explaining in detail situations that don’t relate to my current tasks. These meetings are an hour long every two weeks and they aren’t really productive. I don’t receive any feedback except “you’re doing great” or “I’d let you know if you’re doing something wrong” but since she also expresses frustration with my coworkers in some of our meetings, I’ve considered she might be doing the same in their 1-1s.
At this point in my career, I would really like some critical feedback on how I am doing, especially since I’m new to corporate life (I previously worked at small businesses). How do I stop my manager from using our 1-1 meetings from being her personal stress valve and move towards receiving useful and critical feedback?
You’re right that it’s the wrong place for her to be doing that. I’d try being more assertive about how the time in those meetings gets used. For example, you can send her an agenda ahead of time with the topics you want to update her on or get input on (or if that would be weird in your culture, do it out loud at the start of the meeting — “I’m hoping we can talk about X, Y, and Z today”). A lot of people sit back and let their boss drive their 1:1s, but it can be really helpful to take more control of them yourself — think ahead of time about how it would be most useful to spend the time and then be clear at the start of the meeting about what you’re hoping to cover. (That assumes your boss is cool with that approach, of course, but lots of managers will be glad to have you be the one thinking through how to best use the time — and they of course can redirect things if they need to.)
Also, don’t be afraid to ask for feedback that’s more specific than “you’re doing great.” Sometimes you can get more useful input by asking, “If I wanted to focus on improving in one area, where would you recommend I focus?” or by asking to debrief specific projects — like “do you have thoughts on what we could have done differently on X to have gotten better results?” or “I’m not sure that meeting went as well as it could have — what was your take?” You can also talk about what your career goals are and ask for her advice on what you can do to position yourself to move in that direction in the future. (More here and here.)
3. Will I look like a job hopper?
In 2018, I left the company I had worked at for 12 years (during which I was promoted twice) to relocate out of state with my husband. Unfortunately, less than a year later, we returned to our home state due to family health issues back home. I took a similar job in the same field with a different company (there were no openings at my previous employer). A year later, my “dream job” opened at my previous employer and I happily took the offer. (So two jobs — one lasting nine months and one lasting one year). While I did know there was new leadership in place, I didn’t recognize that the culture at my old company had significantly changed. The new leadership is fostering a toxic work environment and restructuring of teams (since I was hired) has made my job duties significantly different than I had expected.
I really want to look for something else but I’m worried about a third change in three years (I’ve been in my current position about one year now). Do I need to stick it out? If so, how much longer? If I can start my search now, do you have any suggestions for how I address this on my resume and/or during an interview?
Well … it depends on how unhappy you are. It would be helpful to stay another year, but if you’re miserable, it wouldn’t be the worst thing in the world to start looking now. Your most recent job history is 12 years, nine months (because you moved), one year, and one year. The last three aren’t great, but one is explained by a move and you can cite leadership changes to explain the current switch (which won’t sound like BS, since you’d previously worked at the same place — apparently happily — for 12 years). That said, you’re going to want to stay at the next job for a solid length of time (ideally not less than three years) as a counter-weight to that pattern, so make sure you really do due diligence on the next job before accepting it.
4. Company said they’d hire me … then nothing
I have been dealing with a recruitment company for the last four weeks They told me the company loved my resume and I did not need to do a formal interview. It has been four weeks — no contract. I called the firm and asked about my contract and get crazy answers — the company is redlining the contract, oh the contract is signed, oh they are restructuring the groups, and it ends with oh you should get something the end of the week, but the end of the week comes and than nothing. I am still interviewing elsewhere. I have been scammed, have I not?
Probably not scammed (unless you gave them money for some reason), but certainly strung along. Sometimes when that happens it’s because things are just taking far longer than anticipated on their side (hold-ups from decision-makers, bureaucracy, higher priorities, or other moving pieces). Sometimes it’s because they aren’t as sure about you as they originally indicated (maybe another strong candidate emerged). Sometimes there’s something going on they don’t want to share outside the company (like potential cuts). In your case, the fact that they said they wanted to hire you without a real interview isn’t great — it says the decision might have been hasty and now that it’s time to make it real, there’s hesitation somewhere. (Which would make sense! They should interview you, and you should have a chance to interview them too.)
The best thing you can do is to put it out of your mind and assume it’s not happening unless an actual contract or start date appears.
5. Planning for parental leave with the uncertainty of foster parenting
My spouse (he/him) and I (she/her) are beginning the process of becoming foster parents. We haven’t had a home study yet or anything — but we could be within six months of being eligible for placements if everything works out. I have done a bit of diving into my work’s (academia!) parental leave policies and they require 90 days’ notice – something that doesn’t seem like it exactly aligns with foster placements. I mean, we could get a placement right after we’re licensed, but we may need to wait months. I’m not worried about my team – we’re a pretty understanding bunch — but my organization as a whole is big and I don’t want to mess anything up. My spouse is in a bit more of a precarious employment position than I am, which can also complicate things (he doesn’t get PTO).
I’m always not sure how much time we’ll want to take. It looks like some foster parents take a week of vacation and delay parental leave for a few months. This is all new to me and not as clear cut as the normal path to parenthood seems to be.
When would we tell our employers? How does one request parental leave when we don’t exactly know when it will happen or for how long? Are there other insights you and the readers might have of balancing work and foster parenting?
Ideally you’d figure out what you’ll want to ask for, since otherwise it’s not really actionable for your manager — they won’t know if they need to plan for you being out for a week (not a big deal) or a few months (a bigger deal that will take a lot more planning). So I’d try to figure that out first — possibly by talking to other foster parents about what they’ve done. If it’s impossible to know until closer to the time (like if it will depend on the specific needs of the child), I’d explain that to your boss and ask about the best way to proceed.
But we’ll get better input from readers who have navigated this themselves. Readers who have fostered kids, how did you handle advance planning for leave?
my company wants me to Photoshop our customers, managers uses our meetings to vent, and more was originally published by Alison Green on Ask a Manager.
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