It’s five answers to five questions. Here we go…
1. My replacement doesn’t want me to stop helping him
I had a job for 10 years that was heavy with responsibility, 24/7 weekends and evenings. I kept to my responsibilities when I was going through chemotherapy for breast cancer. Now that I am cancer-free, I moved to another state to be closer to family. I accepted a job with less authority and less responsibility so that my energy could be placed on my personal life.
The problem: Five months have passed and I am still training my Iowa replacement, “Dan,” and I don’t see an end in sight. In addition to training, Dan asked me to perform some of my former duties for a while because he was overwhelmed. I did this (paid by the hour) and now that those duties are coming to an end, Dan asked me about scheduling training for items that I have already trained him on. He is also asking for training on items we have not gone over but I feel he should be able to figure out. To try and put a stop to this and establish a boundary, I emailed Dan and our mutual supervisor from my former job and let them both know that I will not be available for training after October 31 and that I would only be available week nights after 3:00 pm. Dan responded and said there is no way we can do any effective training with such short notice and he can only do Saturdays. I know that Covid has thrown a wrench in things and I want to help, but this doesn’t feel right and I can’t meet the expectation that Dan has for training. What should I do?
Dan doesn’t get to dictate any of this! You were doing your former organization a favor by agreeing to help out after you left, and you get to put any limitations on that that you want. Keep in mind that it would have been entirely reasonable if you’d said no initially; they should appreciate anything you were willing to give. And to say this is short notice after you’ve been helping for five months?! And to demand that you give up your Saturdays to do it? No. No, no, no. You’ve already gone above and beyond, when you haven’t needed to do any of this.
People leave jobs, and the organizations they leave make due. You are not tethered to them until they decide they’re willing to do without you. You’ve already left! Stick to that.
At this point, I wouldn’t engage with Dan at all about this and instead would just email your former manager and say, “I’ve been willing to help while Dan was getting acclimated, but I never intended it to go on this long. It’s been five months and I’m not able to continue after the 31st or on the schedule he’s requesting. If he’d like my assistance on weekdays after 3 pm between now and then, I’m happy to help, but I’m not available beyond that. Could you talk with him and then let me know what you’ll need from me, within the confines of my availability?”
2. Candidates not sending thank-you notes
I am interviewing people for two positions currently, not as the hiring manager but as an “outside the department” perspective.So far I’ve interviewed six people and not one has sent any kind of follow-up or thank-you note. I can tell from the virtual meeting invite that they all have my email address, so that’s not the reason. I polled some friends and got a split on if these notes are even required nowadays. I know you always suggest writing a strong thank-you note to improve your candidacy, but honestly I’d be thrilled with even a one-line acknowledgement. With the candidates all being comparable, any candidate sending me a note is certainly going to rank higher for me. Am I being old-fashioned with this?
Not old-fashioned, but too rigid. It’s true I encourage candidates to send thank-you notes … but it’s not a requirement, just a suggestion, and you shouldn’t hold it against candidates who don’t. A thoughtful follow-up can indeed strengthen someone’s candidacy, but the presence or absence of a note itself (especially a perfunctory one) is not a make-or-break thing. You want to focus your evaluation of candidates primarily on the must-have qualities and skills for the role. (There are some jobs where thank-you’s might correlate to those, like for fundraising roles — but not for most.) Plus, lots of candidates come from backgrounds where they didn’t learn this particular job search convention.
By all means, appreciate a thoughtful follow-up (although less so the generic one-line acknowledgements, which are so perfunctory that I don’t really give them weight at all). But don’t expect or require them or be thrown off when you don’t get them. More here!
3. My coworker is obsessed with the other candidates who didn’t get her job
I have a coworker who is also a good friend who recently took a promotion in another department. Since the day she was selected for an interview in this new department, she’s been obsessed with the other candidates applying, her “competition.” I might understand the curiosity while you’re still in the hiring process and you want to stand out as much as possible, but she got the job. She’s been in the position for several weeks and she is still hung up on the other candidates — asking her new colleagues about them, looking them up, asking for specific details as to why they went with her over them. I’m not sure if it’s imposter syndrome or extreme insecurity but it’s becoming a bit much. She’s my friend. Should I just come out and tell her that she needs to let it go and be happy?
Yes! She’s your friend, so it would be a kindness to tell her that this is coming across strangely — not the curiosity itself (it’s natural to be a little curious about your competition) but talking about it so often — and that it risks making her seem like she doesn’t think she’s qualified for the job.
4. Should I follow up on a gift I was supposed to receive?
After continuous work and casual job hunting for several years, I used all of your advice on resumes, cover letters, interviews, and negotiations to land a truly fantastic job. I am doing the exact work that I love and am good at, I love the people, it’s truly a great fit. Because of this, I won a department-wide award (MVP of the Quarter)! I got the recognition that I feel I deserve for the first time in my career! Very exciting.
One of the perks of this award was that the department lead said she would be sending something in the mail. I know she is extremely busy. It’s been over a month and nothing has arrived. Should I follow up on this, and if so, how could I go about doing this? I don’t want to be rude, but I also would wonder if something got lost in the mail. With everything going on, this award feels so significant, and I was really looking forward to a little token of appreciation.
Frame it as wanting to make sure you didn’t miss something from her: “You’d mentioned you were mailing me something, but I haven’t received it. I wanted to check back with you since if it got lost somewhere I didn’t want you to think I wasn’t acknowledging it!” (If you want, you could add, “But I also know you’re swamped so if you just haven’t had a chance to send it, I understand!” But that’s not necessary.)
5. Including a podcast appearance on your resume
I’m an experienced professional looking for a higher level position. My office has started a podcast and recently released an episode where the host interviewed me on many aspects of my field. Is this podcast something I could/should include on a resume?
In my previous career, it was expected for people to include publications or professional speaking engagements on resumes and this seems in the same vein, but I’m unsure about it. I’m thinking that being on the podcast might show potential interviewers that I am considered something of an expert in my field and allow them to hear my speaking abilities if they are interested. What do you think?
Sure, it’s fine to give it one line in the same way you might include publications or speaking engagements. Some hiring managers might listen to it, some won’t, but it’s not weird to include it. (This is especially true because you were being interviewed specifically about your work. If the episode were about something further afield from your candidacy, I’d be less inclined to include it.)
my replacement doesn’t want me to stop helping him, candidates who don’t send thank-you’s, and more was originally published by Alison Green on Ask a Manager.
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