It’s five answers to five questions. Here we go…
1. What should we do for the holidays this year?
I’m the boss’s wife. I also, a little bit, work for the company. In addition to the small number of things I do, I’m responsible for the annual holiday party. Every year, we throw a big dinner party where employees invite a significant other and we have a lovely, multi-course dinner and open bar at a nice restaurant. We’ve been to The Palm for surf and turf many times, and there are other menu options so that even those with dietary restrictions have plenty to eat.
Obviously, we’re not doing that this year since we’re in a state that’s not doing so well with COVID-19. Originally I suggested sending dinner boxes (like Harry & David) to everyone. That was rejected by a few employees with whom the owners (one of whom is my husband) spoke. Then I suggested a wine and cheese box. Through a series of developments that weren’t of my doing, the majority of employees voted for getting a gift card for a dinner or a VISA gift card. We’d do a quick Zoom meeting so that the owners could do their usual speeches.
My issue is twofold: First, everyone is getting their annual bonus, so I’m concerned that a VISA gift card is also more of the same and will be used for regular bills. Second, I worry that just giving cash (which is how I see the VISA gift card) won’t make it at all special like the annual holiday party is.
I’m at a loss. On the one hand, I’d like to send something special to every employee and currently have the budget to do so. On the other hand, I’ve been given the employee survey that they just want money (or restaurant gift cards, which is hard to figure out since we’re separated geographically and not everyone has access to the same chain restaurants). I am willing, if I have to, to figure out which chain restaurants are near to each employee.
What should I do? I want to make everyone happy, but I don’t want to just give money since that eliminates the fun that we have every year.
Give money! That’s what the employees have said they want. Yes, it might be used for regular bills. Yes, it will be more of the same on top of bonuses. It’s still what they want. They’ve told you clearly that that’s more valuable to them than any of the other options.
I get that it’s not going to feel special like a party or a fancier gift might. I get that it means there’s no fun celebration this year. That’s still what they’re telling you they prefer.
This is a weird year where lots of things aren’t the same as we’re used to. It’s also a year where many people have significantly more financial pressures, and a year where many people are exhausted and just don’t want the socially distanced version of the usual celebrations. They just want money. Show you respect them by not overruling that. They’ll appreciate it.
You could do the restaurant gift cards so people could get takeout, but it’s going to be more work for you and lots of people don’t like chain restaurants. If you really want to do something in that direction, you could do gift cards from a national restaurant delivery service like Seamless … but truly, they want money. It’s a gift for them, not the company and not you. (And it’s likely to really rankle if they hear that an owner’s wife, who doesn’t even work there full-time, was allowed to overrule that — particularly after someone took the trouble to have them vote.) Give them what they want.
2. Our boss drops stress bombs on us just before time off
My supervisor has a tendency to drop “stress bombs” on me and other team members. By this, I mean that she will send texts to us after hours, on Friday evenings or even just before a short vacation. They tend to run along the lines of some vague dissatisfaction or complaint with our performance with a statement that we need to discuss this whenever we’re both next in the office. Often, these are not legitimate issues — they often turn out to be misunderstandings — but getting a message like this is extremely stressful. Requests to speak on the phone with her then and there are rebuffed, so you’re left to sweat about it for hours or even days. Is there a way we can communicate how upsetting this is and ask that she stop this?
What on earth. In the most charitable reading, the timing is because she’s wrapping up work related to you before the week ends or before you leave for vacation and in doing that realizes she has feedback for you … as opposed to the other reading, which is that something is driving her to interfere with your ability to disconnect from work. Either way, it’s not cool (and even in the charitable reading, she should realize what she’s doing after a time or two).
You could say this: “A few times lately, right before the weekend or before I start a vacation you’ve texted me a concern about my work and when I’ve asked to discuss it, you’ve wanted to wait until I’m back at work — which means I’ve then spent the weekend or my vacation worrying that I’ve made a serious mistake. Once we do talk, it’s often turned out to be fine, but it means my time off becomes stressful. Could I ask you to wait until we’re in the office to raise those things so we can talk about them immediately and I’m not left worrying for days until we can speak?”
I’m curious what else you know about her though. Is she anxious when people are away? Or just a jerk? Historically open to feedback or closed off to it? If you leave more info in the comments, I’ll try to refine this advice.
3. I’m not getting a raise because my boss didn’t do my evaluation in time
I work for an organization that provides raises annually to high performing staff based on their hire date. I am an extremely hard worker and receive high marks on my appraisals (top 3% of the company historically). My boss called today and said that she did not complete my appraisal on time and therefore, due to HR rules, I am not eligible for one of the raises being awarded to staff next month (fall raises). I will be eligible for a raise in a second round 3-4 months from now after she completes my appraisal. This second raise round (spring raise) is designed to provide raises to staff hired later in the year who missed the fall cycle.
I am hurt and upset by this. I feel as though my boss does not care about the impacts of not completing my appraisal on time to me personally. I recognize I already receive a generous salary, will received a raise soon, and would be in the spring round if I had happened been hired at a later date anyway, but this feels like a betrayal.
Am I being overly sensitive or is this something I should be discuss with my boss? If this warrants discussion how would I bring it up?
I think taking it as a betrayal is a bit much, but I’d be upset in your shoes too. That’s real money that you’re missing out on because your boss didn’t get your review done in time. She should be really apologetic about that — and frankly she should be trying to get your raise in the spring to be retroactive until now since it was her mistake. In fact, I’d ask for that. You could say, “Since I’d been scheduled for an assessment in the fall, can I ask that any raise in the spring be made retroactive to now, so that missing the deadline doesn’t mean I lose money?”
4. What’s the best day of the week to start a new job?
What’s the best day of the week to start a new job? I see some chatter about it online, but couldn’t find anything on your website. Monday is the presumptive standard, but I’m seeing great feedback for starting later in the week as well. Does it even matter?
There’s no particular standard. It’s really up to you and your employer. That said, first weeks can be exhausting, and starting on a Tuesday or Wednesday can give you a shorter first week, which can make things a little less intense. But any day of the week is fine.
5. Taking a new job when I want to have kids soon
I’ve been offered a new position within my current organization (large public university). The offer is exciting because a) it gives me a chance to specialize my knowledge in an area, something I think I need on my resume, and b) I’ve been feeling undervalued and burned out in my current job and don’t see this changing. There would be no increase in pay in the new job, so it’s more of a professional development/personal sanity move.
Sounds great so far, right? The problem is that my husband and I have been planning for some time to start a family within the next year. If all goes well, and I take this new job, I’d be going on maternity leave less than a year after starting. I also plan to have more than one child, so this would likely be a reoccurring thing in the first five years or so of this job.
Is this a bad move? Would I be better off just biding my time in my current job and seeking a new job when I’m past my maternity leave phase of life? I don’t want my new boss and coworkers to resent me.
Take the job if you want it! You don’t know how long it will take you to get pregnant or start a family another way, and if women feel obligated to shy away from opportunities during our most likely child-bearing years, we’d be ceding a ton of professional ground. Frankly, even if you were pregnant right now I’d encourage you to take it. It sounds like a great career move.
As for colleagues resenting you — people get pregnant and have babies. It’s part of the deal with hiring humans. If your colleagues are reasonable people, they’re not going to resent you. (Plus, doing the math here, unless you get pregnant in the next couple of months, you’re likely to be on the job for at least a year before you take maternity leave. You’re not going to come in and instantly leave.)
should we just give money for the holidays, boss drops stress bombs, and more was originally published by Alison Green on Ask a Manager.
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