It’s five answers to five questions. Here we go…
1. My boss is a snob about college degrees
I work as a strategy leader for a large corporation that—among many other things—builds and runs primary care doctor’s offices. My team is closely involved in training the many types of employees in our primary care locations—physicians, medical assistants, managers, front desk staff, etc. Frequently, when we’re developing a new process or training resource for the positions that don’t require post-secondary education, like our front desk staff, my boss will remind us to make instructions simple by saying things like, “Remember, these are folks who didn’t go to college. We need to make sure we’re not overwhelming them” or “Most of these people only have a high school degree, so let’s not expect too much.”
I find this frustrating for many reasons, both personal and professional. I am highly educated in the traditional sense (bachelor’s and master’s degrees), but I know and love lots of people who aren’t, such as my incredibly intelligent father who couldn’t afford college and instead worked as a police officer for decades. Then there’s my husband, who didn’t finish college but is a leader in the skilled trades and owns his own very successful business. I’m a strong believer that college isn’t the best choice for everyone, and that lacking a college degree doesn’t mean someone is cognitively deficient. My boss’s comments feel elitist and small-minded, even though I don’t think that’s her intention. Should I politely call her out on this? Or should I just let it go?
Ick. It’s one thing to say something like “let’s keep the writing clear and concise” — that’s good advice even when you’re writing for people with advanced degrees — but holy hell she’s being patronizing and gross. “Let’s not expect too much”?!
So yeah, ideally you’d push back on those comments if you’re in a position where you can safely do it. In the moment you could say, “You know, in my experience, these folks are smart and don’t need things watered down more than we’d do for other audiences” or “College or not, these are skilled people in professional, responsible positions. I don’t think we need to worry about comprehension issues more than with anyone else we serve.”
And if you’re up for it, you could talk to her about the pattern too: “You’ve often remarked that we shouldn’t expect much from the people we train who don’t have college degrees, and I wanted to ask you to rethink that. I know a lot of people without degrees, many of whom are very successful, and there are lots of reasons why someone might not go to college, especially financially. It feels off-base to me to talk about people without degrees that way.” (And if you want to throw in that your husband doesn’t have a degree and owns a successful business, that’s especially likely to shame her into stopping or at least make her feel awkward continuing.)
2. Will I look ungrateful for quitting right now?
I’ve been at my current job for three years, one year as an hourly college intern who helped at the front desk, and the last two years I was promoted to the manager of the interns as well as the head of the front desk (I was lucky enough to be hired right out of college because the spot opened up). I report directly to my boss who helps me oversee our interns. I love my interns, and my boss and I have a great working relationship as well as a friendship outside of work. While I’m glad to have a job (I live in an extremely expensive city) the work itself isn’t something I enjoy or see myself doing long-term, and I’ve been feeling burnt out. My original plan was to stay throughout our busiest time of year (Feb-May) and then leave in this summer, which is considered a dead time for us. That way, someone could easily be trained at my position at a low stress time and be well set up for the year and I could make a quick exit.
Unfortunately, COVID derailed me and we were work-from-home from March-June (at full pay). Now that we’re back in the office, my team has been cut to 50% capacity, meaning I won’t be allowed any interns for the rest of the year, so all the front desk work now falls on me and my boss. To top that, my boss has recently told me she’s expecting her first child. I’m incredibly excited for her but this has added to the pressure I feel to get out in a timely fashion so she won’t have to worry about finding someone new as her due date gets closer.
I worry that my quitting will be seen as ungrateful, since I have been lucky enough to retain steady income while many people were not as fortunate, even within my own family. I also worry that I’ll be seen as “irresponsible” because I’m leaving a steady job to pursue my dream in an industry that’s taken a major hit right now. (I currently work in the administrative branch of an entertainment company, but my lifelong goal and why I live in this city is to work solely in entertainment.) I also don’t want to be in a position where I’ve blindsided my boss because I’ve made no mention of wanting to leave prior to this. I know there’s never a “good” time to quit a good job so am I simply over-thinking it? Or should I hold my tongue for a little longer?
You’re over-thinking it — or rather, you’re doing what a lot of people do when they’re ready to quit a job, which is to feel immensely guilty and obligated to stay until it’s a good time for their company or their boss. But that’s not how this works. This is a business relationship. Your obligations are to do a good job while you’re there, give a professional amount of notice (generally two weeks), and assist with a transition during that time. That’s it. You get to leave when you want to leave. Sometimes (often, in fact) it will be inconvenient for your employer and/or and for your manager personally. That’s a normal part of business, and they will be fine.
Quitting now is not ungrateful to your company. You have been trading labor for money. There’s no gratitude obligation that requires you to continue doing that when it’s no longer in your interests.
And this won’t be blindsiding your boss any more than quitting normally is. Most people don’t signal to their bosses that they’re planning to leave until the moment they’re giving notice. That’s normal, because otherwise you risk being pushed out earlier than you want to go. That’s still true even though you have a friendship outside of work! I promise you there are things your boss doesn’t share with you because of your professional roles, and it’s okay for that to be the case for you as well.
The one caveat I’d give is: Are you planning to leave with nothing lined up? That’s always a risky move, but especially in this job market and especially in a highly competitive industry like entertainment. Any reason not to find a new job first and then give your notice?
3. Staying in touch with an old boss after you leave
I recently left a job I was doing for a year and a half. Because I was a personal assistant and for much of the time the only employee of the person I worked for, I was pretty involved in their life, house-sat several times, knew the family well, etc. I left on good terms and gave several months notice, but since I left I have not been in contact at all. I don’t particularly want to be in touch (I don’t really have anything to say) but I also don’t want my old boss to feel weird or snubbed. This is my first job after college so I’m not sure what the norms here are, or if they’re different for jobs where you’ve been so heavily involved in someone’s life. Since I’m applying for jobs, I also worry that this lack of contact on my part may affect the recommendations that my boss might give.
Have they reached out to you? If not, are you feeling snubbed? I’m guessing not — and there’s no reason the onus for maintaining a relationship would be more on you than on them.
Typically when someone leaves a job, if they stay in touch with their manager at all — and many people don’t — it’s more of a once or twice a year thing or even less. (There are exceptions of course, but we’re talking about what’s typical.)
Your boss’s focus has probably moved on, but if you want to sort of … pad the relationship while you’re in active need of recommendations, you could send a short, friendly email to check in, say you’re still searching, hope to have something soon, will be asking for a recommendation when you do, blah blah. It’s very unlikely that sending that email will kick off a round of more intense contact; it’s just a low-key way to stay on their radar when you’ll need a reference soon. But even that is probably unnecessary assuming the relationship was good.
With this letter and the one before it, it’s interesting to note the emotional obligations people pick up connected to their jobs. And it’s not that managers don’t feel emotional obligations to their employees — good ones do — but man, those ties make employees feel way more constricted than they usually make employers feel.
4. Pushing back on an unsafe request
Our office is moving to full-time work from home even after the pandemic ends. We will all need to go into the office at some point to clean out our offices. We have some team items that must be boxed up to be shipped to another office. Our manager doesn’t want to do that by herself (it shouldn’t take one person more than an hour), so she is insisting that we call come in on the same day and do it together. Although I’m happy to do my part shutting down the office, this doesn’t seem safe to me. Is there a way to push back that doesn’t seem like just complaining? Should I suggest everyone do one box? Should I just offer to do it all myself so we can come in at different times and stay safely apart? Am I overreacting?
You’re not overreacting; it’s ridiculous to make everyone come to the office together during a pandemic when the whole thing could be handled by one person in an hour.
If you’re willing to just do it yourself so you don’t have to deal with the risk, I’d say, “I don’t think it’s safe for us all to be there at once, but I’d be willing to do it myself when I’m there packing up my own things.” If you don’t think you should have to take that on yourself, you could say, ““I don’t think it’s safe for us all to be there at once, so can we talk about other ways to do it? Maybe everyone packs a couple of boxes while they’re there dealing with their own stuff?”
5. Should I apply for a job that might not still be open?
I came across a job posting that I think could be a great fit for. The post said “This posting will be closed on X date,” with that date originally mid-October (when it was pulled down) and then Oct 30th, after getting reposted. It just got pulled down on Nov 4th. Would it be a bad move to still submit my resume and cover letter this week? (I’ve been working on them). If so, how can I acknowledge that the job posting has been taken down?
The reason why I didn’t apply earlier is I originally saw the posting on the first due date and I thought I’d missed my chance. On the second due date, I saw it had been reposted, which gave me hope that they’re still looking for someone!
Take the shot! It’s possible that they’re no longer accepting no applications, but it’s also possible that they are. Jobs sometimes get pulled down and reposted — sometimes because they automatically expired on a certain date when the role is still open, sometimes because they thought they’d made a hire but it fell through, sometimes because of internal miscommunication … all sorts of things. The most you have to lose is the time you spend on the application (and that’s true whenever you apply for a job).
When you apply (which you should do ASAP; don’t wait), say, “I’m not sure if you’re still accepting applications but if you are, I’d love to be considered.”
my boss is a snob about college degrees, will I look ungrateful for quitting, and more was originally published by Alison Green on Ask a Manager.
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