It’s five answers to five questions. Here we go…
1. Is it risky to ask my boss for a reference while I’m furloughed?
I was furloughed from my IT job last week, and we’re expecting it to last approximately 90 days. Of course, right now nothing is certain and I’ve been busy looking for other temporary and full-time opportunities since I’ve been off the payroll.
A good job opportunity that’s equal in pay to the one that I’m furloughed from has come up, and the recruiters are interested in presenting me for an interview. They’re asking for three references up front.
I would like to ask my current boss for a reference because the work I do in his group is similar to what this other company is looking for. But I also worry that asking him for a reference would be career suicide if I don’t get the other job, and I’m concerned that I could be not asked to return once they start calling folks to come back. I do have other former bosses at this company who’d give me a good review, but it’s a pretty tight-knit crew and word would get around.
My assumption is that they would know my colleagues and I would be looking for other full-time work and this wouldn’t be a big deal. Am I overthinking this concern?
Any halfway sensible manager will know you’re looking for other work now that you’re off their payroll — but it’s also not unreasonable to worry that if they can’t bring everyone back, they might figure the person who’s actively working with recruiters is more expendable (not because there’s anything wrong with what you’re doing, but because they might think you’re closer to new employment than other people are). That’s not the right way to look at it, but it can happen and you’re not wrong to worry.
If you have plenty of other good, relatively recent references who don’t work at your current company, I might use them instead. But if you feel you need to use your boss, word it this way: “My strong first choice is to come back to (company). But I want to make sure I have my ducks in a row in case that doesn’t happen, so I agreed to talk to this recruiter. Would you be willing to give me a good reference? I know we’re still hoping to bring everyone back; I just want to make sure I’m covered in case we don’t.”
That might feel a little more deferential than you should need to be. (They furloughed you! They’re not paying you! Of course you’re looking for other jobs!) But it’s in your best interests for your boss to see you as still invested in coming back if you can.
2. I got in trouble for kissing my boyfriend at work
I currently work in retail and I have always followed the rules, came in on time, took shifts, etc. I’ve never gotten into any serious trouble while at work and I’ve worked there for almost nine years. My boyfriend started working there back in 2018. Usually when one of us leaves before the other, we stop by after our shift is up and give a quick peck on the cheek. This is always done when the one leaving is off the clock. I’ve been nervous before because even though I know I’m off the clock, I worried that we would be seen by a manager.
I was recently pulled into HR’s office and told that a leader had seen us a few days prior saying goodbye to each other. The HR person asked if anything else had transpired. I said no because that was the truth, we never go further than that. He informed me because a leader had seen us, I was being written up for inappropriate touching because I was still in my work clothes and my boyfriend was on the clock and in his work clothes, and to any unsuspecting customer, it looked like we were kissing while working. I do remember that I had my purse and a bag in my hand from the store that day, so I was visibly off the clock.
HR told me that the worst outcome of this could be termination but there’s a larger chance I would be placed on corrective action He said he would keep me updated once they emailed him back. Can I be written up for something I did off the clock? And if so, what do I do going forward (other than avoiding saying goodbye to my boyfriend from this point forward)?
Yes, they can tell you not to kiss your boyfriend in their store, even if you’re off the clock. Keep in mind that while you were off the clock, your boyfriend wasn’t, and both of you were in work uniforms. We can debate about whether they should care or not, but they do and they can make that rule and hold you to it.
That said, they really should just tell you not to do it again; all this writing up and threatening of something further is overkill. But yeah, the way you handle this is to stop kissing your boyfriend goodbye in the store.
Caveat: Did your boyfriend receive the same warning? If you’re the only one getting in trouble (when he was the one who was actually on the clock), that’s a problem. I realize you probably don’t want to demand that he also get in trouble, but punishing the off-the-clock woman and not the on-the-clock man for the exact same behavior, if that is in fact what they’re doing, reeks of sex discrimination.
3. My boss won’t stop asking if I’m okay
My boss is very empathetic and attentive. When he senses something is off with an employee, he asks if we are alright. Over the last several months, he asked me three times separate times if I am doing okay, and said he is getting the sense that I am “sad” or just generally not okay. Each time he asks, he questions me if it’s personal, work-related, or something else. It feels more like an interrogation to figure out if I’m happy at work, and each time I get increasingly uncomfortable. I really am okay — albeit less fulfilled.
The truth is, I have been looking for another job since the start of the year because I am ready for a new challenge. I’ve been reflecting on my behavior and I don’t think I’ve been hugely different lately, so I am at a loss as to why he is asking me so often. I also don’t believe the quality of my work has decreased.
Part of me thinks it may be down to his own insecurities, because in the last six months he’s had to lay off two people in the department and another two people resigned after that, so he may just be overly anxious to keep the employees he has left.
But it doesn’t change the fact that his questioning makes me very uncomfortable and I don’t know what to say other than, “Really, I’m fine. Although I’m not happy and bubbly all the time, it doesn’t mean something is wrong” (which is what I said the most recent time). I feel like I need to fake a smile on days I’m not overly bubbly, just to please him. Do you have any advice on what to say if he asks me again? Should I tell him it’s making me uncomfortable?
Yeah, it’s nice to be concerned about employees’ happiness, but there’s a point where this kind of interrogation feels more like a demand that you perform emotionally for him and less like genuine solicitude. I bet you’re right that it stems from his worry about your team’s losses this year — but he needs a different way to manage that anxiety.
If he asks again, say this: “You’ve been asking me that a lot. Am I doing something that’s making you concerned about me?” And then if he says you seem sad or so forth, say, “Nope! It’s a weird time for everyone, obviously, but I’m fine. It does throw me off when you keep asking though, so I hope you’ll believe that I’m fine and I’ll tell you if there’s anything I want to discuss!”
4. I’m a parking cop — am I getting rejected for jobs because of it?
I’ll come out and say it: I’m a parking enforcement officer for my university. It was the first job I was offered when I got to school, and I wasn’t going to pass it up. I get it, there is not one person on God’s green earth who likes the parking cop. However, I have been a hard-working employee and I know my boss would be a good reference.
I applied to be a resident assistant in the dorms last year and had all the academic requirements and even a shift leader position at a sandwich shop before coming to college. My much less qualified, never employed roommate got a call back and not me. I’m not trying to sound conceited, but I know I would have made a good RA. I think the big “parking enforcement officer” on my resume may have ruined my chances. Should I include this frowned-upon job on my resume in the future?
Yes, you should still include it. Employers don’t generally have a bias against parking cops! People getting ticketed may, but it’s a legit job that it’s very unlikely you’re not being rejected over.
With RA jobs, they’re often looking less for specific work experience (since you’re all college students) and more for evidence of specific personality traits — empathy, comfort with difficult personal issues, community spirit, listening and communication skills, conflict resolution, etc. It’s possible your roommate just spoke more effectively to those things in her application than you did.
In any case, it’s not the parking officer job. Leave it on without fear.
5. Companies that say to send in your resume even when they’re not hiring
I’m looking to do a big career change and switch industries entirely into a marketing/brand image company. A lot of the companies I’ve found that I’d love to work for don’t have an active job opening, but encourage sending in a resume/cover letter in case something comes up. The language around this sounds like “You’re probably the candidate we need, but haven’t gotten around to posting your future job yet! Send in your materials and let’s start talking!”
As a manager, is this smart to do? Will they actually go through the applicants they have on file before posting a job, or is it better to wait until a job is posted and apply then? If they do end up posting a job and don’t call you back, is it professional to send in your materials a second time, but tailored to the opening?
It varies. Some employers (particularly smaller ones) mean what they say and will give your resume real consideration even when they don’t have current openings. Others will glance at your resume and file it away to look at next time they have openings. Others will file it away but then never actually go back and look at it.
There’s no way to know from the outside which it is, so since they say they welcome applications, you might as well go ahead and send in your resume and a cover letter about what you can offer. Even if nothing comes of it, it won’t hurt you — and you can still apply for specific openings there in the future.
asking for a reference while furloughed, in trouble for kissing at work, and more was originally published by Alison Green on Ask a Manager.
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