It’s five answers to five questions. Here we go…
1. My boss commented on my work with a puke emoji
I work in a PR agency and we are planning a webinar for our most important client. These recent weeks have been kind of a nightmare, because everyone is working remotely for the first time (due to COVID-19) and my boss wants to deliver the best webinar as expected.
We keep communicating via Skype. Today I received some bad feedback from my boss about something I made for the webinar, but she finished her comments with three emojis: a “doh,” a “puke,” and an “angry face.” I can handle bad feedback, but I think that the puking emoji was too much.
I felt very offended and wanted to quit on the spot, because if my work produces vomit, I shouldn’t be there. But I didn´t say anything about it because I prefer to think before acting, especially when feeling angry. At the same time, I don’t want her to think that she can disrespect me, this way or another.
We normally only use emojis or reactions to motivate or celebrate our coworkers, and I have never witnessed her using this kind of emoji with someone else on our team. Should I tell her how she made me feel or just get over it?
That is bizarre and inappropriate. Presumably she wouldn’t mime puking while giving you feedback about your work in person, and she shouldn’t do it via emoji either. In fact, I’ll posit that managers shouldn’t use emojis when giving critical feedback at all. A thumbs-up? Sure. But angry faces, puke, the poo emoji — all off-limits.
If this was out of character for your manager and you generally have decent rapport with her, you could say, “I appreciated your feedback on the webinar and I always want to hear where I could do something better — but did you mean to send me the puke emoji when you messaged me? I’m not debating the feedback itself, but I was taken aback to see a cartoon of someone throwing up that came with it.”
On the other hand, if this feels in character for her and she’s generally a jerk, file this away as additional data about how she operates since there’s probably not a lot to be gained by addressing it with her (or, more accurately, there are bigger problems to worry about).
2. My coworker is upset that I’m pregnant
After reading the recent post about coworkers pressuring another employee to get pregnant, I’m concerned that I’m somewhat at fault for my own coworker’s frosty behavior towards me.
My coworker, Jane, is just a bit older than me and has one son. She’s mentioned several times that she would have liked more children, but her health didn’t allow it. We only discuss children when she brings it up. Jane recently had some serious health issues that required a medical procedure, and she was out of the office for several weeks.
In that time, my husband and I learned that we were expecting our first baby! I told only our HR rep so she’d be aware I’d be taking time for appointments and such. We have told no one else besides immediate family and very close friends. The other day, another coworker had a particularly pungent breakfast, and I became incredibly nauseous. Jane noticed and said, very quickly and harshly, “You better not be pregnant.” Over the last week, she has made similar comments, including that she “couldn’t handle working with me” if I were to become pregnant. Since then, any chit-chat has pretty much ceased, and she’ll only speak to me in short, clipped tones if I ask a direct question.
I don’t know what to do. I know my other coworkers would be excited for me, but I work most closely with Jane — we’re in the same department and share an office. How do I broach this with her? I feel like telling her when I tell the rest of the office would be hurtful to her, but I’m not sure how to broach it with her one on one, given her previous comments. I’m not unsympathetic that she has medical issues of her own, and I’m sure it’s difficult for her to be surrounded by so much baby-ness (three other women are currently pregnant in the office). But I want to be able to be excited without upsetting her, and having her be nasty to me in return.
No, this isn’t your fault — all you’ve done is be pregnant, while is a perfectly normal thing to do.
It sounds like it’s rough on Jane to be surrounded by all this pregnancy if she’s dealt with fertility issues, but she can’t be rude to coworkers or refuse to work with someone because of it. You also can’t manage her emotions for her. You can be sensitive to her emotions, but from there it’s up to her.
The best thing to do, when you’re ready to announce your pregnancy to the rest of your office, is to tell Jane first privately so that she’s not forced to hear the news and react in front of a crowd. I’m not normally a fan of email for sensitive conversations, but in this case I’d consider using email so she can process the news in private and not have to respond on the spot. You can acknowledge that you know she’s said the news would be difficult for her and say you didn’t want to spring it on her when you’re telling the rest of the office. The tone you want is one that signals “I’m sorry this is painful for you, and I also know you’ll react reasonably because you are a reasonable person.” That last part may not be true, but that’s the tone that gives you the best chance at that outcome.
From there, it’s okay if Jane doesn’t want to chat with you; she’s allowed to decide that. But she does need to work with you and can’t be hostile. If that’s happening, you’d need to either try talking with her directly or talk to your manager (or possibly HR since pregnancy harassment is a thing).
3. I spent $4,000 to make myself competitive for a program that might be closed
Last year I became aware of an educational opportunity offered by my employer. I was working with a guy named Alan who was managing this new opportunity and working with potential applicants who were vying for the one seat in the program that our organization had. This opportunity would allow one applicant from my organization study at a certain school for a number of years while simultaneously earning a salary – a pretty sweet deal. This time last year, Alan informed me that we had one seat available and thus could only sponsor one applicant and that to be competitive, I needed to take four courses (unless I already possessed background in this field of study, which I did not). So I set out and took all the courses, which amounted to a $4,000 expense paid by me. I had a great time in the courses and ended up falling in love with the subject matter.
I spoke to Alan three months ago and asked if we could set up a time to talk about application materials for the impending deadline. He said he would be reaching out to each applicant in early fall to discuss this. So I waited. And when I didn’t hear from him, I reached back out and he never responded to my email. Last week a colleague told me Alan has moved on to a new position and my salary would not be paid if I attended. Because the school receives federal funding, I asked whether we still had a guaranteed spot despite the lack of salary sponsorship by my organization. Alan’s colleague told me he didn’t think to ask that question. I emailed Alan to ask him and he responded by saying he had moved on and “has no need to be included in the conversation.”
So here I am two months out from the application deadline with no information from Alan or his predecessor. I have spent $4,000 pursuing this goal and Alan didn’t even update me on the program’s status nor his having moved on to a new job. Is it right for me to tell him how disappointed I am and to press him for contacts I can reach out to about a space in the program? I am told I might still able to apply, but I need to know if we have a designated space. Alan’s predecessor is totally checked out. How do I handle this?
You could try Alan one more time; tell him you’re sorry to bother him but you’ve been unable to get answers from anyone else and ask if he can suggest contacts you could try. But telling him how disappointed you are won’t get you closer to the outcome you want — and Alan is right that if he no longer works there, this isn’t his job anymore. You’re asking him for a favor by requesting that he point you in the right direction, so you’ve got to approach it with that in mind, rather than unloading your disappointment on him.
You should also check with whoever managed Alan before he left and anyone else who might be involved in overseeing your organization’s participation in the program. Ultimately, though, this might just be a case of the situation changing. I know that sucks when you invested your own money, but it’s it’s also true that Alan/your organization didn’t guarantee you a spot; it sounds like he told you those courses would make you competitive with other candidates, but there was never a promise you’d be accepted. Unfortunately there’s always a risk that this kind of program will change after you’ve done the work to qualify for it.
4. I showed up for my interview at the wrong time
I had an interview that was scheduled for 10:30 am. I wrote down the wrong time and went at 1 pm. The manager would not see me or reschedule. She said she was there at 10:30 and now she was working and nicely asked me to leave! I want to send apology email but I think I blew it for getting time wrong.
You should send the apology email because it’s the courteous thing to do, but yeah, you probably missed your chance at the job. Showing up hours late for an interview is a big deal, and it will raise questions about your ability to track details (like the time of meetings) and be reliable. That might feel unfair if it’s entirely out of character for you, but the hiring manager has limited data about you and has to go on what she sees. Send the apology email because it’s polite and because you never know, but then I’d move on. I’m sorry!
5. Should I offer my employees resume advice?
I’ve managed a small team for two years, and was recently promoted to a position that will make me more involved with other parts of the company. We will be promoting one of my team to a low-level management position to oversee lower-level details I won’t be able to focus on any more. Three of them applied, submitting resumes (which we require even for internal applications).
All three resumes have some very obvious problems — irrelevant jobs given a ton of space, high school coursework given a lot of space six years after finishing college, a “highlights” section that redundantly lists information from further down the page, etc. In this case it doesn’t matter much; the hiring group knows all the candidates well and is aware of their accomplishments and qualifications, but I hate to see someone using a resume that makes them look like a weaker candidate than they are.
Would I be out of line to make a one-time offer on improving their resumes? My thought was to wait until the hiring process is played through, then phrase it like, “Would you be interested in getting feedback on your resume? It wasn’t really a factor in this case since we already knew you so well, but if you would like me to I will go through it as though you’d been an outside candidate and help you polish it up.”
I don’t want to be presumptuous or make them think they’re being encouraged to leave. But I want to be supportive and give them advice while I’m in a position to give it. I’ve got a close working relationship with all of them, and feedback/polishing on writing and presentations are already a major part of how we work together.
Yes, do it! Your wording is good. I’d just add, “I want to be clear that I hope you won’t go anywhere anytime soon, but realistically we all move on at some point, and I since I’ve got your resume in front of me now, I wanted to offer that kind of support.”
my boss commented on my work with a puke emoji, coworker is upset I’m pregnant, and more was originally published by Alison Green on Ask a Manager.
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