It’s five answers to five questions. Here we go…
1. My job’s travel conflicts with my husband’s job’s Covid policies
My work is requiring me to resume my monthly trips to the home office, which involves flying to a high COVID infection rate state. They are starting to require these trips again because my state has decided to wave quarantine requirements for essential industries. My company is essential, according to the extremely loose definitions.
My husband is an (actually) essential worker who cannot work remotely, and is not allowed to come into work for two weeks if someone in his household visits a “high risk” state. His work does not follow the new state exemptions, because COVID can use people as a disease vector regardless of how essential they are. So, he will be losing two weeks pay every month (or I will have to quit my job or move into a hotel full-time).
My work is saying that they cannot be held responsible for another company’s policies. I guess I can see how that’s reasonable on paper? But I tried to plead with them that this was going to cause significant hardship for me, and they are insisting that it’s my husband’s company causing the hardship, not them.
My company’s solution seems to be that my husband just … not tell his job that I’ve traveled. They won’t come right out and suggest it, but it’s clear from their tone that they are sick of hearing me push back on this, because they think COVID “isn’t real” and that lying about travel would be akin to civil disobedience (insert humongous eyeroll). Is there anything I can do here?
They’re being irresponsible asses, I’m sorry. With the benefit of hindsight, it might have been better not to raise the husband issue at all and instead to make this about your own health risk, which they might have a harder time arguing against. And at this point, the best option might be to say, “I’ve given this a great deal of thought and it’s not possible for me to resume these trips right now. Not only is it prohibitive for my husband’s situation, but I’m not comfortable risking my health traveling right now. Given that, what makes sense?”
Of course, there’s a risk that they’ll tell you it’s a strict requirement of your job that they won’t waive, no matter what your concerns are, and that refusing to go could be a deal-breaker on their side. So you have to know how much value you have to them, how much capital you’ve built up there, and how invested you are in keeping the job if they won’t budge. If you’re not willing to risk the job, this won’t work. But there aren’t really other options here; they can require this of you if they decide to. (Although that assumes that the states you’d be flying to don’t have quarantine requirements for people entering. If you haven’t checked that yet, do.)
I’d like to say you should be willing to walk away from these jerks, but realistically that’s harder advice to give these days. If you do have that option, though, I’d seriously consider it.
2. My boss showed up in people’s offices to “observe” them
I’m writing to ask if my boss’ observations are normal, or a sign of a not-very-good boss. He became division head about five months ago; he still retains his previous title from another division (so he performs the job of two people. No, I don’t think he has enough time to properly manage our division of about 30 people, but that’s another story). Before this, he did not have any experience in our (division’s) particular field.
A couple weeks ago (I’m guessing at the suggestion of HR, because a couple people quit between him joining and now), he started going into peoples’ offices unannounced to “observe them and see what their job is really like.” For me, he sat behind me for about 30 minutes while I worked at my computer (I think he was on his phone the whole time) and then followed me to another section of campus where I did some semi-manual work. In total, he asked me about two questions.
Is this a normal way to get to know your employees and their responsibilities? He held one-on-one meetings with everyone when he first started where we went over our education, previous jobs, and current jobs.
No, that’s weird. Observing people can be a useful way of getting to know them and their work, and I’d recommend managers do it periodically for certain types of jobs — but watching you sit at your computer is not one of those cases. Observing makes sense if you’re running a meeting or interacting with clients or teaching a class or otherwise engaging in something that can actually be watched. In some cases it could even be helpful to sit at someone’s computer with them and talk through how they were handling particular tasks. But silently watching from behind as you type? No.
3. My therapist wants me to talk to my boss about imposter syndrome
I recently started seeing a therapist about a few issues, one being impostor syndrome at work. I know I am not an impostor because the phrase “perfect employee” was used in my most recent evaluation and I have a long history of meeting goals and good performance, but that hasn’t changed my feelings of not performing well enough and having too many mistakes. I have not mentioned my feelings to my boss because I do not want to project my insecurities at work or start broadcasting my failures.
One of my therapist’s suggestions was, “Break the silence. Shame keeps a lot of people from ‘fessing up’ about their fraudulent feelings. Knowing there’s a name for these feelings and that you are not alone can be tremendously freeing.” (This is taken from a list of 10 things to do to address impostor syndrome that she found online). Specifically, her suggestion was to mention it to my boss. When I am called a “perfect employee,” she thinks I should reply with, “I don’t feel perfect because of the issue with my work from last Thursday” or other issues that are weighing on me.
I feel like this is bad because I am surfacing an issue in my work mid-evaluation, which I see as a bad career move, and because I am asking my boss to manage my emotions, which is not part of my manager’s job. My therapist told me that it is not up to me to define my manager’s job and I should proceed anyway.
I am leaning towards switching therapists due to dissatisfaction with other issues I am talking to her about, but I want to know if I am off-base with my interpretation on this one.
Noooo. This is terrible advice, and your take on it is exactly right.
It’s true that there can be value in talking about imposter syndrome, but that generally means in the the context of peer or mentor relationships. There could be times when it makes sense to mention it to your boss, but generally that would be if it comes up organically and in the context of a trusting relationship — like if your boss mentions that you always assess your work more critically than she does, or if you’re discussing some of the issues people face as they rise through professional ranks. But telling her you don’t feel perfect or highlighting issues with your work that she’s not concerned with just to “break the silence” about imposter syndrome would come across oddly, potentially harm you professionally, and (just as you point out) ask her to do too much of the work of managing your emotions for you.
Over the years of writing this column, I’ve found that therapists sometimes (not always) have off-base work advice, because they base it on what’s effective in non-work relationships, which doesn’t always account for the dynamics in professional ones. I think that might be happening here. (And also, giving you work advice based on a list she found online is worrying!)
4. Do I have to notify my job of a positive Covid test in my household?
I work for a company that deals with financial services and retirement plans, in one of several office locations. When the pandemic hit, our management decided that I would remain working in the office while everyone else would work remotely from their homes. Each office has at least one person working in the office, and at my location I’m the only one going in each day (or another administrator if I take any days off with advance notice). We have taken as many precautions as possible to social distance, which include having the mail slipped under the door and only answering the door for approved people (building management, maintenance, etc. but usually with prior notice).
I still live with my parents and sister, who deal with more people each day than me. My question stems from a conversation I had with one of my parents about the possibility of someone in the household testing positive. My parent seems to think that I shouldn’t have to tell my management if one of us (including me) tests positive, because I don’t deal with people on a daily basis now, and that I would just have to go only to work and back, while not interacting with anyone. But I feel like if I don’t tell management, I could get in a lot of trouble and I don’t want to run the risk of possibly infecting someone without realizing. Even if someone stops in the office, they never stay long. I stay six feet from them and clean the office once they leave. Plus, I would have to get tested, in order to prove that I’m not contagious if someone in my household tested positive.
Am I in the wrong for wanting to tell my management if someone in my household tested positive for the virus, despite dealing with as few people as possible on a daily basis? Plus, what would be the appropriate form of communication for notifying them, since most communication these days are through phone and email?
Don’t listen to your parent on this! People are still coming in your office, even if only sporadically. Withholding information about Covid exposure puts their health and lives at risk. And while this is especially true if you’re the one who tested positive (!!), it’s also true if anyone you’re in regular contact with does.
If your parent is worried about you being told to stay home without pay or something like that … (a) it’s still not a good enough reason and (b) there’s a new-ish law requiring employers to give you up to two weeks of paid family and medical leave if you’re unable to work because you’re quarantined (via a government order or on the advice of a health care provider) and/or experiencing Covid symptoms and seeking a medical diagnosis. (Granted, it exempts employers with more than 500 people so it might not apply to you, but it’s worth looking at.)
But really, you don’t hide a positive Covid test.
5. Can I ask about other jobs with an organization that rejects me?
I’m a young professional with 3-4 years of work experience, and I’m in the process of applying to jobs at several large, national nonprofits and foundations — large enough that they typically have several job postings listed at any given time, including within the same department.
I recently applied for a job that I thought was a bit of a reach for my experience, and was pleasantly surprised to be contacted for an interview! I had the interview last week and, while I’m of course hopeful, I’m preparing myself for the possibility of a rejection too.
The thing is, this is one of my dream employers, and I’d really love to work for them — in fact, they have a couple other live postings I’d also be happy to do. In the event that I’m not offered the position I interviewed for, is it appropriate to indicate interest in working for the foundation in another capacity, and can I ask to be considered for any of the other open positions?
Yes! You can say, “I’m really interested in your work and would love to be considered for your other open positions, like X or Y. If you think one of those could be the right match, is it possible for me to throw my hat in the ring for those?”
If you’re talking to the hiring manager (the person who would manage you if you’re hired) rather than HR and the other jobs are in a different area of the organization, that might not be a question they can answer. In that case, I’d say, “I’m really interested in your work and would love to be considered for your other open positions, like X or Y. I’ll go ahead and apply for those and wanted to give you a heads-up that I’m doing that.” That way, if they were impressed with you, they might pass along a good word to the person doing that hiring, or even tell you they’ll forward your materials along for you.
my job’s travel conflicts with husband’s job, talking to my boss about imposter syndrome, and more was originally published by Alison Green on Ask a Manager.
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